Wonderful story. If you have some great stories like this one, you can publish it on Novel Star, just submit your story to or

This is probably irrelevant at this point, but I'd be interested in a sequel. Your book is good, despite the surprise kiss and not being great at some kinds of social justice. I have not yet found any plot holes, big or small, besides the date mixup. Neither protagonist is a blank character (you might be surprised how common blank protagonists are, despite being boring and lazy writing). Your grammatical errors could easily be fixed by a copy editor, easily enough that by now I'm editing them in my head as I read and don't always notice them. I didn't have to perform frequent that-ectomies while reading. I actually don't remember any, and usually I notice at least a few extraneous 'that's.

What I'm trying to say, in my long-winded, overly involved way, is that this is a good story. Better than plenty of professionally published books, really, except for the lack of polishing. So, keep it up. And if you want to improve your writing, Query Shark, Writing With Color, and Mythcreants are all really good. I also recommend them for pleasure reading. Mythcreants has comics.

Ok, fine, I'm ACTUALLY REALLY DONE now.

Indigo out.

Oh, Luce, tell me it wasn't a surprise kiss. Tell me you leaned in and gave her a chance to lean away. Surprise kisses are not romantic. They are sexual assault. And it would be out of character for you, since you try not to cross boundaries like that.

Oh, me? I was just talking to the person you made up. I do that.

FEELS.

THEY ARE HAPPENING.

THAT'S PROBABLY NOT GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT, BUT WHATEVER.

THE FEELS.

Somehow I'm not surprised by it being Mickey. I don't know why. Maybe it's just cause I'm in a weird mood right now.

So, I tried to think of more stuff while reading the last couple chapters. I came up with the following list:
1. No POC. Not plot-relevant, so wouldn't be very difficult to change the race of one or more characters. Research is always important.
2. This is where I would usually say 'no LGBTQ characters'. But you have one or more. And while Jez does unfortunately fall into stereotypes of bi and pan people being promiscuous, it doesn't seem like the two are connected. She's not promiscuous because she's bi, or vice versa. There's zero slut-shaming. This kind of just turned into me gushing about Jezebel, whoops. Maybe I'll try again later.

Or maybe I'll gush about Jezebel in depth later.

Aagh, I just realized I haven't been doing constructive criticism!

I mean, there's really just a few typos, the confusing thing with the dates near the beginning, and italics and line breaks in weird places. At least on a copy editing level. I'm sure if I think about it I can come up with more.

Aww, he's not blowing it up for her! Even though there's been a distinct lack of explosions! That's so sweet! (I'm laughing my head off)

Oh, does SOMEONE have his first actual romantic crush? That isn't just sexual attraction? Could that possibly be what this is?

Fair warning: if Luce keeps being all awkward and confused, I'll probably tease him mercilessly every one of his chapters. Feel free to ignore me.

Oh, is Luce getting uncomfortable, fluttery FEELINGS? I wonder what that could mean.

Unrelated to this chapter: I started thinking about what would happen if Jez decided she wanted to sleep with someone who happened to be ace. It'd probably be pretty funny. And now I want to write it, arrgh.

Yay character development. Yay actual hopes and dreams. Not yay story-I-read-recently-that-had-potential-but-also-a-blank-protagonist-and-SO-MANY-other-problems. I'd still be ranting about it if my sister wasn't sick of hearing about it. You probably don't care.

This story is much better. And Luce isn't waving red flags everywhere, which is always a plus. It actually seems like Luce and Liv could have a healthy relationship at some point, something sadly lacking in many romance novels. Yay you.

Yes, I'm still reading this when I should be sleeping. Still good so far. I'm just reviewing now because I thought you'd like to know Liv's journal entry said November 18th this chapter, but the one two chapters ago said November 19th.

Lucifer de Vil. Any relation to Cruella? Yes, I find myself amusing.

I guessed what Jez was short for! Yay!

Now, on to the constructive criticism, which almost all my reviews contain: I found a few typos. Also, I don't really get why Lucifer was so irritated about the femininity of 'Luci'. He grew up in Hell, so would he still have toxic masculinity ingrained in him? Or was it mostly because his it was his sister saying it?

Hopefully this makes sense. I'm pretty tired, so it may not be coherent. So far this story is good, yay.

One last thing: yay for amateur copy editors! (Attempts to fist bump Myst Marshall; succeeds in fist bumping phone.)

I really enjoyed the story and looking forward to the sequel! Will definitely check out your other stuff. I don't have twitter but will continue to follow you here.

What a wonderful story. I really liked the idea, and especially the character of Olivia. I found she’s very relatable. I really hope you post the sequel! :)