|Reviews for Burnt until Broken(DevilxBoy)|
| J.Kuzzey chapter 2 . 9/12
I've never read anything written in this style, so I have to say it is unique. Only feedback I have is some basic editing will polish this quickly. It's not often, but for example [He daggers those words at me now grabbing my collar tightly pulling me up from the ground into midair.] could probably use some punctuation to make it flow a little easier. This isn't the "answer" but something like [He daggers those words at me; now he's grabbing my collar tightly, pulling me up from the ground and into the air.] (into midair just sounded awkward to me, but I don't think it's incorrect, so I changed it). Also, there is no need to capitalize the first letter of colors, like you did with [Amber eyes]. Capitalization only needs to be for proper nouns and the beginning of sentences. Lastly, ["What's going on!"] should use an interrobang ["What's going on?!"] because it is a question.
Other than that, this is interesting. I think you do a good job with descriptions (just need to tinker with the punctuation), and I'm able to get a good visual with the way your write. ['must suck for him since I ain't saving his sorry ass.'] made me chuckle pretty good. I'm a sucker for action/adventure type stuff, so I'm particular about how I want action written, and you do a good job with it here. Overall, I'm interested in seeing where you take this story so I'll be back to read more.