|Reviews for Wicked|
| She Who Loves Pineapples II chapter 11 . 3/29
I like how you tied the ending into Kyle's story arc - he felt inadequate because he's mediocre, but learned to appreciate it. I think fleshing in the ending a bit more would help a lot, and putting more hints about Jesse/Jake from Kyle's POV to make it easier for Kim and Kyle to draw all the conclusions they drew in the last chapter. Having Kim be more involved would help a lot.
The past life stuff is interesting - I was wondering about that, after Marie mentioned Jake's past life as a Chinese prince, and that he'd suffered some damage from his past life. Espsecially because Jake had been meditating at the Buddhist temple. All the ties across lifetimes makes me wonder if Kyle is really so free... is he going to be harmed by Jake again in his next life? (The audio drama/movie Evil Eye deals with that question; this reminded me of it.)
| She Who Loves Pineapples II chapter 6 . 3/26
Interesting twist at the end there, a name we haven’t heard yet. Also some interesting insight into Jake’s personality via Marie - it struck me that some of the things she said about him could apply to Kyle as well as Jake and it makes me wonder if that’s part of why Jake feels that way - he sees himself in Jake and his narcissism makes him interpret that as some word twisted form of love. Once again, good use of detail to paint Ethan’s store, Kim’sf family, their friends - all of it feels like this clips be a real group of people. I’m Interested in setting where this story goes and plan to continue reading.
| She Who Loves Pineapples II chapter 5 . 3/25
So, I was wrong. He's been doing black magic after all. I am still wondering about the source of his fixation on Kyle - Kyle doesn't even seem to notice Jake, and maybe that's why he's so fixated? But there has to be more to it than that.
God, The Secret was such a terrible book. You know, that book is all about how if you think about stuff, it'll come to you - so when you mentioned it, I suspected you were implying that Jake wasn't actually trying to kill Kyle through black magic, but was simply thinking about it so much that it manifested in reality. It was almost kinda disappointing to see that he actually was messing with demons; kinda ruins the suspense.
| She Who Loves Pineapples II chapter 4 . 3/25
So, it does seem that Jake isn't Kyle's ex-boyfriend, though I suppose it's possible that they were childhood crushes who Kyle wasn't thinking about (Kyle *has* felt unlucky since childhood), or that Jake loves Kyle from afar, I'm already looking for the twist. My first thought was that Kim had an unrequited crush and placed the curse, hence all her involvement with magic - but if that was so, wouldn't she have reacted differently to hearing about it? Even if she had done it accidentally? Or maybe Kyle is the object of Jake's unrequited love's affection? Or maybe it's different - Jake doesn't really want his love *dead* so much as he wants to be the one to kill him. Placing a curse to get someone to die in a traffic accident doesn't seem like something he would want to do, even if he was capable of doing it. So, I gotta wonder about side characters. Is Brody involved somehow? Hmmmm...
| She Who Loves Pineapples II chapter 3 . 3/25
Great opening, deliberately subverting expectations. The previous chapter would lead us to believe that Jake was dabbling in black magic and placed a curse on Kyle. The mention of the Satanic book seems a deliberate nod to those expectations which then subverts them - it is the only book he owns that he isn't interested in. One could infer that he got it for himself because he expected it would contain blood and violence.. when it's actually just a philosophy book.
Jake's backstory is interesting here. He was loved, but he had no stability in his life - probably leading to his issues, where he has a need for control and a sense of entitlement that blend together and manifest as his violent fantasies. Certainly, the drugs don't help... his friends (well, "friends"... I get the feeling he doesn't particularly like them) are also painted with enough detail to make them feel real and interesting. Perhaps even a bit sympathetic? Laurene is the most sympathetic to me - the fact that she wants the band to play at the party for the popular kids makes me suspect that she may actual have a passion for the music buried somewhere underneath all that bitterness and mental instability, likely resulting in the lack of executive function that would be necessary to really pursue her passion.
Where is this story set, that there are orphanages? What's Jake's living situation now?
| She Who Loves Pineapples II chapter 2 . 3/25
This was a really strong chapter, especially considering you're introducing your second POV character, and he seems to be a relatively normal and decent person compared to Jake - takes more finesse to draw attention without delving into screwed-up fantasies, but you handle it excellently, I think, most especially, because of all the attention to detail. The tourist town, Kim being a new age spiritualist who used to be the girl in middle school who hisses at people, the psychic's home and clothing and corgi dog - all the details adding up to give Kyle the feeling of a real person. Especially with his (probably) depression, it helps convey the idea that he's a gray shadow in a colorful world.
Wondering about Kyle's relationship to Jake - the obvious conclusion to draw is that he's the one who jilted Jake somehow, but I suspect that may be a deliberate red herring and that their stories are going to connect in some other way. Guess we'll see...
| She Who Loves Pineapples II chapter 1 . 3/25
Well, off to a dark start! Not at all unexpected for the work you post on this account, but this starts the darkest. Immediately throwing us into the mind of someone who is not only messed up in the head, but revels in the dark ideas he obsesses over. The small details of his fantasizing here is chilling - really brings out the depth of the character as we see all the small things, such as his victim's nervousness, that Jake's mind comes up with.
| acumashindorballomu chapter 11 . 3/2/2020
Poor Kyle, he may have survived this ordeal, but in the end he was left scarred and now it's back to being his usual closeted self with his obviously misunderstanding parents. At least his friends will help him move on with his life, thus bringing this tale to an end.
It was a fun ride, definitely in your type of thriller works with gay subtexts, I know you have a knack for fucked up relationships. This one's twist came from the fact that there was no actual relationship, no toxicity, only a lot of delusion and occult thrown in for the fun of it, thus giving it its own identity. I liked it for the most part, if I can muster up any complaints, it might be that Kyle was probably a bit too shy and scared for my taste, I'd have liked to see him investigate more the turmoils that kept affecting him, gradually building up to his final confrontation with Jake. And if you added the past life aspect, maybe some visions confirming it might have also worked. But that's just me rambling on, anyway, see you next time on another review game!
| acumashindorballomu chapter 10 . 3/2/2020
This was the most intense chapter yet! I loved how Kyle and Kim both worked together and discovered the mystery of what was going on, this was definitely a highlight, seeing them do detective work, but with the supernatural!
And in a way I kind of feel sorry for Jake. Maybe there was some truth to his delusions, maybe he and Kyle were past life soulmates, or maybe he cooked it all up in his narcissistic mind. The point is, he might have spilled more blood had Kyle not acted in self defense and killed him. In a way it did feel cathartic, he did deserve it after doing all the things he had confessed to, hopefully there's a hell for his rotten little soul to burn in.
Anyway, off to the epilogue!
| acumashindorballomu chapter 9 . 3/1/2020
Oh boy, as expected, Jake's sanity is further deteriorating. Whatever power may be out there, they told both the guy on the internet and him in person via Lucifer that Kyle did not love him and he is better off gaining control of himself, but that so wasn't the case. His little trip at the Buddhist temple may have helped if he were only patient, but again, that wasn't the case. And for some reason, the members of Occupational Hazard are so drugged out of their minds that they don't seem to get the murderous vibes he keeps giving off, especially when high and at his most honest. Well, at least Laurene is trying to get to him in her own way, but she may be too superficial to actually stop him.
Hopefully he manages to find a way to calm the fuck down and stop being such an impulsive little edgelord before someone gets hurt.
| acumashindorballomu chapter 8 . 3/1/2020
Oh ya cheeky bastard, you had me in for a loop. I almost forgot that Jake's actual name was Jesse, so during the whole chat that Kyle had with him, I thought it was another guy who actually cared for him, leading Jake to grow really jealous and murder-hungry, but in fact it WAS him! xD What's sad is that if he had the right mindset, he might have actually made Kyle forget about the whole curse thing and fall in love with him, but instead he had to go full unstable psycho on his ass.
Well, at least the 2 main characters have interacted again after so many chapters, and it went about as good as you'd expect from them after the big reveal. The whole story was building up to that party, the concert and their encounter, and at the very least some lines are now drawn. Most certainly Jake will flip from being duped in such a manner, but I'll have to wait and see what else is happening.
| acumashindorballomu chapter 7 . 2/16/2020
Well, if I am sure of one thing, Jake's not so much of an actual schemer as he is a chaotic daydreamer. Why do I say this? It's because he always makes plans, he tries going through with them, like sending Lilith to murder Kyle, and he backs off in the last moment because he changes his mind. The same can be said with his wishes of getting rid of all those annoying schoolkid preps, they're just thoughts that bother his mind for a while, make him obsess over them, and then the drugs or Kyle preoccupy his mind, therefore making him forget all about it.
Really, he's a disorganized mess. While that can be attributed to his rocker lifestyle, I'm not sure he makes for a mindblowing villain. At most he'll come off like a murderous nutjob, should he grow the courage to actually follow through with any of his desires, but I kind of doubt it. Hopefully something eventful takes place at the party.
| acumashindorballomu chapter 6 . 2/12/2020
Woah, what a creepy chapter! First of all, I like Marie's character, she's a very helpful knowledgeable psychic and gives me badass vibes, hopefully she will play a bigger role later. And I can tell this is one of your stories, since the sense of danger is everywhere and I was tense during the fairly relaxing scene of the friends picking movies, watching them and then the realization that Kyle forgot his phone. As for the ouija board, that was a nice medium of confirming to Kyle once and for all that he is indeed in danger, though I find it funny that the demon now targeting him is Lilith.
Oh well, we'll have to see how things unfold in the next chapter.
| acumashindorballomu chapter 5 . 2/12/2020
Is it funny that I got all the hints in the first part of the chapter as to who Jake's victim was? It's sad that the grandfather had to be collateral damage, but from the looks of it, Jake is pretty much a monster without any pity or sympathy for others, basically the worst in any gay man: an abuser who uses you till he grows tired and moves on to the next sucker. The fact that he dabbles into black magic and uses demons for his bidding is so cool, because it makes him a real threat, while also doubling his edgelord factor.
I wonder if something will happen once they hold their concert at that preppy party. Perhaps Jake will make some kind of fucked up ritual to ruin everything merely so he could 'get back' at Kyle, who by the way did nothing wrong except existing and attending the same school. Yeah, this guy's a total pitiless creature.
| acumashindorballomu chapter 4 . 2/12/2020
Poor Kyle, whatever curse was thrown upon him only seems to be growing worse, and that sudden car accident was a confirmation. I like his growing paranoia, up until now he was a reactive character, now he can be proactive as he searches for the source of his pains. His parents also seem overbearing in a way, his mother seems to be condescending with him while she acts highly servile towards his father, while his dad's temper doesn't seem the best, given the fact that he was so quick to tackle the cause of the accident rather than his own son's safety.
Brody is also pretty interesting for a 'hetero normie', I like that you realistically explored his short moments of bi-curiosity and his amiable attitude towards Kyle. Hopefully he and Kim will be able to help him get to the bottom of this mystery.