Reviews for Requiem for an Earth Spirit
paper with words chapter 1 . 7/4/2005
wow... great story! first four chapters are brilliant, ill review again when ive read more!
Afrodude chapter 1 . 11/23/2004
your story is the best i truly betlieve that it should be fully published.i have spent 7 hour so far reading it and i'm still not finished!it is totaly awsome and i would read it again anyday
Caden Torseck chapter 1 . 2/4/2003
I have only read the first two chapters, and I do enjoy your story. Telling a story in first person is something I have yet to attempt, and you do an excellent job of it.

Some things you need to watch out for:

Tenses. The tenses of your verbs sometimes change, causing the sentence to sound awkward.

For example- Tina calls me both, depending on what her mood is, she used “Gerald” when I did something wrong. I still love her, even if she did call me by my hated first name.

To make it flow more, you should change it to- Tina calls me both, depending on what her mood is. She uses "Gerald" when I do something wrong. I still love her, even when she does call me by my hated first name.

Secondly, a new paragraph should be made when a new person speaks.

For example- “Oh,” she said, “nothing, I was, just, well, nothing’s wrong.” “Ah,” I said, “Well, I admit I don’t like to talk, but I’m awfully good at listening.” I took a seat next to her. “I also take abuse rather well, so feel free to take out any excess aggression on me.” I said, smiling, trying to lighten the mood.

Should be- “Oh,” she said, “nothing, I was, just, well, nothing’s wrong.”

“Ah,” I said, “Well, I admit I don’t like to talk, but I’m awfully good at listening.” I took a seat next to her. “I also take abuse rather well, so feel free to take out any excess aggression on me.” I said, smiling, trying to lighten the mood.

And another- “What’s going on?” Tina asked me, tightening her grip on my arm. “I wish I knew, Sugar,” I replied. The light became brighter and brighter, and a hum became audible. “Stay close to me.” I Said to Tina, she slid closer down the couch.

Should be- “What’s going on?” Tina asked me, tightening her grip on my arm.

“I wish I knew, Sugar,” I replied. The light became brighter and brighter, and a hum became audible. “Stay close to me.” I Said to Tina, she slid closer down the couch.

Thirdly, try not to use said as often. There are other greater words: whispered, muttered, sighed, blurted out, growled. And if you must use said..you can add an adjective with it: said softly, said blantently, etc.

Overall, I enjoyed the first few chapters greatly and I look forward to reading the rest when I have more time!
SaturnsFirefly to lazy to sign in chapter 1 . 12/13/2001
Very, very cool and well written. I like it ;;.