|Reviews for The demons within, the hearts without|
| Reviewer 1 chapter 1 . 2/5
So, the first paragraph is good. Nice and to the point. Some words like "My" do not need to have a capital M. Later on some "i" need to be capital. I guess ignoring some grammar rules can be stylistic... But it probably annoys most readers.
B- isn't really here nor there. C- would allow readers to be more sympathetic. Or best of all an F!
This reads a bit like a dream, the character, (I'm guessing a girl, cause Shakia is close to Shakira) doesn't seem to be questioning events. Kind of just goes with the flow as you do in a dream. So maybe have her react more, and have her try to figure out what is happening.
Good luck, happy writing!