|Reviews for Roku to Hachi|
| Grimnir Esjay chapter 7 . 10/27/2020
Ah the long wait is over, and it was most definitely worth it.
I was honestly surprised that Hikaru and maybe Senri won't be joining them, those two might become good additions to the group. But at the same time add some interesting dynamics between the others with Hikaru being a sort of foil/Rival to Roku or Hachi while Senri being a mother or second in command member of the group.
The addition of Himeka into the already present rivalry between Roku and Namie brings some interesting implications, for me it comes off as her viewing Namie a rival though what she thinks about her is yet to be revealed.
I'm also curious on how long will that Evac site will last since it's only a matter of time until an infected comes and all hell breaks loose. Though it's a bit of a stretch given how tight the security has become as this chapter reveals.
Now then for the Ships:
There isn't much happening as of yet, but with the introduction of Himeka into the cast and group provides some insight to the implications that I mentioned. Especially when you're going for the Harem Route for Roku.
It's possible that like Namie, she too likes Roku but immediately figured out that to get to Roku she'll need to defeat Namie hence her participation on the events where the two would compete. How Namie might react might differ and I'm going for two possibilities.
1.) Continuing the Trend of Dense Lovers, Namie might be dense to the fact that Himeka might like Roku (likely from ignorance or that she concluded that Roku isn't popular enough for him to fall under her strike zone) and is in for a shock if Himeka reveals that possibility.
2.) She knows and she sees her as a rival. It is possible that she lets her get involved in their rivalry as a way of her showing that Roku is hers.
Eitherway we'll have to find out what will happen on the next chapter.
TLDR: definitely worth the wait.
| Grimnir Esjay chapter 6 . 8/23/2020
Ah yes, finally got around to read this now then let's dive into the it.
The Military handing over the handling the City's Defense agianst the Zombies to the Police makes sense, after all they can't stick around further as there are other locations that could be in a worse state as this one. But that being said that also raises questions on how will that end as Emi explained that they are leading the situation 'for now' which gives us a handful of possibilities:
A.) The Police Will take over but the way they handle it would be the equivalent of them just being assholes where they get to do whatever they want with a 'We're protecting your sorry asses so be grateful'
B.) The Police Will be able to protect them but only for a limited time, it will start off as a great time but as the weeks and months have passed they'll run out of resources and either get overrun by Zombies or other groups (like the old man from earlier)
Jokes aside, I'm also concerned about the military man that was giving them a thorough check. Now it's justified that given how the infection is transmitted through bites they'll need to check the body for any bites at this point it's a basic SOP for these kinds of stuff (which kind of reminds me of the Korean Movie 'The Flu') but while it's played off as a joke by Hachi (and the Doctor handling them) perhaps in my own paranoia and pessimism gives me the implication that the two will be molested by him.
Either way, given how well armed the military and no mention of an exitway I'd say their chances of escaping are slim. That or a horde of zombies or somoene who's infected turns and gives them a window to escape. Also I love the subtle explanation on what the gun is, makes Namie's survival from getting shot more reasonable and less of plot armor.
Now that that out of the way let's move to more important matters.
First of all, dammit Namie and Hachi you two could have phrased that question a lot better, it didn't help that Emi is at least looking forward for something too. But given it was Namie who make him say those gives the hint that she is aware at the fact that Emi likes Hachi, which brings up the idea that Emi and Namie might actually be be friends sharing the idea that they're both in love with the two, that or the two are just a pair of Moronsexuals given how dense the two are.
Speaking of dense, Roku and Hachi calling each other out for being dense makes the situation even funnier. While at the same time gives me this image that while Hachi was about to point out that Namie likes Roku, Namie is standing behind him with a murderous glare that Roku is unaware.
With that being said, I really didn't notice that the word count was shorter but either way it was a fun chapter with yet another cliffhanger. I guess I'll be looking forward to the next chapter soon.
| Grimnir Esjay chapter 5 . 7/4/2020
Hoo boy a new chapter let's start:
First, I'm glad that Namie and Hachi survived that encounter though I am skeptical that one can use a body to block a shotgun blast though that can be possible with the distance between her and the gunman it was nonetheless a relief that she didn't end up like Nina (for now).
Second, let's talk about the old man, I feel like this isn't the last time we'll see him. Best case scenario is that he never does show up or they'll find him but dead or as a Zombie, but at the worst case scenario...hoo boy I have a few:
Old Man hunts them down Solo
The Old man will eventually find some better weapons and fulfill his vendetta against Namie and hunt down the others. Maybe even kill a few of them in front of Namie and Roku to push them further on the edge as a form of Psychological warfare until finally one of them snaps and kills the old man as he goes 'see you in hell murderer' and finally dies.
Old Man forms a survivor group and manipulates them into hunting the two down
This one is from my opinion the worse of the two worst-case scenarios, where he would go and find a sympathetic group and tells them that Roku's group are a bunch of psychos that tortured him agrees to hunt them down in a form of twisted vigilante justice. At worse, they may even try and rape the girls in the group as a way to enact psychological warfare on the group while torturing Roku and the rest until they finally decides to kill them all only for the old man to pull the see you in hell tactic again to shake Roku up.
Right after that dark side time to focus on the more important parts of the Review: Roku and Namie again!
While it shows us that Namie is at least mentally stronger between the two of them, likely since she was alone when Day 1 hits, it also shows us that despite her bickering with Roku she generally cares for him as she immediately goes to talk to him about what happened. Second, that blush itself says a lot on what she thinks about him despite everything showing that she definitely hints at something but Roku (and her) may or may not be aware.
One thing I am certain is that Hachi seems to slowly notice something between the two of them, if my speculation (Read: Shipping Headcanon) is correct he might have run into Namie (who most likely has that blush on her face when she went down) and Roku (who has that grin on his face) causing him to put two and two together and notices that there is something more to this Rivalry that he always sees in his best friend.
Well either way I'll look forward to the next chapter, even if it will take a while for you to make.
| Grimnir Esjay chapter 4 . 6/26/2020
okay so, I'm going to start with the Important Parts:
Welp I'm loving the interactions between Roku and Namie. Let's see to start with we have their usual banter where Namie teases him after mistaking Hachi's foot fetish for his own only for him to end up explaining that he is in fact into Thighs which then ends up with him pointing out that his personal favorite are her shorts and socks resulting in a very much adorable reaction towards him after that.
Second is that there's this hints that when Roku took a nap, Namie slept next to him despite their bickerings and insults with one another giving this a 'show don't tell' factor into their relationship (as well as the image of him sleeping on her lap while she plays videogames and eventually falling asleep).
However what I didn't like was in fact the cliffhanger, mainly the sudden implication that Namie had been shot. To which I would hope that A.) she doesn't die early much like what happened to Nina in Finding Purpose and B.) Turn into a semi-sentient Zombie that follows Roku around cause that's just Necrophilia (plus I doubt Roku will enjoy fondling cold dead thighs in contrast to living ones).
Right, that had to be done, now onwards to the Analysis.
I'm surprised that in just two days into the Zombie Apocalypse, there are already psychos who are just running around killing everyone Human or Zombie alike unless that was a typo which also checks out. Also, it's quite concerning regarding the smoke on the horizon, I'm curious if whether or not the Military decided to just burn and level the place down with fire and explosives instead as a way of 'thinning the herd' with a lack of a better term.
Either way, Great chapter, going to look forward to the next one soon.
| Grimnir Esjay chapter 3 . 4/30/2020
Phew finally got the chance to read this chapter.
First and foremost I like the new additions in the Narration it's a lot more smoother than before and much easier to read.
Second, being the pathetic shipper that I am I will gladly point out that the romantic tension between Roku and Nana is very obvious, I like the touch where the two would compete on almost everything and I'm honestly not surprised that at least some of their surviving classmates think that the two are attracted to one another.
Third, is that small mention on Hachi's possible girlfriend I can't help but wonder if she'll appear or if she's already dead, then again if they were to find Hoshimi's older sister I wouldn't be surprised that Hachi would have at the very least some ship teasing as well to balance out the one between Roku and Nana.
Fourth, yeah it's quite suspicious on the lack of both Military and the large amount of Zombies within the area. As far as my knowledge on Zombie films and shows go we might have the worst case scenario on our hands which is in fact that the mentioned Evacuation Center is in fact overrun and all the Zombies that they've found are in fact the survivors. In that case I'm worried about their classmates who took the bus to that Evac Center.
That being said I'm glad you got around and uploaded this chapter, I'll look forward to the next chapter.
| Shang chapter 1 . 2/10/2020
Okay; got some time - figured I'll R&R a bit. I didn't go for "Finding Purpose..." as it kinda seems there's been changed to the previous chapters of the story and that would require me to re-read before reaching the moment I left off and I don't have the time for that now.
Anyways: I'm not a huge fan of Zombie Apocalypse stuff... such tales can be interesting, character studies to be sure, but commonly these stories have a hard time standing out, because the premise itself has not only been done "to death" (heh - pun :D) in recent years, but also how unique can you be with this? Zombies never struck me as a really danger since they are slow and their only, actual strength is in numbers since a single zombie is commonly dispatched quickly and easily by an ARMED human, but maybe you'll attempt to change this view. We shall see.
There are quite a few grammar and stylistic mistakes (like using "was" in stead of "were" an vice versa) which do push me to advice a proof-read because while I'm not exactly the one to point out mistakes if they're not major, this felt like there's a lot and many being on basics I believe.
A also had a bit of a problem with narration; I think I've mentioned this with "Finding Purpose...", but I feel like you're trying too hard to relay to us the characters' trail of thoughts and not enough about their emotion (in this type of story - as in Zombie Apocalypse - I think it should be the opposite). One of examples would be when Hachi and Roku were choosing their destination: cafeteria or storage room. They went with the latter which is fine and - in my opinion - makes perfect sense regardless to the situation, so when you go in detail about why they did that you were losing me a bit.
It didn't help that the way you approached this was passive: if you would have Hachi and Roku discuss where to go first and each making their argument, it probably would've worked, but using narration for it felt kinda dry like you were just "reading a news report" rather than invoke emotions in readers.
Also a bit more descriptions regarding their surroundings might help. You could even use these to shape the atmosphere with making the spaces tighter for giving readers extra anxiety that there's little room to escape and the like.
I also have mixed feelings about the scene with Namie and Roku when she's just set on bashing his face in; I know manga accepts humor even in dire situations, so there is some leniency there, but this felt way over the top, given the situation; as I understand it's just the second day of the apocalypse, the state the world is in right now isn't the norm yet so as students trapped in such a predicament, they should be terrified and insecure, yet I don't sense that from either of the three at all if they casually "kill" zombies and Nana is so self-assured that she's willing to risk all their lives because of a stupid comment that wasn't even that offensive, especially since "she started it".
Now the second half of the chapter seemed better and I would advice that to be the direction you want to take: the trio leaving the students and than basically sacrificing another when he put them in danger... it's the kind of morally grey choices that are a stample of Zombie Apocalypse stories and are meant to be used for character studies. In that regard it is GREAT that Roku felt guilt, albeit he did seem to let go of it fairly easy and seemed to be more distrout about tossing this Youko girl's (which he barely knew) than actually being - pretty much - directly responsible for a person's death. It is not something an average person should be able to brush aside that quickly. At later point of the story, when the protagonists get used to zombies and making such choices - sure, but at the start this is all new to them and - I think - they should act accordingly.
If you wanna keep this story "grounded" than I do believe what I wrote above merits consideration. If it is meant to be more of an action story (in vain of my titles on this site) than it's more acceptable.
On the plus side Roku and Hachi's dynamic is pretty good and I do believe you have the setting done right, you just need to utilize it. I do wonder where this will go from here.
Sorry this turned out rather negative in the end, but I do believe this can be a strong story (despite the premise ;)). It's just the type of story that do require more attention to detail than most "shounen" styled tales.
| Grimnir Esjay chapter 2 . 1/18/2020
Oof finally a new chapter is out, the starts itself makes a nice little callback to the previous chapter as well. And I find it slightly amusing that of all the people that Roku had brought along on his group it had to be the one he least gets along with.
Also the two certainly have their priorities straight.
| cud-b-better chapter 1 . 10/6/2019
Well you drew my attention with the words Zombie Apocalypse. Not a bad start. Quite like the choice of sacrificing the student that endangered them. He let the guilt go really easily though. But I think it could do with a bit of a look over in terms of wording and typos. I think that some of the writing is also too passive, and a bit wordy. My thought is that you should try to go for as much content with the least amount of words. First I would try restructuring your sentences so the subject is at the start of it for example:
head of the creature - creature's head
Anyway I'll put down some of the typos/errors I noticed although I decided to give up on it part way through.
They have slept in this place so they hadn't [have] the chance to change clothes - [had]
We have to think [for] our next destination - [about]
Roku held [the] knob - [missed out]
It took [as] second for Hachi to get - [a]
considerable [distanced] between them [each other] on the stairway - [distance] [don't need this part]
Roku silently approached [side of zombie] - [the zombie's side]
Now [we do] head first? - [where do we]
The two target location was in the opposite direction of the other - The two target locations were in opposite directions
the cafeteria [has] more zombies - [had]
all the students in this school that Roku saw who survived were himself, Hachi, and one other person - Other than Hachi and himself, Roku only knew of one more survivor
Better try doing it not too obviously next time - I'll try not to be too obvious next time.
Well I hope this helps, the content of the story itself however was pretty entertaining.
| BrotherDan chapter 1 . 8/27/2019
I like the dynamic created between Roku and Hachi. Roku seems like a smart character and Hachi seems somewhat carefree. I like the balance of dialogue between the two. I also think Nana is an exciting and interesting character, I like how she handles zombies.
I also really like the atmosphere of the setting that you've set up here. The idea of zombies that can only hear is very unique and adds an exhilarating twist to the plot. How will they maneuver through the story knowing that silence is a key to survival? It's very interesting.
While I understand this is one of your first attempts at 3rd-person limited perspective, I found some sections muddled. I think the story would work best told from 3rd-person character perspectives, like for this chapter, 3rd-person with focus on Roku. But that's just my opinion. I would also say, be mindful of your grammar, sometimes the tense changes in your sentences and it breaks the word flow.
Overall this is really interesting and I'm looking forward to what comes next.
Check out my story Drugstore Cowboy if you have the time, I'd appreciate the feedback from a fellow writer of the supernatural.
| Grimnir Esjay chapter 1 . 8/19/2019
To be honest this is the first Zombie Apocalypse Story (and now it's giving me some crazy ideas now great...) Roku and Hachi give me this Shaun of the Dead vibes from the two, to be honest. But that aside from the premise of them just surviving is pretty neat, looks like I have more stories to look forward to.