|Reviews for Privileges|
| Will9035 chapter 8 . 3/2/2018
If I know you, you must have some further ideas about where to take Asha now that she's uncovered the truth about the Sephy and has her newfound powers. It would be totally unlike you to spend 11,000 words to develop this world and a character's origin story, only for you to drop the whole thing as soon as the character's potential was awakened. You may or may not have anything planned for the immediate future, but I doubt this will be the last we see of Asha...or, at least of Kallis.
As a whole, this was a solid read. There were certainly no moments like with TSG where I wanted to stop the story and ask the characters what they were talking about-your exposition was clear, easy to understand, and well spread-out. I don't think there was ever a time when you succumbed to an info dump, and if you did, you did it while pushing both the story and the characterization forward. So, well done in that regard.
Your characters here were fine, but they weren't my favorites of the ones you created. I've already made my thoughts on Dalle pretty clear, so there's not much else to say in that regard. This last chapter didn't change my mind about him in any drastic way. As for Asha...she was fine, but I think she lacked the spark that some of your other characters have. That's why it was actually kind of jarring at the end to see her suddenly become so cold towards Dalle. Obviously she has more than one valid reason to hate him, but I thought her transition from being a quiet but resistant person, to suddenly grinning maliciously at someone as she's sapping his strength, seemed a little abrupt. But if you do decide to continue Asha's adventures, I think you have plenty of wiggle-room to make her into whatever character you want. And yes, that includes turning her into a villainess. Yes, she said she was going to forget about having a Kept herself, but you know what they say about absolute power.
| Will9035 chapter 7 . 2/26/2018
Something I noticed about your writing a long time ago is your knack for starting chapters off with a paragraph comprised of one straight-forward sentence. I can understand usually doing that to set the scene, but here I think it was unnecessary. I think things would've been just fine if you started the chapter with "When Asha came to her senses, the corridor around her moved by."
Dalle way earned himself some more MTV points here. This time, he fell into the classic trap of monologuing while giving his victim enough time to formulate an escape. (Although I'm not sure whether it would've actually been worse if he *had* been planning to kill Asha rather than raping her. Ah, and he did it naked, too.)
That said, well done building up the moment where Asha turns the tables like this. Now that she, too, is a sephy, I wonder what she will do to the whole "system" that's been created (not to mention what she'll do to Dalle, though I'm not sure she's "hard" enough to kill him). I'm willing to bet she's not going to just escape and go on with her life, now that she has the power of a sephy and knows the truth about where they come from.
| Will9035 chapter 6 . 2/22/2018
If I'm honest, Kailyn's betrayal wasn't all that surprising. Maybe it wasn't meant to be, considering how much you foreshadowed Dalle being a cunning, devious being with a one-step-ahead mentality. Although I guess this scene does somewhat raise the question of why he was so insistent that his minions track down Asha if he was so sure that she would come and try to rescue Kailyn. Maybe he couldn't be totally sure that Asha wouldn't make the trip here, or maybe he couldn't be sure that Kailyn wouldn't turn on her sister like that?
Anyway, Kailyn is now officially less likable than Dalle. Dalle was always going to be a prick, but betraying your flesh and blood like that? Cold.
| Will9035 chapter 5 . 2/18/2018
Maybe this is me being paranoid, but if I were to use a shower and I came out to find that my clothe had been cleaned up and a fresh towel laid out for me, my gut instinct would NOT be that some superior technology did it; I would think it was something much more sinister. Like something out of a horror movie, where the killer starts moving things around or changing things to make me uneasy and aware that I'm not alone.
The ending of this chapter strikes me as an inverted version of the event that kicks off the Hunger Games: this time our protagonist is the one escaping a horrible fate, and it's her sister filling the role instead. I'm not sure if it was Kailyn volunteered for it, though. She did seem pretty jealous about Asha being chosen, but Dalle doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who would give his selections a choice or the chance to send in applications.
| Will9035 chapter 4 . 2/15/2018
After how much you've railed against them in the past, I'm rather shocked to say this. But Dalle is very much shaping up to be a mustache-twirling villain. He's got a wildly over-inflated sense of self-worth (though he is a god), he's demanding forced female companionship, and he's being overtly threatening and condescending to his trembling subordinates while keeping his temper in check.
Considering how much disdain you have for MTVs, I'm wondering what you have in store for Dalle. I'm guessing he's not actually the big bad guy you're shaping him up to be. And if he is, he's a Wizard of Oz-like character who's actually quite meek and unassuming when his mask is pulled off. But I'm not yet ready to believe that Dalle is indeed our villain, AND what we're seeing is what we get.
| Will9035 chapter 3 . 2/12/2018
I may be going out on a limb here, but for some reason I get the sense that Asha REALLY wasn't happy with being selected as the Kept. I don't know, just some hunch that I have.
Maybe I'm missing something, or perhaps I'm forgetting in record time, but I'm a bit confused as to why Asha doesn't want to be the Kept. Everyone else is certainly acting like it's a good, or at least honorable, thing to be selected. Granted, being someone's plaything-even a superior being's-sounds like a bad deal. But Asha's parents seem a bit too cool about it when contrasted to how much Asha doesn't want it. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about her being chosen. Maybe that's kind of what you were going for?
Well, either way, looks like she's out of trouble. For now. I can't imagine that ticking off a Sephy will be a good move in the long run, though.
| Will9035 chapter 2 . 2/8/2018
Obviously this temple terminal is going to come into play in a much more significant way later on. I don't think you would have spent so much time building it up and describing it (in beautiful detail, by the way) if its only use was for Asha to "consult" it and come up with a load of nonsense.
I don't know if you intended this or not, but now I'm focusing more on Asha than I am on Dalle. Evidently it's a big deal that he "shook the ritual up" a little bit in the last chapter, but why is Asha so fixated on it? Everyone else at the Assembly was no doubt puzzled about Dalle's actions as well, given how much you hyped them up to be out of the ordinary. But Asha is going through an awful lot of trouble to find out what might have been happening. The fact that she is apparently going some place where she could get in real trouble for being spotted has me wondering even more. I don't think it's mere curiosity that's bringing Asha here.
| Will9035 chapter 1 . 2/5/2018
This is striking me as a different sort of story from the kinds you normally write. Granted it's early, and you've only teased us with the main characters and their worlds, so for all I know the next chapter could come in literally guns-a-blazing with explosions and sci-fi technology. But right now, it's looking like a straight-up fantasy story. I don't know if I've ever read one of those from you, so I'm not quite sure what to expect.\
It's a bit early for me to offer any real thoughts on the characters, other than that our presumptive protagonist Asha has the trademarked sass you like to give you hero(ine). And something tells me Dalle is going to be bad news. Chock it up to my own history of encountering supernatural fictional character whose name (or race) starts with "Seph."