Reviews for Friday Night with My Brother
zanybellecloudo chapter 1 . 7/12
The first half of this story was really well polished. Descriptions of your characters, the environment and movement/flow is impressive. I wish I could write half as coherently. The middle with the sandwich felt a bit too drawn out, I would consider editing this down. Except the part with the pineapple, that was genius and amusing. I would suggest slurring their speech somewhat to fit in with the funny drunk scene you're aiming to provide too. Now, the end was the most important because it tapped into emotions and 'real life'. This brought a new layer to the otherwise observation style story and made it worth reading. Lee's reaction was true of many teens struggling to connect with parents and I valued the way you introduced this. There were hints of jealousy towards David and also deep seated angst and hurt from a neglected childhood. I wished you had explored this further and portrayed a reaction from his brother (the observer). Did he agree with Lee's views of his father? Did he feel empathy for him? I'm not sure why he laughs about the scene later. It was heartbreaking to know history repeated itself at the end. Sometimes making relationships work is an alien task and we are doomed to remain in fragile, unwanted and broken connections. Which we pretend to forget...
Thanks for sharing your work, ZB.
Rosalinda chapter 1 . 7/11
This short story really shows off your talent as a writer to develop characters. I love the emotion that you feel while reading Lee's dialogue especially. You can really understand how hurt he may have been and I love that the night went from giddy to serious. You made that transition very well. Great work. I'd love to see more works like this one.