|Reviews for Talisman|
| The Treadler chapter 1 . 12/30/2017
I liked this first chapter and am interested in seeing where you go with the rest of the story. I want to learn more about Feather's father and what happened to him (but I'm sure you'll get around to that)
Something I noticed was that sometimes the writing felt a little clipped, like there wasn't always a transition from one thought to the next. An example would be when Feather finds the library door. The door is mentioned briefly at the end of the paragraph and then all of a sudden she's opening it. It left me thinking "wait, what just happened? How did we get here?"
I also felt a little confused with the last line. Where were the eyes? Were they up in the loft? Peering from behind a bookshelf? Or maybe they were glowing from within the jewel?
I don't think you're in danger of over telling or boring your reader with details so my advice for you would be to draw out important moments and expound on them a little bit further. Another upside to this is that it helps build anticipation (unless you go too far and spend three paragraphs talking about one thing)
Overall, I like what you've written. Keep it up so I can find out what happens ;-)