Reviews for The Vision
lili365 chapter 1 . 12/14/2024
I hope this message finds you well. I recently had the pleasure of reading your story, "The Vision " and was truly captivated by its unique narrative and creativity. The depth and imagination in your work inspired me alot. I think this is the best story which i never ever read the way you described and the emotions like each and everything is incredible. It's too good would love to hear about your upcoming stories. I'm an artist if you would like to give me a chance to draw some of your characters for your stories or something like coverart for your story so that would be my truly honour to work with you also i'll share some dope ideas with you feel free to dm.

Discord: lili365
Instagram: lili_36.5
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Jessie Phoenix Sky chapter 1 . 9/12/2019
I love this concept! I could definitely see it becoming a TV show one day. I really hope you'll continue it. I'm curious to see if she'll be able to save Carter in time. My current W.I.P will also have a seer in it so I'm excited to see a similar story. Maybe we could even do a crossover one day. I also love your writing technique. You write very well, and pulled me in. Keep at it, you're really onto something here.
Electrumquill chapter 1 . 9/6/2019
I think this is your first time, so welcome to the review game! I know the minimum requirements for the easy fix game are very small, but we are free to do more if we so choose.

So, looking at The Vision.

I’m immediately thinking that Flickerdale is in an affluent part of the United States and the fact that alcohol is a problem means they are either very young indeed, or that prohibition is still in effect in their state? Be aware that not everyone who plays this game is from the US. Getting a sense of the world across is important early on.

Cute detail, that Carter’s smile seemed to swallow his face. All hail the era of emoticon-speak!
A good touch, getting the characters to have distinctive ways of expressing themselves early on. Carter then is the kind of kid who tries to impress by using words like copacetic.

Another good touch with dialog. Raina definitely sounds very pedestrian.

Problem – this is from Claire’s POV, isn’t it? It sounds unnatural for her to think about her hair in this way. I don’t think “I’m running my fingers through my greying hair.” It’s not normal for Claire to think about the colour or texture of her hair either.

Comes across well that Raina’s in a huff after Claire chose Carter’s party over hers.

OK, I do like the vision. And it’s good that it is awkward and painful for Claire to experience it. A gift like hers should come with a price. Maybe play that up. The more useful her visions are, the more they cost her to experience. Most of us amateur critics will praise you if you do it like that.
I’m hoping the vampire is the type that is a terrible monster who can create an illusion of glamour. They’re so much cooler than Twilighty sparkly vampire.
Stuffo chapter 1 . 9/6/2019
I liked it, but it felt choppy. I still wanna know what happens.