|Reviews for Oxytocin|
| Dark-Fire-Eyes chapter 1 . 7/8/2018
Ryan is a type of character that I've encountered many times before, I know what it feels like. Though, not nearly as extreme as Ryan over here. The deep feelings and hurt really do describe him. Dark and empty, with nowhere else to go. Sometimes death is also a mercy. This is really strong and sensational, good job! Keep writing!
P.S- I'm guessing you back yet?
| zanybellecloudo chapter 1 . 7/7/2018
Amazing world, very steampunk but with sobering realism. Your main character is so disconnected from the world, numbing himself further with this Oxytocin. Will anything bring him back from this fallen state and make him feel anything? I'd like to find out. Very refined work. Thanks for sharing, ZB.
| Goonipers chapter 1 . 7/7/2018
My first thought about the right index fingers is that there's a better way to say they're broken or injured. You hovered a lot on zir emotions, but I'm glad zir isn't suicidal. I've read too much Rick and Morty suicides this week!
You also need to separate dialogue from different people. One paragraph per person. You're allowed to write action before and afterwards.
I also need a better description of Halo. It's a sky city?! I caught that second skim through.
Muggers also go through your pockets. Does zir have an inside pocket for the Chow oxytocin? I don't like that it kills you. It read like it kills you immediately and this is a suicide fic.
Nice little story. Pity about the errors.