|Reviews for Inside The Chaos(Short Story)|
| Proponent chapter 1 . 6/22
Your story has substance and I did enjoy the twist at the end. But there are many inconsistencies throughout. I know that this is a short story that you’d like to possibly turn into a novel at some point, so you most likely left out some things you would have otherwise added had this been a full length novel.
I think the biggest issue with this piece of writing would be your tendency to go in and out of tenses. You shift from past tense and present tense a lot. I’m honestly not certain which tense you initially intended on using.
That aside, I think if you stick with this idea, you should definitely flesh out her mental world a little more. The apocalypse scenario was sort of downplayed by the fact that they couldn’t find any water, yet there was running water for a shower. I noticed a few things similar to that sprinkled throughout the story.
If you do intend on turning this into a novel, my advice would be for you to create an outline listing your key points and adding things that can fill the gaps in between key points. I’d also recommending fleshing out Gretchen’s character. Right now all we know about her is she is a crazed murderer in a mental institution with quite an imagination!
I also would like to know more about her life before she went mad. As in what lead up to her mental break besides having poorly functioning parents which in all honestly is a very typical scenario in lots of stories I’ve read from young/aspiring authors.
I could further help if you’d like! Just send me a PM if you’re interested.
I’m trying to get some editing experience for my freelance business, so if you feel compelled to reach out to me, I’d love to talk!
I hope that you don’t feel I was being harsh - that is certainly not my intention. I just want to help aspiring authors be great at their craft! :)