|Reviews for Lost Rain|
| ElvenValar chapter 1 . 4/13/2018
| Ckh chapter 1 . 4/13/2018
The slow pace might turn some people off but I kinda liked it, though it did take me a while to read through the whole thing. You have a certain style, I think, and that comes across as albeit distinctive to me. We have hints of something stirring, something that might come into play soon...
I like the character interactions here. The dialogue and descriptions are decent as well.
| LeagionFear chapter 3 . 4/11/2018
He bar man's first line, you have perhaps misunderstood the use of ' in a word; it indicates the placement of a missing letter or letters, eg wha'? what and o'clock of the clock. Your fine just putting whah and leaving it at that, it is very acceptable to spell out the preferred accents of characters in this way.
You use it correctly later on so... Never mind XD.
'on which she warmed her hands after inhaling the warmth' mmm a lot of warm in that sentence, is there perhaps another word you could use? Not sure of the top of my head.
Hehe, very clever, having a character show the reader how to pronounce her name, not sure if it's just cause I'm on the look out and high alert, but it did seem a bit blatant, but that is perhaps just me.
I very much like the animal comparisons you use, I do very much the same thing with smells, like Aaron, it gives a new level to the character.
I like the line 'amongst vampires' quite inspired
Heh, good ending, ominous bag, I like it.
| Fay Voss chapter 3 . 4/11/2018
I like the new characters and relationship you've set up in this chapter. I'm wondering about Teleri's backstory now too, and vampire politics in general.
(Just a heads-up, there's a few typos every now and then. Near the beginning there's a "see" that seems like it should be "sea," I think? That sort of thing.)
Now I'm curious about how Teleri and Richard will impact the other characters.
| StoryWisperers chapter 1 . 4/11/2018
Hello! I think you had an excellent introduction to Lost Rain. Your characters were intriguing and obviously thoroughly thought out. You had a lot of suspense that didn't lead up to much. I think you may want to include some of the supernatural elements of this story, even maybe just in hints. Maybe to show the more exciting components of the story so readers can get a get a taste, not just the characters going on. I really enjoyed reading this.
| WhenPigsFly2018 chapter 3 . 4/11/2018
(/?oohhh... See what I mean, suspence? Love where it's going so far... (:
| LeagionFear chapter 2 . 4/11/2018
past tense of 'hide' is 'hid' in paragraph 7, rather than 'hided'
basically smack in the middle, 'the knife had already pierced...' I would have said, 'the knife having already pierced' But that's just me being all arty farty, what you've put is not wrong, grammatically, just different to how I write I guess.
14 up from the bottom, you missed out a word, 'the steady breathing of the that had come...' I think you want werewolf to go in there. XD
Cool, as I expected, fast passed and really exciting. I like it! a knew take on old meat, so keep it up.
| LeagionFear chapter 1 . 4/11/2018
fith paragraph, 'Clear worn signs', I would change to 'clear signs of wear'. Not sure why... ;) Take that how you like.
Uh, two paragraph from the bottom, 'watching your every move, he was free to move,' Slight repetition? Move and move... Perhaps, 'Watching your every move, I felt free, no need...' or 'Watching your every move, it was calmer, more sanguine, no need...' Something like that?
The writing it's self is very good, you have a good balance between speech and description. The pace is on the slow side, but that gives the feeling that something is going to happen soon, I liked it, good job.
| Fay Voss chapter 2 . 4/10/2018
Ooo, vampires and werewolves and hunters. This is totally my genre!
| Fay Voss chapter 1 . 4/5/2018
Intriguing first chapter. Sometimes wordy, but it's got atmosphere and a great sense of foreboding. Seems like a good cast of characters too. I especially like Leo as the protagonist so far. I'm curious what he is, because to me it reads like he isn't human. I could be wrong though.
Anyway, I look forward to the next chapter!
| WhenPigsFly2018 chapter 1 . 4/3/2018
Very intriguing... I hate suspense, usually, but this is very... eye catching. I'll be waiting for your next update!
| JaveHarron chapter 1 . 3/29/2018
Okay, you're off to a fascinating start so far. You establish the relations between the characters, especially Kate and Emil with Leo, fairly solidly. You leave off with a hint at darker things to come, which I enjoyed. However, I believe a few things could be improved. There's little in the way of allusions or metaphors (which I do enjoy when done well), as well as the pacing. Overall, I'd rate it a solid effort.
| Ronaldus chapter 1 . 3/28/2018
I like how you are leading up to "something". I hope to read more.