|Reviews for ODAW: Playing With Fire|
| Random Hero Fan chapter 5 . 9/9
I think you got the tension in this scene spot on. They work together well, even though there are still so many things unrevealed. I know what happens from this point, but I am enjoying this different perspective immensely.
One small thing! The past tense of lie (down, as in your whole body) is lay, not laid. You got this! [To make it confusing, the past tense of lay (to put something down, like a set of keys from your hand) is laid, if you were wondering.]
| Random Hero Fan chapter 4 . 9/9
I see what you slipped in there, the mention of customs overseas! Love it.
Yup, I have decided that I finally do like Sagira. And I can't WAIT to see what happens when all is revealed. LMAO
| Random Hero Fan chapter 3 . 9/9
LOL Miranda can make Cabal do anything with just a look. I love it.
Sagira is a very interesting character. I can't say I ever liked her much through her father's eyes . . . but getting into her head while she's young like this, she was definitely made for big things. I can appreciate that.
Only one nitpick today: Where you used "wrote," the word is "rote"
mechanical or habitual repetition of something to be learned.
"a poem learned by rote in childhood"
| Random Hero Fan chapter 2 . 9/9
Absolutely gorgeous writing! The personality difference between Garrrett and Sagira is striking, bold, and well done. I loved their differing POVs!
Now I need to see where this is going. LOL
| Random Hero Fan chapter 1 . 7/22
Temper-Tantrum and Book-It, oh my goodness, that lemon conversation was hilarious! X3 I definitely think you're improving at creating enjoyable periphery characters.
I noticed one thing that made me giggle: [Temperance lifted a brown in interest] ~ heehee!
This is a good opening! Nice to know that time has passed, things have changed but not really, and the hunt for Cabal is back ON. Nice work!