|Reviews for Recluse No Longer|
| Myst Marshall chapter 8 . 7/3/2019
So I realized that this story has already been finished, which means I am super late in finding this story and reading it haha, but I hope my review will be helpful to you, even if you are no longer working on this particular story.
Hope you don't mind some constructive criticism!
1. In chapter one, you mentioned that Blake was the only male on that floor, which I understand was to set up how strange it was for Blake to feel something towards Danielle, but what are the odds of that happening in reality? Maybe the company is more female dominated, which would make sense. :)
2. A minor thing that I noticed in chapter one was that you switched to second person for a brief second, in this particular line, "Can you blame him?" I'm not sure if this is just part of your writing style, but for me, it ruined the flow of third person narration for a quick second there, so I just wanted to point it out.
3. The reason that I clicked on this story is because I like to read about recluse characters because most people tend to write about more outgoing/social characters so I was really interested in seeing a recluse character for once! You didn't disappoint; the way you crafted Blake's dialogue gave me the impression that he wasn't so good with words, which only made Blake even more in character. Nice touch on the "ers", "uhms" and etc.
4. In chapter two, when Blake went back to his apartment, there was a sentence or two describing how many rooms and bathrooms in the apartment which I felt was really unnecessary since the rest of the chapter was actually focused on Blake's thoughts about Danielle. I particularly enjoyed the part where you painted a partial picture of what his apartment looked like when Blake was imagining spending time with Danielle in the those places - that gives description without outright telling, if you know what I mean.
5. I really enjoyed how the roles reserved between the two of them. Typically, the guy is the confident one and the female is the shy one, so I'm glad that you went for the complete opposite and I think you really showcased it nicely with Danielle taking the lead to make progress in their relationship. Lowkey though, I'm wondering what made Danielle become attracted to Blake.
6. On last thing, in chapter three, when the guys were having a conversation, I noticed that you didn't have any names, which is really strange since Blake mentioned that those guys were his "friends." I understand because sometimes I really am too lazy to give names to insignificant characters, but in that instance, it just seemed weird that Blake didn't mention them by name.
7. The ending felt like a cliffhanger haha. We finally got to see Blake breaking out of his shell (slightly) and then it ends. If you ever decide to make the story longer, a possible idea could be showing all of the progress Blake makes with stepping out of his comfort zone and possibly creating more tension between Blake and Danielle before the drunk episode.
Anyways, I hoped this helped and this was what you were after when you wanted to know the reader's thoughts. Feel free to ignore any of the above if you want. :)
Thank you for the read! Maybe I'll see you around on your other works; I look forward to it!
| zagato chapter 8 . 3/23/2019
This is lovely, thanks!
| younghomiewhatyoutrippinon chapter 1 . 2/1/2019
This seems like an interesting story so I will give it a follow