Reviews for Lady in Waiting
Rachel chapter 1 . 5/13/2005
Wow what an amazing story, I'm so shocked at the fabulous storyline and the amazing way in which it is written. It's not normal to find such a master piece on fictionpress, I think this is wellest (is that a word) written story I've read here. It's really beautiflly wordy. I must admit normally I dislike 1st person stories, particularly ones found here, but your story just drew me in and I'm so glad I decided to read. Elfs and magic can become a bit tiresome, it's good to have a good old fashioned romantic fantasy. It's just wonderful! Really this is the type of story I expect to find in a library and I just think it is wodnerful, you should be very proud of yourself. As for mistakes or critism I have nothing to give. I just hope the rest of the chapters are up to the same consistency and well perfection! Sorry for the bad spelling and bad typing but I'm very lazy! :P Wonferul story. I'll look forward to finding out what happens next!
Ti chapter 24 . 11/11/2004
I liked EVERYTHING about this story. Great twists! Favorite characters... Juniper of course! And Elfia...And I liked the Queen too.. she was kewl. All the characters were great; I felt like I knew them all... except I would've liked more background on sandpiper...and I wanted to know what became of her. And, yes, Elfia is a sympathetic enough heroine...
There are all the answers to your questions!
February Days chapter 1 . 9/19/2004
I haven't read the improved version, but I read the original and I loved it to pieces. I don't see how you can improve on such a great story, but if you say it's improved then I'll give it a whirl.
alittlepilot chapter 24 . 8/10/2004
yay! this was wonderful! XD and here's the questions answered:
What did you like about the story?
hahahaha.. everything. the happy ending. im a sucker for a happy ending.
What didn’t you like?
i wanted to know more about a bunch of people.. i feel like there should be a prequel or a sequel or something.
Which characters did you like?
Which characters didn’t you like/ felt weren’t developed enough?
okay.. i really wanted to know more about rose & paris.. i really really wish they didn't die. but i get that you had to kill her so juniper could marry elphia and all. but i wish they could've just ran away. and i wanna know more about the queen and hawkeye. but that's more prequel material i suppose. i feel like i didn't know much about the country they were fighting against. so it was hard to worry too much. esp with trent to worry about. that evil evil man. and what happened to the high priest? bet he's still creeping about. dastardly fellow.
Are there any loose ends that you didn’t feel were tied up/ unresolved questions?
elphia's best friend.. who's name escapes me.. what happened to her and her one true love. and her evil husband. more about the twins thing. were they going to change that? cause that really sucks. altho i'd have one less little sister. hm. XD and you got me all curious about religion and different gods and all. i'd love to hear more about that. but that's sequal stuff as well. oh yeah.. what happened to the dogs? i love them. bet they ate a few of the enemy.
Do you think Elfia is a sympathetic enough heroine?
heck yeah. she reminded me of me. i think i'd've cared more about her first husband if i had known him a little more.. but i really like how she grew and changed so much from that innocent girl ready to be a wife.. to a strong independant woman ready to love a king. ah.. it's beautiful.
so yea.. my longwinded replies. hehehe. but it was wonderful. im sure you love it. lol. i still haven't ever finished a story. this must be amazing for you, to have a creation you can be so proud of. yep yep. so. brilliant work.
S.A chapter 24 . 7/26/2004
I rarely review but I think this was one of those stories that merited one. First off, I stuck with the story because you obviously poured so much into it and I respected that. The beginning was clear-cut and fresh, but after that things became murky. Elfia has potential but I didn't feel sympathetic towards her. That's because she didn't have much depth, having overcome some serious moral dilemmas much too easily. I felt as though, she became too easily accustomed with the fact that she was consorting with a married man. That is only the most obvious issue though, there were a myriad of others that were skipped over and resolved too easily. I respect the plotline and I can see you are talented, but it's just that I felt their romance was flimsy and too easily arranged. Normally, I would have left all this unsaid but since I can see your earnest in wanting to improve the quality of your work, I thought I would point out a few things.
Rogue chapter 25 . 6/17/2004
I regret not reading this story as you wrote it, the suspense that way is there and it is a lot more fun to read.
What drew me into you story at first was your writing which flowed and was structured in a way that was fun to read. It have been a while since I have read a fic with such writing and it was refreshing.
I enjoyed the story especially all of the twists at the end. It seemed like I was reading this grad novel that was never ending. What joy! I liked the realism you held. For an example, everyone in the story struggled in different ways. Sandpiper is an example of this realism, when she was burned with oil and sent out to fend for herself. This is a very common act is some countries and such an event in your story showed your knowledge.
As for the characters: For some reason I did not connect with Elfia. Yes at the beginning I did like her a lot, but then as the story progressed I started to hate her. The main reason for this was because she did not love her husband, Borfa. I though he was a kind man who treated her well. He loved her and what more could a woman want. Yes he was “brutal” that one time while making love, ( which totally enraged me!) but that was one action. He never did it again. I believe the main reason she did not love him was because he did not give her the satisfaction she needed. Making love was all for him and there was nothing in it for her. Never in one of their love scene did you express her release, only his. And I wonder about this?
Juniper I don’t know what to really think of him. I guess I liked him but I hate the fact that he was unfaithful to his wife Rose. He was a good man, a good leader and a good father. Rose was kind and it was unfortunate as to what happened to her.
Trent was a character who I liked. You developed him very well. His bad guy image was played well. Sometimes when he was around in the story my heart would beat like crazy because I was scared as to what he was going to do. When he raped Elfia I wanted to scream. I know this sounds horrible, but that was the best thing a bad guy could do. :(
The character I liked also beside Borfa was Gaius. He was such a loving brother who was honorable and treated everyone as one. He is like the big brother I never had! The scene with him outside the door while Trent rapped his sister was heart wrenching.
The story line was great overall. It was twisted and kept me from pressing the back button. ;) When both Elifa and Gaius were captured I thought going to be taken to the enemies’ king and there love would blossom…wait maybe that is more like my story. It would have gone well either way.
Well I hope this review did some good and give you an insight into your writing. I enjoyed reading and for that I thank you!
PS You can e-mail me with any questions anytime!
Rogue chapter 15 . 6/15/2004
Ok so i am loving this story. I have been reading it for hours, but my ass is very tired now. Your writing is great and has much flavor. I cant wait till i read the rest!
zagato chapter 25 . 6/7/2004
this is amazing.
maskedcat chapter 1 . 5/10/2004
This is a really good story so far. Okay, I haven't read that much, but I really like it! I don't know but I think that Elfia is going to fall in love with someone else, right? Whatever,I'll just keep reading! Au revoir- maskedcat
Tk. DuVeraun chapter 25 . 4/16/2004
"I loved your story. I didn't like Borfa though. He was god in concept and I liked how he was the twin of a prince, but I think it would have fallen into the story better if it was Juniper's twin. Truth to tell, I didn't catch *any* of the hints and clues about Borfa being a prince, or Rose's indescrepencies, but I guess I wasn't paying much attention. How about... "My Heart to the Prince" it has kind of a twisted double meaning if you want to emphasize the romance, or "The Tangled Throne," that has kind of an evil twist as well if you're looking to emhasize that... (...tangled thorn...) I really enjoyed the story, glad you decided to put it on here."-Tk. DuVeraun
Undying Ghosts chapter 25 . 2/17/2004
i luved this story from the start to the end. i liked all the twists in it. it had a great plot and i cudn't wait 2 read each chapter.
anachronously chapter 25 . 2/16/2004
This was a wonderful story! .; One of the fewer happy ones I've read, even though it was quite sad to find that Juniper died.. even though it was going to happen eventually. Anyways awesome work! You're a great inspiration.
zagato chapter 2 . 10/28/2003
Great chapter! Very sensual. Have to read more.
jukeboxsabotage chapter 25 . 10/5/2003
i prefered Juniper when he was alive! *sNiFF* it was just so sad that he died and all after your whole story showed how hard ot was for the both of them to be together...or maybe wrote the epilogue until she died as well and then Juniper met her in the other world or something...i'm not a sucker for happy endings, but in my opinion, i think your story should have one, because part of the plot's already so sad...luvaLwIz, BubbLez
GinaO chapter 25 . 9/27/2003
Wonderful, just wonderful. It took me a while to finish reading but God! it was worthy. I truly enjoyed reading this story. I loved Elfia, Juniper and all those lovely characters. Trent was such a monster! but well... I hope you write more and if you ever publish this. I'm sure I'm going to buy a copy and recommend this to all my friends! Keep writing! _
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