I am so moved by your poetry, you have no idea. I feel each poem personally. You have captured what it is to be lonely, what it is to live a lie, what it is to feel that you have been created less than perfect you have perfectly drawn what it is to realize you are gay. I went through so many of the emotions you described since I first realized I was gay. Your first poem hit me so hard, I remembered the feeling that I had this sin in me, this imperfection, that I wanted God to take away, so that I could be normal. But he didn't, it never goes away. I have always believed that God has had complete control over my life, that everything was spelled out, that everything that happened to me happened for a perpose. When I realized I was gay, I stopped believing this for a while, I thought that surely this wouldn't be in his plan. But for me, faith is a hard thing to shake loose. I eventually realized, though, that it was God's intension for me to be gay, and that he had formed my life up till that point so that I would realize it according to his plan. It was a very hard thing for me to come to grips with, that God should make me gay, because I'd always been taught that it was evil and that all gays would be condemned to death. I came to eventually realize, though, that that was a faulty conclusion. Not that gays weren't condemed to death by God, but it occured to me that everyone was condemned to death according to the bible, not just the gays. In fact Jesus was awfully fond of the sinners, but it was the hipocrites that he really hated. I take comfort in that fact when "Christians" start telling me that I'm headed for hell if I don't repent. The thought that there's no room in heaven for the sinners goes against everything that Jesus ever thaught. It's those who believe that they are without fault who will go to hell!

Now instead of praying that God will take away my "evil" homosexuality, I've started praying that he will give me a partner whom I can love. He has not answered my prayers yet, but I have faith that he will. My whole life I have felt utterly alone, I'm 23 mind you, and so far I have not even held hands, let alone been kissed or had sex! All through high school I longed for someone to love, yet everytime I was asked out I freaked out and refused. I didn't know at the time why I did this, of course, I only knew that dating frightened me out of my wits. And so I continued that bizzare path for many years, longing to not be alone anymore, yet not being able to go out with any of the people who asked me out. It's almost funny that I didn't realize that I was gay, I mean, frankly, it was quite obvious. But it took for me to actually go out with someone before I could realize I was gay. So the horrible dating experience occured. I wish it had never happened, but if it weren't for that experience, I would never have realized that I was gay. It was all part of Gods plan. He heard my prayers that I should be able find love, and he showed me that I was looking for love in the wrong place. And so I continue to pray for my lover to come, and I know that this is a prayer God will answer. I think I shall pray that your own pain and lonliness will go away someday as well. From what I have seen, you are a young man with a beautiful soul and a great talent, and I know that God must have a great plan for you, you and your poetry are a gift to the world and I hope that more people read it. It displays what so many people don't understand about what it is to grow up gay. We are not sick and twisted people, we are scarred souls looking for our place in the world. It will be very hard for us to find that place, though, until the world scoots over and makes room for us. But until then, the world forces us to lie, to pretend that we are other than what God has created us to be. I love that psalm where David says "I am fearfully and wonderfully made...you knit me together in my mother's womb" God didn't create you and I or anyother gay person to be any less that beautiful in his sight. God knows what we are, he knows we are gay, he knew it before we were born, but that doesn't stop him from loving us, or from saving room for us in heaven. And you know, David, who wrote that psalm, he was most likely gay as well. Have you ever read the story of David and Jonathan? This is the same David who fought Goliath and who was appointed King of Israel by God and who was an ancestor of Jesus. It's a beautiful story, Jonathan loved David more than anything and was willing to give up anything for him, including his throne and his life, which of course he did. He even performed a bonding ceremony with David, much like a marriage. Most people are too narrow minded, though, to see this story for what it is. They say that they loved eachother like brothers. I'm sorry but brothers do not love quite like that, they don't remove their clothes as a gesture of their love and they do not kiss. But even back then it was not approved of. Jonathan's father Saul was very upset about his son's love for David and told him that he inherited his "perversions" from his mother. But you know what, Saul died a miserable death, so we needn't worry about him. The point is that David is one of the great men of the bible, the same book that so many people claim is against homosexuality! But you know what, the verses that are explicitly "against homosexuality" are actually aginst sleeping with the male prostitutes from the pagan temples! It clearly states (if you read the correct translation) that it is idolatry, not a perversion! The reason it was forbiden was because it was a form of idol worship! It was exactly the same sort of sin as eating the meat that was roasted as a sacrifice to those same idols. So saying that homosexuality is wrong is right up there with saying that eating meat is wrong! Isn't the whole thing rediculous! I personally feel that the reason God made me gay is to be able to explain this to more people. There are a lot of gays in Portland where I live, and every week there are these "christian" morons who stand around on the street corners telling everyone that gays are going to hell and claiming that they personally have never sinned! THe hipocrites make me so mad! I think that it's them who are going to hell, not you or I! I just wish that more people than myself realize this. And of course, Christianity is very much looked down upon in the gay comunity in portland, which makes me very sad. I'm going to a church, though, which openly accepts gays, so that makes me very happy. The thought of all the gay youth who commit suicide yealy makes me so sad. Have you ever read "Prayers for Bobby?" I cried it was so sad. This poor boy was convinced that he was a sinner destined to go to hell because he was gay. So his family told him that he had to pray that God would take away this sin from him. Of course God never did, he was meant to be gay, so he finally commited suicede because he couldn't live with the guilt that had been instilled in him for so many years. And the thing is, that he's not the only young person to have done so. The church is basically killing off innocent children for the sake of their "salvation"! That disghusts me! I wish that I could find all of the gay youths in the world and tell them that they aren't imperfect, that they aren't sinners, that they aren't condemned. I wish I could tell them that they are God's specially chosen children. It's not easy to be gay, and I know that God knows that. But I've always believed that God gives us trials in our lives in order to make us stronger. The gay commintiy is such a strong comunity. You know, most people think that AIDS was a curse sent by God, but I don't believe that for a second. I think that it was another trial sent by God to make us stronger. And just look at the way the gays have banded together because of it! I like to think that God may even love the gays a little bit more, and that is why he gives us these trials. I know it sounds like a very odd thing to say. But in the past, the Hebrews were God's chosen people and he gave them plenty of trials. The same goes for Christians. We are in a way God's chosen people as well.

Well anyway, I can't believe that I've gone on for so long, but your poetry brought out all of these thoughts in me, and I had to write them down. Being able to inspire like that is truly a gift, I hope you never stop writing and I will pray for your pain and lonlines to go away and that God will send you someone to love.

I really liked "Fate". you bring up some interesting questions like "do you need to know/ to go with the flow"? so good. )

wow...

This is also pretty good...

That's pretty cool

very deep

Wow...that was really deep. I don't understand though...what was the word?

I like this poem...keep up the good work

It's a sad poem but I have one tip...do a SPELL CHECK!

Short and sweet, and also kind of lacking.

Don't get me wrong, i like your stlye, but when i write i go out of my way to lengthen things.

Mind you, I MIGHT be the one doing things worng.

"SCREAMS" no "screems"

Sorry. Nice poem, pretty creative.

Good, but i feel it's alcking in volume.

No offense, maybe its short for a good reason, or maybe not.

Stll, i have no right to bash your poems, itys not as iof my fic is any better...

Hi. This was a nice chapter to, althouygh i don't kneo if it was menat to be "throw the eys of a child" or "through."

Doesn't matter though, nice poem.

Hey.

This is kind fo cool, and has a pretty deep meaning. Like it!

wow, i really love your poem. i write poetry also and it is the best way to truly get out your feelings. this is great. if you haven't yet then you should think of taking a writing class.