|Reviews for The Essence of Villainy|
| afterados chapter 3 . 4/3/2018
Good: Awesome one-liners continue with “so close they screamed fire hazard!” Also I’m enjoying all the new characters in Gustav’s town, they really make this town feel fleshed out, as do your descriptions if the surrounding area. Also love the contrast between what Gustav (and the audience) is used to versus the villagers. Like, how the villagers are shocked that Gustav’s asking around for black clothes, which seems like such a normal thing to us/Gustav, but to them is crazy expensive. Hahaha and poor Allen, Irina’s going to be giving him a really rough time! I do like the setup you’re doing here with Allen and Irina in the monastery, definitely wonder what the heck Irina’s thinking about doing in the proving grounds!
Improvements: Honestly none (sorry, I know that’s not too helpful!), keep it up!
| afterados chapter 2 . 1/25/2018
Good: Your humor is on point for me! I referenced it a bit last chapter, but I /love/ your easy-to-miss throwaway lines (like "For an extremely inappropriate moment, he looked at her face"). I also love where you're going with this plot, I can't wait to find out wherever the heck our two heroes (maybe "heroes" is more appropriate) have landed.
Improvements: I think it should be clearer if people can or can't understand the language. After the first section, it's pretty clear that italics different/unintelligible language in dialogue, but if you're telling the passage from a characters perspective (even if it's in third person, like you do here), I think you should /not/ tell the reader what the unintelligible language is saying. That way the audience feels more in-tune with the character who's holding the perspective (and it's clearer that it /is/ an unintelligible language, too).
| afterados chapter 1 . 1/25/2018
Good: Fantastic world building! I can tell how much thought you’ve put into this, from the design of your castle to little details on various items (the engravings on the gauntlet/glove case, Gustav’s opinion of Aries, etc.). I also love how very normal and human he is ("He'd never have a pet, now" is an awesome line), as well as how much thought he gives to the other, more "evil" sounding stuff too (he has darkness over non-agriculture land b/c the lizard people are nocturnal). Also props for making sure we still know he's evil (burning a girl at the stake, with cold exhilaration). And good move in raising the stakes for the audience, letting us know "yes, the main character actually /is/ in danger and could die."
Improvements: This doesn't happen often (Only once I think, but still keep this in mind), but occasionally there's some tonal inconsistencies. For example, right after you talk about how undead have “a odor repugnant to the sensibilities to of human nose”, you say that the expression of lizardmen are “kinda hard to tell at times.” Either is fine depending on the tone you want to set for Gustav’s character and how verbose he is, but I'd choose one or the other.
| DragonTamerOne chapter 2 . 1/22/2018
First part supposed to be all italics? Reads a little funny like that. Also, moments in which people are speaking different languages are hard to identify since we as the reader are given everything in translation...not too big of a deal, I just didn't realize the characters couldn't understand each other at certain parts until later.