|Reviews for Eden Virus|
| LDF chapter 1 . 3/19
I let out a cry of pain as I landed hard on the pavements. Something...I felt something break.]
You really don't need the 'crack' there. This isn't a comic book. The second sentence is fine on its own.
[Without even time to react I was immediately pinned down, unable to move as a monster pounced on top of me.]
It pounced on top of her again?
For someone who is being eaten alive by monsters, the narrator is incredibly lucid and able to hold a conversation.