|Reviews for An Adventure to Utopia|
| teamleothebest chapter 1 . 3/2
I think I owe you an apology.
I just read my review, and only now do I realize how passive aggressive it sounds. I hope you see this, and understand.
I think I should say, the review below this one is written very well, and is close to what I would have hoped to write.
This is no excuse however, and I am sorry for how I sounded. I don't know how I could have written something so, yet here I am.
For that, sorry.
| LDF chapter 1 . 10/12/2020
Generally, starting the story with a character going 'Hi my name is...' and listing attributes is really cliché unless done really well. In this case, not so much I'm afraid. It's just that Xia sounds like it's such a chore to bother us with their story. Like they're being forced to do it. If there was more enthusiasm, more of a purpose in doing so, then it would work.
Try not to label POVs, or in this case, which narrator is speaking. Characters should be distinct enough in the narration for the reader to tell them apart.
You really don't need to tell us what a word means in parenthesis.
The narrations are a bit confusing and hard to follow. The voices are distinct enough, but they do get a bit rambly, especially with narration two where it comes off as really flat when witnessing a horrific slaughter. The third narrator was my favorite, but only because it was the easiest to follow. It would flow much better if Romeo's perspectives were shown rather than told, like show us how he's not a normal man by the standards of his society. How is he more intelligent? How do his interests put him at odds with others?
| flowerandbone chapter 1 . 9/9/2020
Interesting start. The 2nd narrator's story feels like it clashes a lot with the other two, which feel more related, but perhaps that was your intention? I definitively wonder about where the story will go with this mysterious High Middle Extinction Event or the middle history, I like how it's been described so far.
| teamleothebest chapter 4 . 9/9/2020
Ok, here's my review:
Why is the guy always saying 'Why am I so negative?'
And he was talking to Bob, who acts like a robot.
Also, there doesn't seem to be any plot so far.