|Reviews for Wishes and Bottles|
| CrossPaladin chapter 5 . 4/8/2018
Wait... you're taking OCs?! I wish I had known Bunny...I would have loved to send a character.
| Dark Oracle chapter 4 . 4/2/2018
Poor Kizer just can't catch a break, can he?
| CrossPaladin chapter 4 . 4/1/2018
So this story is going to definitely end in a threesome between Rally and Jazz and Kizer, right? Right. You really are the pervert Kel said you were and I LOVE IT!
Now, on a serious note: Fight scenes are quite the pain to write. No one knows that better than I, the great CrossPaladin! When it comes to fight scenes, the medium we're working with does not lend itself well. Fights happen fast, with intense movement happening everywhere and at every second. A sword slash takes but a moment in real time, but when writing, it appears to be slower. So when it comes to writing fight scenes you have to find a way to balance speed and the prose that comes with writing a good story. Not every action can be:
"He wound up his attack, spinning and spinning and spinning, gaining momentum before he unleashed a ferocious kick into the skull of his enemy, caving the soldier's face in with a geyser of blood following it". Because then your fight would draw out itself. But, not every action can be:
"He kicked him in the face". Because then it becomes boring.
What I'm trying to say, Bunny Boy, is that by balancing both, your fighting scenes will come out better than you expect them to.
| CrossPaladin chapter 3 . 3/31/2018
This is actually pretty funny Bunny-Boy! Keep it up. I'm interested to see where it goes.
| Dark Oracle chapter 3 . 3/28/2018
I'm glad to see you've finally posted your work! I can't wait to see where you take this story, Bunny.
| RIP Fictionpress chapter 2 . 3/20/2018
Interesting. I wanna how this tyrant ia transforming them intp genies. HE MUST POSSESS SOME KIND OF DEVICE( says in Captain Kirk voice)
But damn Kizer they figured out you want to bone them already?! The battle of trying to stay focused on the journey and not boobs is more compelling than any fight scene with a dragon that I've written. (No sarcasm)
Keep it up(says like Date Masamune)
| RIP Fictionpress chapter 1 . 3/18/2018
Alright. Wishes and Bottles. Wishes AND Bottles! This is the kinda vibe I'm getting from this story;
Its gonna be like Pokemon only instead of using ridiculous animals we're using interesting beings with quirks and powers aka genies. This is just a speculation, I'll enjoy the story either way I'm sure (really like RallyxZin) you could be doing something else but if the story is a battle monsters shindig with genies then I'm settled in bro.
This is just the first chap.
I've got nothing to critque other than descriptions. How you described Kizer Zin is fine because he's the main guy. But Jazz and Ral we can tone down on description for them because we're still getting to know them.
So I'd suggest just mentioning their description while performing an action. For example if you wanted the audience to know that Rally had fingerless gloves on, you could write something like;
"Rally tightens the straps on her fingerless gloves, picks up a guitar and smacks Kel in the face with the butt of it"
Its like alluding to description instead of outright saying it. That way it gives your characters more soul and presence around Kizer.
Just a suggestion. But if you decide to take this up note that it is a little harder.
Keep it up. Kels here to stay.