|Reviews for The Glasdon Gems|
| Kam I Am chapter 1 . 10/20/2019
What a tense and compelling situation to open on. This is really all you need to tell an interesting story - two characters in conflict. Simple a premise as it is, your writing carries it on all the way through.
I will say that there’s a couple sentences that, while beautiful in concept, felt a little clunky in execution.
The idea of the “the voice cooed...” line is great, but by the time we’ve got to “left to grate away”, it almost feels like sensory overload. Too much description at times can have just as an adverse effect as too little. Particularly right out of the gate when the reader is still trying to get their bearings, a sentence that rich can be easy to trip over.
The only reason I bring this up is that moving forward, once the entire situation of this predator/kidnapper going after the girl has been fully established I was strapped in and excited to see where it goes. You vary the sentence structure enough further down (a much more effective way of engaging the reader imo), that things felt more engaging.
I figured I’d make note of it, regardless of if you’ll take the advice or not. It’s just one guys opinion/preference :).
A great opening beyond that though. Nice work.
| Fall Storm chapter 2 . 3/1/2019
Are you going keep going on this?
| Guest chapter 2 . 2/20/2019
I like this this far.
| Ckh chapter 1 . 11/19/2018
I don't know anything, but I'm intrigued. What is the true identity of the snake-like entity? You did a good job with your descriptions, though I mistook 'her' as 'it' a few times. I read too fast.