You know your story sounds like Basara by Yumi Tamura, is this a fanfic or what? Because although some things may have been altered I don't think that it's an original fic.

I am having a lot of trouble reading your story. It seems to me like you are going back and forth in time, with no explanation of when and why. I like the plot line, but the chapters are to confusing. Are you sure they are in the right order?

Good story!

There are a few formatting issues that I noticed; the first two deal with ease of reading, while the other may be more of a matter of taste. First, you don't always go in chronological order, skipping around instead. This *can* be followed, but it'd be nice if it was ordered in the way it happened, which I think is easier on the reader. Also, there are no visual indicators (i.e. dividers) of when the story changes scenes/location. Again, this can be inferred on the reader's part, but I feel that such a thing is the author's responsibility. The third thing is all of the separated sections; those could probably be condensed into paragraphs.

On a different note, the possessive "your" in Elizabethan English is "thy", not "ye". Just something I noticed. :)

Other than that, I definitely enjoyed reading this story, and I will be moving on to The Faceless God next.

I just wanted to note that Jihad is not a holy war. Jihad is a struggle. The only time it is used in reference to fighting is when there is a struggle to protect ones lands and family. Not exactly a war. Jihad requires Muslims to "struggle in the way of God" or "to struggle to improve one's self and/or society." Jihad is directed against Satan's inducements, aspects of one's own self, or against a visible enemy. The four major categories of jihad that are recognized are Jihad against one's self (Jihad al-Nafs), Jihad of the tongue (Jihad al-lisan), Jihad of the hand (Jihad al-yad), and Jihad of the sword (which can involve combat against non-Muslims)(Jihad as-sayf). Islamic military jurisprudence focuses on regulating the conditions and practice of Jihad as-sayf, the only form of warfare permissible under Islamic law, and thus the term Jihad is usually used in fiqh manuals in reference to military combat. Also when a person is fighting the rules to the fighting are that no plants or animals are allowed to be harmed and no innocents are allowed to come to harm.

That said I dont know if you still want to use Jihad in your story. Wiki has more about it all of which is accurate as far as I know. en./wiki/Jihad

Please don't be another person who misuses the word. I dont mean this post to be taken negatively or in any bad way I just thought that I should set you right on that bit there. It really isn't good the way the media makes Jihad out to be a holy war. Jihad is a part of everyday life for everyone weather they believe in god or not even if they dont think they are doing so. example if youre about to say something rude to a person but you dont that is a form of Jihad. If you really want something but you cant get it its a form of Jihad.

sorry I seem to blab and repeat myself alot :s but I think you get the point now heh.

I absolutely love these dream sequences. They add another element to the story that gives us a view of the alternative we wouldn't have seen otherwise. I think I may add this to my favorite stories list...:) It's clear you have also improved your grammar from the beginning of the story. Nice work.

I like your story. It is a little strange how you jump around, revealing things after the fact in detail instead of real time. Were you influenced by Frank Herbert's Dune? The "fate's end," and getting strength from the mother's line, the marriage into the head family's line, jihad, etc. are very much like it. If you haven't, you should definitely check it out-it's one of my favorite series.

i luved this story. Keep up the gorok and writing. can't waitto read the sequel.

Kool story, I really liked it. I'll be moving on to read the sequel now.

I somehow stumbled across you story about a week or so ago, and I've been taking my time to read through it because I knew that I would be disappointed when I was done, knowing that you are no longer updating. I must say the story was excellent, I was quite impressed, I am going to continue on and read the Faceless God, just because I want to know how the rest goes. Well I just wanted to praise you on a well done story, and a small part of me will continue to hope that the story will go on...because it was sure worth staying up until midnight even though I have a 7 o'clock class tomorrow, oh well. Thanks again for such a fulfilling story or should I say beginning.

_ ; Well, I can't say I didn't get a headache reading through all that for I-don't-know-how-many-hours...
But the headache's worth it! I love this story! _ Umm, let me rest for a while and I'll go read 'The Faceless God' next! _ This is so cool! You're a great writer!

Hello Ms. Fate. Not even 5 minutes ago I read the last words of "Fate's End," a story that impressed me and has me anticipating the completion of "The Faceless God." Your work was recommended to me by one of the people whom you thanked in your review. She was enthusiastic about this work, ensuring me that I would not be disappointed if I read this original fiction. I must say that your writing captures the mood and very effectively creates a setting and atmosphere I can visualize. Your characterization was wonderful, as were your descriptions of setting and emotions. I absolutely adore Yaro; I hope he figures out that Sauri loves him. I hope she loves him as he is though, and not only as he was in her dream- I think she loves him for who is. Thank you so much for that fantastic piece, I wish you luck in all of your endeavors.

So far this is REALLY good! I'm going to go read the other chapters now.

Goodness, this was certainly a worthwhile discovery during an otherwise dull evening of story-seeking. This is most definitely one of the most entertaining stories I've read in a long time, especially one that was this long! The characters were all well developed, a feat considering the vast number of them.

Hopefully life's troubles won't keep you from continuing this work of art, it's more than worth the effort. Good luck!

i have injoyed this story gratly and hope that i can read more.

the end of fate's end [no pun intended] came pretty quick but it ended with nataku. [my fave character!] yay!

once again, i applaud your imaginative and descriptive style of writing and i look forward to reading more of your work!