|Reviews for The Campaign|
| ncpete chapter 11 . 5/31
Read chapter 11. All of the paragraph formatting info is visible and takes up the first 3 lines of Every chapter. Needs to be resubmitted after edit.
| ncpete chapter 9 . 5/31
Read Chapter 9. All of the text formatting info is in the paragraphs. It needs to be fixed and resubmitted. Never dull is it. :)
| ncpete chapter 6 . 5/31
It has been an interesting read to this point. Looking forward to the rest to see where you take it. Thanks for sharing it with us.
| Guest chapter 1 . 4/19
Hi i'm Shaeril McBrown
i need help
i'm being harassed by a teacher named Lisa Ware-Krantz
she is a 49 year old pedophile
she flames me on my fanfiction account and calls my stories pigshit
she sends me death threats through emails and text messages
she rapes me and tells me to kill myself
i want to kill myself so she can't bully me anymore
please help me report her
she lives at 3662 Juniper Hills Drive, Rockwall, Texas 75032
her phone numbers are 972-771-0893 and 214-437-0250
her emails are lwarekrantz at hotmail dot com and lisa dot ware hyphen krantz at rockwallisd dot org
she works at rockwall-heath high school
they have an anonymous tip line where you can complain about her
here’s the site:
www dot rockwallisd dot com/Page/10702
i tried using it but i can't get a response
i don't know what else to do
please make her leave me alone...
| StarStruckidk chapter 1 . 12/27/2020
I mean, sure, I guess. It definitely has potential, but it's not really my thing.
I think since I also write stories, I'm definitely ALWAYS in author/editor mode. Something I would suggest is to try not to reuse words too often. It's good that you're using descriptive words, but when you use them twice in the same paragraph or even a paragraph apart, it makes them seem tired and plain. Example: "Shadow quickly disposed of the guard in a thick bush..." "Shadow quickly disposed of the body by hiding him in the thick bushes beside him." See what I mean? These two sentences are only two paragraphs apart.
Instead of using 'disposed of'' twice, you could've used the word 'stashed' in, say, the second sentence, and it still would have made sense. Or you could've used a different adjective when describing the bushes in one sentence, such as 'big'. Same with the adverb. You could've changed that to, 'hurriedly', in one of them. (You also used, 'weak point' a lot)
Also, make sure that you are using the correct phrases when you write, or else it'll sound weird.
Try to use your own writing style instead of making it similar to someone else's. If you genuinely want to continue writing like this (I am NOT saying that this particular style isn't good or anything like that, please don't take this the wrong way.) then by all means, go ahead. But if you are trying to mimic a popular writing style used by a good author (like Tolkien) then maybe try to tweak it and make it your own. It's your world and your story.
Don't take me wrong, I'm not slamming it and saying it's bad, so please don't feel bad. I just wanted to extend some friendly advice. I will favorite this so that I can keep reading without having to search it, but I still don't know if I going to like it, because like I said before, it's not really my thing (funnily enough, I don't really know what is my thing).
(Shadow makes me think of Aragorn from Lord of the Rings. Also, do I sound like I would be an older person? My actual age might surprise you.)
| Danica West chapter 2 . 12/15/2020
Your writing is amazing. I’m usually not into the fantasy genre, but when I finally stumble upon something well-written here on fp, it’s like winning the lottery. I’ll read the rest and see where it takes me..
Oh, I got some Witcher vibes, too - I don’t know if you’ll take that as a compliment, but it is :)