|Reviews for CyberSeed|
| RandomGuest chapter 1 . 2/25/2015
Have you ever rad the book, "Partials"? I was wondering this because this story is very reminiscent of that book, I would point out the similarities, but that would instill some spoilers incaase you haven't read it.
| FrerardEnthusiastx3 chapter 1 . 10/10/2013
Hey, um, this is Brittany, from school? Wondering if this is Crystal..
| anonymous chapter 18 . 7/17/2008
I have already read your story twice, and I still think it's wonderful. I couldn't really think of anything to criticise, however I do think it will be interesting to see the more detailed version. I do think it will fill the few slight holes here and there, although I must say it really doesn't need it. If you've already posted it, could you tell me where I can find the second book? Good luck in the air force!
| James Joesten chapter 18 . 12/2/2007
CyberSeed...What to say, what to say... I suppose I'll have to give it 4 of 5.
First, the BAD. As a part-time writer (part-time meaning I only do it for fun), I know how easy it is to make little grammar mistakes, put in the wrong word, whatever. And since you mentioned that this is just a first draft, I'll just skip over that stuff.
The beginning is a little slow. This is a problem with almost all fanfiction, I've found, even the good stuff. Still, getting through the first chapters felt like a chore. I'm not sure how to fix this, since a lot of the stuff I wrote in 2002 tends to suck just as bad. But if you think of something, do it, because the opening is a weak spot.
Next, characters. I love your characters to death. Tekk especially. Which is why the lack of development feels like such a blow here. They feel like cardboard cutouts for the first half of the story.
For example, we know that Saori is a scientist with a snappy temper, and Sada is a reckless cop-in-training, but they really don't get to show off their personalities much. I can't remember a single time when Saori's temper gets the better of her other than in the first chapter. Sada seems extremely well composed through the whole thing. The Yu a calling her Sister and she doesn't even TRY to find out why. True, she don't want everyone to distrust her, but at that point, I'd start distrusting MYSELF. She just seems to say 'Hm. That's interesting.' and just keeps going. This is fine, some people might do that, but doesn't fit well with the rest of her character.
A counter to this is Ayami and Tekk. Since we really know nothing about them when the story starts, we get to define them primarily by what they do. Ayami seems timid, but caring, and her relationship with Mouse is just so adorable it makes my heart bleed. And Tekk is...Tekk. You wind up loving him and hating him at the same time, which is hard to pull off. You get a cookie.
And then loose that cookie for Takashi. Poor Takashi doesn't get enough time to even have a personality. His whole purpose seems to be to be to make the 'Cure', and other than that, he seems dry. You could write a description for him in two lines: "A nice scientist who lives in the jungle for his research. He's in a pseudo-relationship with Saori." And that's all we get on his personality. I understand he doesn't get much time, and unfortunately I can think of no way to fix it. But if you think of anything, please do.
The final problem with your characters is that, at least in the beginning, the emotions they have seem...tacked on. Saori looses the man she loved, and is justly distraught. But the next time we see her, she's acting like nothing ever happened at all. She's even got her sense of humor back. Later, when she meets Tekk, who all evidence fingers as the killer, she doesn't even seem UNCOMFORTABLE around him. She's supposed to have a short temper, and she doesn't even say a harsh word to the guy. The only time she seems like she's sorry he's dead is when he first dies, and when Tekk is relating how he died.
The Yu also get out of character toward the end. Throughout the book they present a relentless, mechanical face. With the exception of Cgwan (who scares me, by the way), they seem machinelike and efficient. Even Tekk (who seems like he ought to know) calls them machines. So why do they have a malicious streak? It doesn't seem like they get pleasure out of people's suffering like Kayoko claims, at least not up until she mentions it. They seem like humans are really just below their notice for the most part.
Final question, and then we get to the good stuff. Is it just me, or do the Yu sound a LOT like the Borg? Super strong cybernetic (at least apparently) people come, inject you in the neck with weapons on their arms, and drag you off to make you one of them. They've even both got the optics. This isn't bad, I borrow ideas from all over the place for my stuff. Still, the similarity is uncanny...
Now, the GOOD. Your plot is original, and pseudo-invasion is a very nice touch. You manage to say enough that the reader gets an idea what's going to/has happened... and then you wrench the rug out from under them.
I did see the Riddler twist coming, but it seemed so obvious, I didn't believe it. And the team up between Tekk and Ayami was surprising. I'll say this for you: your plot twists could give a Twisler a run for its money. The failure of the 'Cure' was pure genius, and I choked up when Kayoko died. Conveying that kind of emotion through text is very hard, but you pulled it off, so get yourself a whole freaking jar of cookies.
The relationship between Tekk and Sada is great (Though spoiled by your DeviantArt stuff. Tekk and Sada are going to be...Whoa). And I've already mentioned Ayami and Mouse. More of this would be a good way to flesh out characters like Saori, who really don't have much defining them other than description. I think the introduction of Tekk and Ayami in the middle is what perked up the end, since most of the established characters then had something to interact with, so they could show their personalities more.
Your antagonists shine equally well through their interactions with each other. Hino reminds me of Peter Pettigrew from Harry Potter, and Cgwan is downright sadistic. A strong story has to have strong villains, and you're off to a great start.
I think that about wraps it up. Very nice work. But now I want to read Book 2, and I can't find it. Could you please direct me to its location? I...NEED...MORE... _
Please don't take offence at any of the above. They are not meant as insults, only as suggestions and critiques. I've seen what you do to idiots who insult you. Please spare me your wrath, Great One! *cowers*
| Jessica chapter 18 . 4/2/2007
I know not if u still read your "Fan mail" on this but here goes
Ok so, I think u might be a bit phsyco, but its a thin line between madness and genius. and your writing is genius. I don't know if u have kept up with your writing but much encouragement if you have, your art as well(elfwood). Although Air Force?...sorry I had to say that, it's the whole Army pride thing. Any way I di not write to criticise, just in praise and if you do read this, Hurr! Write more. Best Wishes ~Jessica
| x-kit-x chapter 18 . 3/26/2007
Well i've just finished reading this and its had me enthralled for the last hour and a half... I loved it. I'm quite sad to notice that the next two books haven't been uploaded... are you not continuing this story?
I love the concept - its unique and intiguing and I love your writing style. It definately captivated me and I would love to read more. My only criticism is that there is no more to read...
| Drelufon chapter 1 . 5/5/2006
I like the first chapter, I don't what your to hard on your self it realy is well written. A lot better then the one I am working on, I can't wait to read more but sleep is need, class tomorrow and such. I glad I was able to find your story, thanks for dev art message.
Do you have a fanfic story? and what the author name there if you do?
| Juniper Nights chapter 9 . 2/5/2006
| A Fan chapter 1 . 12/4/2005
Wow, you are good. p Though the story doesn't make much sense in some places, I really believe you'll find a publisher I could put it down, er close the window? whatever. It's good your artwork is very good too, it expresses lots of emotion. Hope you continue!
| Fluzzle chapter 17 . 9/18/2005
First off (just like everyone else) I must praise your wonderful work on Cyber Seed and I really hope you’ll be posting the second book soon…or at least giving us a date to look forward to. _ And I’m also thinking that I’ve found the Takashi plot hole! In chapter 5 Takashi calls Saori and leaves a message that is discovered by SadaA.)In the message Takashi refers to the fire in the background when Tekk says he was already dead when the fire was started.B.)In the message Takashi says that Tekk is looking for Sada, according to Tekk, Takashi thought that he was after the injured Yu.C.)According to Tekk’s version of events, the call didn’t take place at all.D.)Neither the Yu or the Cure were mentioned in the message (less important, but still sort of inconsistent for Takashi not to reveal the cure if he thought he was going to die.)Well? Am I right! I spotted a few other little plot holes, some regarding Takashi, some not. But I imagine this is the one you were referring to. Again, great job, hope the next book is out soon, and good luck with the air force._
| Anna chapter 17 . 8/7/2005
i have just finished reading it and its dam good, keep up the good work and hurry up with book2 please.
| Alhana chapter 17 . 3/31/2005
Your story is great and I will be impaitiently waiting for the rest of your trilogy, and not to mention the continuation of Black Angel *nudge nudge wink wink* got it? Oh n btw love the art work too...thats how i found your stories. When do you plan on releasing the draft of the second book? Well good job I loved it especially your characters. Tekk is awesome even is he is a little on the crazy side *winx* and Sada looks so innocent in your llustrations but so angry and ...um...not a force to be reckoned with it amuses me..Aww n mouse n ayami should hook up it seems like you've hinted at it already. Anyways blabbed enough. Have some chocolate for the hard work you did on the story so far! *leaves a box of chocolates!* Bie-yah!
| stoplightgodess chapter 18 . 2/18/2005
Continue!Please, no more suspense!
| Beautiful-Disgrace chapter 18 . 11/14/2004
thats was was wicked! i was looking at your artwork on elfwood n i figured ur writting would be as good as ur drawing lol and damn girl that was a great story! i cant wait until the next book/part thingy! kay was cool as i cried when she passed, its so emotional! can wait until the next one comes out!
PS ur artwork is amazing! :D
| Krista chapter 18 . 10/28/2004
Can hardly wait for the next bit. Hope it comes soon, this is too good.