|Reviews for Building friendships|
| madamasharpless24601 chapter 1 . 5/10
This was a nice feel-good story. You implemented different forms of characterization, such as describing Nick having a determined look in his eyes, and having him sigh and shrug his shoulders when Elsie announces there was no winner. You did a really good job showing the reader that Nick is the competitive one. Also loved the characterization through what models they built and what kind of materials they used. You managed to make use of descriptions, character actions, and dialogue to characterize, which is definitely a good thing because it's easy to fall into the trap of relying more heavily on one method than others, ie using too much dialogue.
There were a couple spots where I would have loved for you to elaborate more. When they first set foot on the beach, describe the beach. What does the water look like? Is the sand warm? How does being at the beach make the characters feel? There needs to be a little bit more to setting a scene than saying just "a quiet beach". And when Amy has some ideas brewing in her head, don't just cut her part off at that sentence. Give just a little bit of information to the reader as to what her ideas are. You can be more specific and still keep up the suspense.
Also, the grammar and punctuation are a little spotty throughout. If you haven't already, I would suggest enlisting a proofreader.
It was a little unclear that Amy way just a friend and not one of Elsie's kids. Maybe you could say Elsie brought her sons and their friend Amy? And why, besides the sand sculptures, would she have to choose between the two of them, as you mentioned at the end?
You said you wrote this story as a characterization exercise. Are these characters going to be part of a longer story, or is this just a standalone story you wrote for practice?
Looking forward to your next update if you do decide to update this story! :)