|Reviews for Atalanus|
| Cynthia Brent chapter 11 . 8/8
This was a beautiful chapter! My favorite thing was the way the common people carve driftwood into whales and dolphins to offer to the sea gods. I felt like I was really there and could see how they live and what they care about. What makes this chapter a bit slow is there is not enough sense of urgency and no clear cut suspense or danger. Maybe if you do another draft you can show Nymias with a goal, like trying to figure something out or spot someone in the procession.
| Cynthia Brent chapter 10 . 7/31
Great chapter! I love how Ilande is so powerful and mysterious yet so helpless and vulnerable at the same time. I also loved how she had a softer side this chapter when she was caring for her sick friends and servants. Did you end this chapter suddenly? Most of them end with a note to the readers but this one just stopped! I love your style, but I would have changed a couple of things. The street urchins should just be wearing rags, you don't have to say "by the cut of their clothes, they look like street urchins." Also the word "dearth" is confusing. Does it mean they're not catching any fish and whales at all? Or that the day's catch is getting smaller every day? Working in a fancy word like "dearth" is okay, but sometimes it's better just to say what you mean directly!
| Cynthia Brent chapter 9 . 7/21
Great chapter! The bath chamber was so real, and the way Nymias is so confident in herself and has such wisdom about the history of her empire. I also loved how confident she is in approaching her father and getting him to give her a larger role in solving the mystery. And how the early information about Ilande and the desert is used so effectively! When this whole story is finished you should try to sell it someplace like Wings E Press. They publish a lot of fantasy!
| Cynthia Brent chapter 8 . 7/11
I really enjoyed this chapter! I agree that the beautiful dialogue between Orsini and his wife was the best part of it, but the information on the different lands and the size of the empire was fascinating too. I really like the way you write high fantasy! And the intimacy of the conversation was so real, especially when she called Orsini by his nickname. It felt so quiet and personal!
| Cynthia Brent chapter 7 . 1/26
Wow, what a great chapter! I am in awe of how confidently you are building this world. The details are so rich and full of history! I loved the chemistry between Nymias and her grandmother Ravenna too. The only advice I would have is to maybe be more selective with detail. That is to say, the suspense in the present and the characters clashing is wonderful, but the descriptions of past legends and battles can take the reader out of the present and slow the pace if you're not careful to only present the most important details. But I sense an enormous growth in confidence in your writing since you first began, and that confidence is well earned!
| Cynthia Brent chapter 6 . 1/15
This was a great chapter! I loved how well you captured Dahlia's personality. She's so utterly feminine, and I loved how mature and cynical and sophisticated she was. Her wry sense of humor I just adored, especially how she feels about being pregnant and how the spear of Cyrus has done its damage! I loved how well you captured the heat, the intrigue, and the danger of the weapons training. I really want to know more about Xanthia too!
| Cynthia Brent chapter 5 . 12/27/2019
Nymias and Ilande are back together again! Yay! I was so amazed by this chapter, it felt like it must have took weeks to write! I'm not usually a fantasy reader, but as you know I really love the original Conan stories by Robert E. Howard. So much of this story reminded me of that! I loved how Nymias is so confident and at home everywhere, how she's ruthless and cynical but doesn't care anything about people's rank and nationality. You write the most amazing female characters, even if you don't like romance I hope there will be some male characters to balance Nymias and Ilande!
| Cynthia Brent chapter 4 . 11/11/2019
What a great chapter! I just love Nymias and her strong personality. She is exactly the kind of heroine readers are looking for! At the same time I am amazed by the wealth of detail and richness you put into building your imaginary world, even down to naming the ship the Dread Queen and having a story to explain that. There was so much humor in the way Lucian is utterly befuddled and outclassed by Nymias - I hope he doesn't try to betray her in some way! This is a very promising story, I hope you write more soon.
| Cynthia Brent chapter 3 . 10/31/2019
This was a beautiful chapter! I was amazed once again at the details, the feeling of a complete world coming to life. And I loved the emperor's relationship with his mother! I have some suggestions but they are very minor and are just a matter of vocabulary and word choice.
"Shall we get to the point?" I loved that sentence because there were several places where a sentence or two could have been deleted and the story would have been much stronger. In the first paragraph, the first and third sentence are excellent, the second sentence is not really necessary.
"omnipotent" eyes, should probably be "all-seeing" eyes. Eyes can't be all-powerful.
interregnum is a time between kings, like Cromwell's protectorate. Interval would be safer.
"opiate" combination of victory and fanaticism. Opiates make people sleepy like Charity Hill! "Intoxicating" is a much better word because it could mean people getting reckless and being drunk on victory!
| Cynthia Brent chapter 2 . 10/5/2019
I really enjoyed this chapter! I am much more comfortable in this setting, it reminds me of King's Landing in GAME OF THRONES or Rome in I CLAUDIUS. I love the decadence and wealth and the family quarrels that are so brilliantly described. Orsini seems like such a nice man, I hope that he can rely on Nymias and they become a team like father and daughter! The only suggestion I have is that sometimes the language is so over the top that it becomes funny, like when Orsini says the voices at the table "babble and echo like demons." It makes him sound silly, or crazy, when I think he is meant to be dignified and wise. Please post again soon!
| shadewithoutcolor chapter 2 . 10/5/2019
AHHHHH KATEEEE! Ok I will say that I am glad you have a new story. I know fantasy is no longer your jam, but the way you bulid your story is so good. So colour me intrugied, I am looking forward to the dynamics here :)
| Cynthia Brent chapter 1 . 9/24/2019
Oh, I like this! The beauty of the writing and the atmosphere is so much more evident here than in the science fiction stories, where everything is very stark and ugly. I felt that you had already written hundreds of pages about these characters and the world they live in because the descriptions were so vivid and suggested so many chapters of a past history for everyone. Please continue!