|Reviews for The Scanlon Sisters|
| Whirlymerle chapter 5 . 11/15/2019
Haha, so how old is this poet? I get the impression he’s older than college aged? Are these high school kids not creeped out that some strange adult is at their party? Interesting plot twist!
Anyway, overall, I enjoyed the chemistry between Harold and Alexie- that felt very natural and fun.
I nominate Ally for polishing, however. For instance, I can’t imagine any teenage girl saying “I stimulate you with my intellect” with all seriousness. I think she needs to be balanced out, either with more sympathetic personality traits or characteristics that showcase more explicitly that she actually does high school aged things.
Thanks for the read!
| Whirlymerle chapter 4 . 11/15/2019
Haha I like Harold’s line about how it would be really hard to follow Ally if she picks Smith.
I will say that if I were Alexie, I'd be pretty offended if someone told me he's basically seen me naked because he's seen my twin naked.
| Whirlymerle chapter 2 . 11/15/2019
Hi there! Your story caught my eye so here I am! I was interested in the dynamic between Alexie and Ally. When Ally says things like “Why do you even bother taking the SATs,” or “you don’t deserve to do well,” it seems like she goes beyond generally unsupportive to downright cruel.
Is it because she feels like she’s worked hard all her life and is secretly afraid Alexie will do really well despite making choices that were “fun” as opposed to “responsible” for the last however many years? That could be an interesting facet to dig into more.
Also, quick suggestion. You use a lot of different ways to say “said.” For instance, in one chunk of dialogue, I see “advised,” “pouted,” “insisted,” “replied,” “countered,” “explained” etc. While those speaker tags can be helpful to show the tone of the characters, they tend to distract from the actual dialogue. I’d argue that it’s more powerful to let the dialogue show for itself the intentions of the characters behind them.
| cat10985 chapter 5 . 11/6/2019
I hope this isn’t the end! I really liked this and want to see what happens! You could keep it going with them going to college and after! I hope you have more in mind!