|Reviews for Dream Stream Origins: Cut My strings|
| Banana Sins chapter 6 . 3/21
There should had been an ending with Taka and Ai, tbh. You know, a glimpse of their farewells to Marion as they went on their separate ways.
The narrative is quick but not on the rushed level, that's what I'd noticed. I would prefer to have more depth and moments in between so I can get along with the characters better, since some supporting characters feels like a minor characters instead.
Hope to see the rest of your projects here.
| Banana Sins chapter 5 . 3/18
*sniffs* TAKAAAA U POOR BOI
Lmao nothing to critic.
| Banana Sins chapter 4 . 3/18
It's a good chapter as it delves on Marion's mind. Other characters feel too minor since not much depth was given, but considering this is just an Origin story, it's understandable as long as the main story gives them the justice they deserve.
Also, try not to overuse adverbs on descriptions. It makes the story-telling too flat and doesn't really leave anything else to imagine.
| Banana Sins chapter 3 . 3/15
Big improvement from the previous chapter. You're starting the paint the picture without the lazy telling without much depth on the setting or the character. Small progress is better than none.
You do need to refrain from using the same words over and over again, since it gets redundant and loses the quality in the long run. Also, more expression on the dialogue as you can. You don't have to focus on their faces or their body movements, it can be something trivial like what's happening in the setting that shows the mood of the conversation.
That's all for now. Feel free to consult me for more beta stuff.
| Banana Sins chapter 2 . 3/5
Interesting, and a great backstory to look at Marion.
You better proofread this before posting, since there are errors that can be patched up with another read (I'm guilty of leaving obvious mistakes). Also, try to add more life on the dialogues by describing how the character is talking, or what is the character's reaction. It also helps on knowing who's talking.
Keep in mind that you have to describe how a character looks like, since this is a fictional story after all. But try not to stick with the stereotypical, "Character has brown eyes, tall, muscular, bald and wears this shirt and this pants". It's not my cup of tea and I find that a lazy way of writing. Be creative on how you're going to describe your characters. It can be from the view of another's eye, or just a narrative, like, "A wind blew past his short, silky black hair." Something along those lines.
You're in for a great start, and I can't wait to dive in right to your Dream Stream universe.