|Reviews for Travelers|
| HybridStories31 chapter 1 . 1/18
The story is a little different. I'm interested to see where it leads. The language feels just a little off, in my opinion. Like maybe try something like doing away with the "oh I suppose I could tell you" and maybe the "yes and no" too.
Maybe change the wording something like
"So he's your master?" Grace asked, curiously.
"He's my creator," Tonik replied, a little hurt by the suggestion. "Meaning he has master controls over my operating systems and computer and has full access to edit me. But I still have autonomy to do as I please; such as leaving him if I wanted to."
Just a suggestion. You can take it or leave it. Other than that pretty interesting. I did find myself wanting more though. More development of this mini story. Like Why were they even there in the first place if they were just leaving immediately? And I think when James wakes it might be more real if he were to ask what happened and have an explanation from Tonik for why they ended up in the water or even in location in general if that wasn't their goal to go to? And then go with the whole "Who are you people" thing?
Good start and im interested to see more.
If you liked this review I would love to see your feedback on my own work, particularly Ash, my in progress story. Have a great evening! :)