Great start! I'd like to see how this is going to turn out. You know what, you can publish your book in NovelStar, and I am sure that a lot of readers will love your work.

This is incredibly unfocused. You describe things that are irrelevant and you fail to describe things that are crucially important. For example, you describe what characters are wearing and maybe things that stand out, like purple hair, but you fail to give the reader the most basic information about the characters, like their AGE and what they specifically look and sound like. You also jump around so much and in such a seemingly random way that I barely had any sense of place or time. I’m sorry for being this blunt, but you REALLY need to focus your writing. Best of luck.

This is pure fun. I hope to see it continued. Feels like a solid combination of epic sci-fi and space adventure, easily two of my favorite things. Dialogue is well done, feels natural. Everything flows well making it an easy and engaging read. Keep up the good work!