|Reviews for Mob Wars|
| JaveHarron chapter 1 . 10/15
I have to say, this classic horror opening is always fun. However, I think there's a few big things you can improve. There's very little metaphors, similes, or other creative expressions. The language mostly seems bland, at least in the first paragraphs. There's also the thematic opening.
This is supposed to be a story about mobsters battling a supernatural threat, so why does it open with farmers in the woods? Maybe smugglers, or hired guns disposing of a body, or similar activity? That way, instead of the random farmers, it helps set in motion suspicion between criminal factions after their gang mates are killed. Or at least, helps set up there's something else potentially at work.
Hope that helps!