Reviews for Trials for Kingdoms Part One: The Princess
Emma chapter 3 . 10/5/2002
Your story is great! you should try to get it published!
Saunce chapter 17 . 10/4/2002
I just read all 17 chapters, and your story kiks ass. I really love it. Please write more & post soon dammit! I love Jak. He's my favorite, too bad you're not pairing him with Amaranthe. I love the names you came up with. I was wondering what happened with Bethine, the elf. I think Rune's character is a bit under developed, that's why he doesn't really impress me. I like the way you began the story with Bethine's father's death. It's gonna make things interesting. I see a few spelling mistakes and a couple missing punctuation marks, but other than that I think the grammar is pretty good. Please continue the story. I'm dying to find out what Elian's message is & what happens with Garvin & Amaranthe.
Maiasaura chapter 17 . 10/4/2002
Maybe I'm just the odd duck, but I agree with all the people (in the story) who tell Amy that it's her duty to marry Garvin. He doesn't seem to be a bad person at all. Besides, Amy is just a child. Rune is her first "love," and she's not really old enough to know what true love is. Marriage isn't the end of life, and at least Garvin has some manners. He seems quite pleasant, and she should stop being so stubborn. "She was born to privilege, and with that comes certain obligations" or something like that. Yeah, that's just my soapbox. Anyway, there are also a few grammatical errors again, but that's to be expected. And I don't like the text being centered. I have a feeling that's not your fault, however, knowing that this site is really the devil in disguise. I don't know if there's anything you can do to fix that or not, but it is distracting.
li wei chapter 17 . 10/4/2002
Maiasaura chapter 16 . 10/3/2002
I love your story! It's complex enough to keep interest, but not so much that your readers become confused. I am also interested to see how exactly the Elven people fit into your story.

There are a few grammatical errors, but they do not seriously detract from your story. They are minor distractions. Update soon!
YoYoJo chapter 16 . 10/2/2002
Ahhhhh! I DESPISE this fanfic! It kept me up all hour of the night when I should have been studying for a test! Good stuff! I really, really, like it. Only I am a little upset, I personally like Jak best. Jak should be with Amy...JAK! So change your writing around and make it so! And dude, hurry and get back to the Elven people because I liked Bethine and Dreayne too! Keep up the excellent work!
mandy chapter 16 . 9/30/2002
make an update quick! _
LittleMaggie chapter 16 . 9/30/2002
I like it! In fact, I can see an impovement in the narration and the writing style. :-) I like it a lot... I want Amy to meet her "intended" husband soon... and I like Jak... I hope this is NOT the last of him! *smile*
LittleMaggie chapter 15 . 9/30/2002
hi! :-) as always, I'm rereading and trying to catch up with this story... I've forgotten a lot about it, but so far so good. If anything seems to confuse me or I make no sense in a review, ignore :-)

Ah! About "X-Lab". Devin is 17, he is a fairly older teen. And accidents happen a lot, but people are taken to Ward 3 frequently because these accidents occur quite often. I'm not sure at which point, but at one point the red-haired nurse says in a bored tone, " another accident." They call them accidents, but it happens often. Things go wrong with the XLabs all the time. Besides, this lab that devin is in hadn't been going on for a very long time. I know it seems confusing now, but LATER ON, like ch.19 and 20-ish, is when things are REALLY explained... it's a very complicated story :-P

I'm glad to see you're back! really glad, in fact... anyway on to next chapter.
li wei chapter 15 . 9/29/2002
write more now! please? i'm dying... well not really but... please hurry and update?
Shadows Light chapter 15 . 6/1/2002
I absolutely adore this story! Please finish it! I'll keep checking in to see when you finish it. I just stayed up til 2 in the morning to finish what you have done so far. Finish it please!
February chapter 1 . 4/14/2002
Just wanted to say how enjoyable your story is to read. :D I can't wait for the next chapter.
LittleMaggie chapter 2 . 2/21/2002
hey well I'll email the nitpicks to you but I gotta say I LIKE! very good
LittleMaggie chapter 1 . 2/18/2002
Hmm... new characters! Well, I like what's going on here. Bethine is young, right, a little kid? And Driane is much older? Since Driane was able to carry her, and I am assuming then that Bethine is a younger child. Elian is something dangerous, his identity is, right? He wants Bethine to go deliver some sort of message. Well, there is a lot of secrecy and a mysterious mood in this new chapter.

The description of the melted candle gives visions of a blackened room, with only a meager light of a flickering candle. I find this a neccessary and beautiful way to capture the tragic and yet mysterious mood of the first chapter. Excellent job.
LittleMaggie chapter 2 . 2/18/2002
interesting new beginning, I see a more centered and poised look at the story, and I really like it! I must say, it is very good. Now, for some additional comments - ch.1 seems sort of choppy and there are no paragraphs, it appears, and it all seems centered in the middle or something. I don't know if I loaded it wrong (my Internet is working messed up 2day) but maybe you should check it out. I like these new scenes.
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