|Reviews for The demons within, the hearts without|
| LittleAlchemist chapter 1 . 5/6
I never understood people flaming for the sake of it.
I mean, sure this doesn't read as a novel, but so long as you're enjoying yourself and want to improve you're bound to find someone who will want to read too. This feels like raw creative expression with just not much experience/discipline with writing novels before. Even stories that don't fit the normal format very well can still have enjoyable parts to them. Have fun, keep writing and keep bettering yourself.
| Not-Jerry chapter 1 . 5/1
You are missing some capitals, Like way too much. This story could be longer, but the plot is good. If you were to start this like the person is normal, then have this happening it could be good. You should explain more of whats happening if you do a second chapter.
| 322033 chapter 1 . 5/1
| Reviewer 1 chapter 1 . 2/5
So, the first paragraph is good. Nice and to the point. Some words like "My" do not need to have a capital M. Later on some "i" need to be capital. I guess ignoring some grammar rules can be stylistic... But it probably annoys most readers.
B- isn't really here nor there. C- would allow readers to be more sympathetic. Or best of all an F!
This reads a bit like a dream, the character, (I'm guessing a girl, cause Shakia is close to Shakira) doesn't seem to be questioning events. Kind of just goes with the flow as you do in a dream. So maybe have her react more, and have her try to figure out what is happening.
Good luck, happy writing!