Reviews for Kanagawa is Dying
MuramotoHana chapter 2 . 1/16/2021
I found this short story quite interesting. The first chapter is a bit confusing, but works well as an introduction due to the shocking setting. You are thrown directly into it and you know the result. This encourages you to learn more.

The second chapter shows the reason for the result. I think it starts out really well and illustrates the protagonist's emotional world. The part in which the protagonist is detached from the body doesn't quite fit together with the first chapter. Either you end the second part immediately after the abuse or you go into it again in more detail from the first-person perspective. Even if it wasn't planned that way, it would have been quite interesting to experience the protagonist's disturbed emotional world. A paragraph in which he plans and imagines the execution.

To come back to the last question: in a way, the protagonist deserves his tragic end. He acts as an antihero. Although his initial situation is tragic and not his fault, he is straying from the right path. He indulges in bad emotions and becomes bad like his tormentors. In this respect it is correct that he should be redeemed from his suffering by the friend who kind of embodies the good in the world.
BOZ-DOS chapter 2 . 11/26/2018
Interesting. My only gripe with this story would be the build-up.

You were amazing with providing imagery. I felt like I was surely spectating the events of what he did in the classroom, right in front of all the action. I'll definitely be taking notes on your use of making the scene come alive and in the now, as compared to simply narrating it for what it was.

As for the build-up, I'll be frank. I felt nothing for the character other than a tinge of pity. Everything was too quick, I didn't really feel like I knew the MC's entire life story leading up to the events in the classroom. I understood the meaning in his action along with his friend's action, and you gave me an insight to their way of thinking. But everything was just so quick. My time with the MC or his friend was as fleeting as his brief rampage within the classroom.

Little blimps of grammatical mistakes in this chapter, but honestly I tend to overlook them if I can fill in the blanks. You were great with descriptions and handling the action.
BOZ-DOS chapter 1 . 11/26/2018
The first chapter definitely catches my attention. There's a couple of grammatical mistakes, a few past/present tense mix-ups, but overall you convey the point rather nicely in this chapter.
LeaClaire chapter 2 . 11/20/2018
It's a difficult question to answer without knowing more - how long was he bullied for, and to what extent? I was bullied for seven years, and my "reward" has been going to two top universities, gaining a wonderful partner and getting a job I enjoy, while most of those I was bullied by are working for minimum wage.
The line about watching himself last night is a little confusing, and could be worded better. I think potentially this scene is gorier than it needs to be.
Your writing is mainly very fluent, and dialogue is realistic. Your grammar is good, and you provide enough description, but do not overload the reader.
Shang chapter 2 . 11/11/2018
Well, this was... ummm... not my type of story to be sure. I kinda feel that you should rate it higher (possible 'M' rating), but that's me (after all my "Ghost Stories" are labelled 'T' as well and they will - at times - be graphic). Also 'angst' seem to be more accurate than 'horror' as a genre here, but these are semantics (is that the word in English?).

Much like with "Finding Purpose..." I'm not sure if it was a good idea to separate this into two chapters; while I can agree the moment you choose to end the first one is the best moment to do so, I kinda feel it might've been better to just leave it as a straight-out 'one shot', since the chapters feel very "uneven" for the lack of a better word.

You did leave me quite disturbed, which I'm sensing that was the goal of the story, so you did a good job there. The descent into madness feels pretty legit (although somewhat rushed due to the general length of the tale) and justified at that. The descriptions are done rather well to achieve the end effect.

The final question that you want answer to is actually a pretty complex one as i don't feel we know enough about Kanagawa to give a valid, informed answer. On one hand it is no wonder that he snapped: his teacher sucks, parents deserve no praise and his classmates stink to be sure, but it also seems Kanagawa himself does NOTHING to change any of these facts (aside from that short mention of defending his mother once)... in a way he is guilty of letting his life take the course that it did. As a certain saying goes (maybe I'm the author it, I just don't recall who is right now) "how can you expect anyone to fight for you, if you're not willing to fight for yourself?"
Again we have no, sufficient information to determine if the above is true or not, but if I were to give an answer to the question: no. Kanagawa deserves no reward, especially since in this case his "reward" scars his only friend - the only person that was kind to him - for life. He FORCES Miya to kill him. Assuming she isn't mad herself there an actual chance she will be afterward. In a way - on top of 'allowing' his own life to be screwed - he screwed up the rest of his only friend's life. This is how he repaid her for "being on his side".

While Kanagawa's behavior could be understood, it is not something that can be condolled and the way he "choose" to live his life deserves no reward either. So - in that context - my answer has to be 'no'.
lirianstar chapter 2 . 11/10/2018
Oh lord. He was so far gone that being killed by his crush - in his mind at least, was probably the best thing that could happen to him. It seems he knew what he had done - and when it all sank in it was probably too much. Death seemed like a relief...poor kid.

Not that I can blame him totally. Such a screwed up life - and the level was honestly beyond horrifying. [ though I wish you'd shown a little more about his mom's murder] Losing his sanity at some point...it makes sense given what was happening to him.

Nice ending. I really liked it!
Grimnir Esjay chapter 2 . 11/10/2018
Personally yes, I suppose getting killed by your only friend may as well be a coup de grace given how Kanagawa has gone mad. And I can't blame him, the fact he murdered his drunkard father who killed his own mother as well as murdering several of the students that bully him.

I think all those are justified since they were the very catalysts that made him mad and the closest thing for him to receive mercy was the coup de grace from Hanashima, and I honestly sympathize with him, he deserves better.
Grimnir Esjay chapter 1 . 11/10/2018
Well the first chapter ended before any conclusive answers can be discovered now I want to know even more why they want to kill him.
lirianstar chapter 1 . 11/3/2018
EEEKKKK!

That was just...freaky. A short piece, but you manage to intrigue the reader. Is Kanagawa an outcast? Looks like he has been bullied before...but killing him?

Why the hell would his classmates literally chop him up?

I'll wait for the explanation. Nice special!