Reviews for Lady in Waiting
Cynthia chapter 19 . 9/16/2005
Its great and im caught up in the story. Im sorry amelia died though. I think you should make the descriptions a bit longer because on some things you are leaving us to imagine things.
Alsles chapter 24 . 8/16/2005
Ooh, I have to say that I really liked this story. I think you put an amazing amount of thought into your characters and your countries. Shall I fill out your little list of questions?

What did you like about the story?

I really liked how you put so much detail into Silverwood, particularly religion and the household setup at the castle. I have a feeling that if I were to start asking little details about every day life, you would be able to answer me right away. The same goes for your characters, or at least Elfia and Juniper.

What didn’t you like?

Do certain characters count? Haha, j/k. I don't think there was anything in particular I didn't like... At times the story seemed a little bit slow paced, but it was enjoyable nevertheless.

Which characters did you like?

Hmm... I liked Elfia, Rose, Captain Hawkeye...

Which characters didn’t you like/ felt weren’t developed enough?

Well, I thought Amelia's character could have been developed a little bit more, since most of what was said of her was that she had a rather large ego. ;)

Are there any loose ends that you didn’t feel were tied up/ unresolved questions?

Nope, I think you caught all of them. All the ones I noticed, anyways. Plus I read this all in one shot, so if I'm forgetting anything, blame it on my poor memory.

Do you think Elfia is a sympathetic enough heroine?

At times, she is. I don't think she was so much in the beginning, but it was covered up by her naivety. It's a little hard not to be sympathetic with her after all she had gone through.

I suppose all I have left to say is that, that was a wonderful story and thank you for sharing it with us.
Abigail Radle chapter 24 . 8/11/2005
What did you like about the story?

I enjoyed the plot twists immensely, and the dialog was well written. This story holds a great deal of potential, and I feel that with a bit of effort it will evolve into something spectacular.

What didn’t you like?

There was a great deal of dialog, and sometimes not much else. Since the entire story is from Elfia's point of view, I think that perhaps more time should be spent developing her character in more depth, allowing her to express her opinions, perceptions, and assumptions in more much dialog is as bad as not enough. It's not that the dialogs detract from the story - in this case they are the sole source of the story in some excerpts, and much is left to the reader to create.

Which characters did you like?

I liked the Queen, she became a rather sympathetic character.

Which characters didn’t you like/ felt weren’t developed enough?

Elfia's husband, as a functional character later in the story, could use a bit more sympathetic development perhaps. It is difficult for me to pinpoint exactly what I felt was missing from the character developments in general - I think perhaps it has a great deal more to do with the point of view that the story is written from, leaving the reader in a rather narrow frame.

Are there any loose ends that you didn’t feel were tied up/ unresolved questions?

Do you think Elfia is a sympathetic enough heroine?

I agree with a previous reviewer in their opinion that Elfia appears to at times be driven to courage and at other times seems weak and incapable. I think this could be resolved if a bit more time was spent in more detail concerning her reactions to the situations she finds herself in. Rather than simply expressing her reactions, it seems to beg the thought processes that accompany it. What exactly is going through her mind. What is she thinking? Taking the time to show the reader, instead of just telling us, will make the story flow better and make the point of view work.

It is a very good story, but at the moment the point of view hurts the plot more than setting it apart as intriguing.
Maroon chapter 24 . 7/26/2005
Wow, well I started reading this yesterday and was up till the late last night but realised I would not finish it then. So I have just finished it now.

This was an amazing story. Some fictions on here you can tell are just fictions while with this i so could have been reading this from a book!

It was well rounded and there was plenty going on as well as all the romance!

There was quite a lot of people loving each other out of their marriages but oh well I still loved it!

The ending was perfect. So yes I really enjoyed this. Though there are a few mistakes here and there. Some names are put in the wrong place buit only a few errors apart from that this was great. Im surprised you havent had more reviews!

Love Maroon
betalight chapter 1 . 7/22/2005
Hey, this story sounds interesting! I like how many details there are, it's cool. You do have a lot of run on sentences, if you feel like editing this, or whatever, but besides that, it's all good! You're really good at describing stuff.
Lady Delerith chapter 24 . 7/18/2005
I would firstly like to say that you should get this story published, i could see this becoming a best seller. And now to answer your questions.

What did you like about the story?The sadness and the heart renching moments but i'd have to say my absolutly most favourite part was when Juniper came to her room the night he confessed his love. I got such a shock and i was like, "WHOOHO" Only not aloud.

What didn’t you like?

I didn't like how the queen died, but thats just me. I also didn't like the mountain queen cause she was so manipulative AND he submitted to her without even a fight.

Which characters did you like?

Juniper because he is just my ideal man. *dreamy look on her face*,

Which characters didn’t you like/ felt weren’t developed enough?

I would say Elfia's sister because you didn't really build up her hatred towards Elfia. It was a little tension to all out abuse, maybe soemthing extra about that could be added in, i dont know.

Are there any loose ends that you didn’t feel were tied up/ unresolved questions?

Personally, i would love to see their wedding in the end, just to bring it all together and make everyone happy. Also, I think the part about Rose and Paris could be explained a bit more it just seemed a little breezed over. All of a sudden everyone knew that Paris was her lover, it didn't exactly flow.

Do you think Elfia is a sympathetic enough heroine?

YES! I was clinging onto every word of this story! I think there were some parts in the middle when she seemed a little silly in her desisions but the character was built so well and it was so well put together. And who could not help feeling towards her with her predicament, have to serve one man, love another and be defouled by yet another.

There are very little stories that i sit up and read well past midnight and very few that i get so envolved that i start thinking about how everything will everything will happen when i'm at school. I would just drift off into thought of this story replaying my most favourite parts and i will tell you that this has been a a really really really successful story.

You should really try to get this published!
Mystik Reflections chapter 25 . 7/17/2005
Raomina chapter 24 . 7/12/2005
The story started out pretty long and dreary, but it gradually became more interesting as the plot unfurls. The characters were all pretty well developed, though sometimes I think that Elfia's character was a bit unstable.

At times, she is strong and stubborn but at others, she is weepy and timid. I think that her feelings on certain situations could be more developed and written more fluently. You mostly concentrate on the action taking place and most conversations sounded really explanatory. That makes the actions of the characters quite stiff and made me feel like whatever they did, from embracing to insulting each other, they did it because that seemed like the right thing to do during situations like that, not because of the character's personality or feelings that led to it. So what I'm trying to say, is that the story could be written more realistically, so that everything flows smoothly and the reader can understand the story better.

Other than that, I think the story has a certain level of originality and creativity which make the readers want to read on. Keep revising and improving, and I'm sure the story would become even more of a success than it is now.
DarkestSecrets chapter 1 . 7/6/2005
great story!
BlaCk-SeOul-FiRE chapter 24 . 6/28/2005
What did you like about the story?i just loved everything about it!

What didn’t you like?i didnt dislike anything.

Which characters did you like?i loved of course elfia(and i love her name!), juniper was just awesome,gaius(the brother i wish i had now!),elfia's best friend(forgot her name sadly), rose,linny (who is SO cute!),and of course lil' silvia!(who couldnt love her!),and captain hawkeye!

Which characters didn’t you like/ felt weren’t developed enough?i dont thin kanyof them werent developed enough.i think they were all planned out and developed very bad guys of course i didnt like!i mean who wouldnt!but i loved how they seemed so real to me though!

Are there any loose ends that you didn’t feel were tied up/ unresolved questions? was good i believe.

Do you think Elfia is a sympathetic enough heroine?yes i would be the best heroine i know and i think she would be a great person in real life!

i LOVED your story!id say its the best i have read in all the fiction stories and fan fic stories i have read!it had never made me bored!i was up late in the night because i was so into your story!and believe me that was a bad idea!lol it kept me wanting more after every chapter!you are a very good writer and hope you the best in you future stories!id say that you will become a great writer someday!_ goodluck!
jess chapter 2 . 6/18/2005
i applaude ur talent, there is nothing that need be added.
JMDering chapter 5 . 6/10/2005
This is a GREAT story, exept for one thing...

I have owned horses for 10 years, and the gaits go like this:

English: Walk Trot Canter GallopWestern: Walk Jog Trot Lope Gallop.

The canter and the lope are the same thing X D
Araheniel chapter 25 . 6/6/2005
I found this story of yours two years ago then it stuck in my head and I HAD to find it again. Love the story and the way you tell it! Nice characters and plot!
Alanna chapter 1 . 6/5/2005
Just a small point, I haven't gone further than the first chapter yet and I don't know what happens later but...

In chapter one you have Elfia looking at a tattoo on the nape of her neck.

Just thought I'd point this out as it's almost impossible to achieve.

So hey... and anyway even though I've barely read the first chapter... It's great!

And it can only get better from here.

Rachel chapter 4 . 5/14/2005
Although your writing style has continued to be very good I am a little disappointed with the story. I understand that Elfia did not 'love' Borfa, but I don't think her mounring was entirely realistic, I mean the girl has lost her father, brother AND husband all in one day, that's pretty dramatic. I think she should ne awed my the castle, but in a less happy way. When you loose someone they are always at the back of your mind if you know what I mean, and although she has found freedom, it seems pretty callous of her too only occasional think of Borfa and her father. The mourning was only given one paragraph and I wasn't really compelled to feel sorry for her, I think you should explain her sorrow/why she's not upset more accuratelty, because unless she didn't care about her family then it's not really safisfactory, if you want to keep it as realistic as possible. Sorry that might seem very harsh, but truelly the story is very interesting and I will continue to read because you do write so beautifully. I don't know whether you rushed this chapter a bit nearer the end (I know I can do that sometimes, just wanted to get it out on fictionpress) but it didn't seem as much detailed. I've missed reveiwing on the two chapters, so I'll do that now, well neither were as well written as your first one by far, but both were stll intriguing and I still wanted to know so much more about them. Sorry this isn't a very good review, it's just I'm a little disappointed. I'll continue to read and I hope chapter 5 will be better. It's still a great read and you still should be proud of it, definately, don't be dishearted, just try to improve and if you keep doing so this story will become the master piece it is sure to be.
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