please update soon

please update soon

"I am jerked back to reality violently by an immense pane all over my body. This must be what hell is like for there is no doubt in my mind that that is where I am, Hell. Funny just what could have only been 5 mins ago I was debating jumping, and now here I was in hell. I tried opening my eyes but they did not obey my commands. Every time I tried the pane only got worse. Pane my only friend it was the only thing that was there for me. It never turned its back on me. Pane… in a way I loved pane it was the only emotion I had left the only thing that was real to me. At lest I could fill pane… when my father got drunk the pane would be there for me. When my mother thout I was not doing what she told me to do fast enough I was soothed by pane. My only Friend Pane here with me now in full force from head to toe in a way I was more alive now then I was before I jumped. I was beginning to find breathing hard I was struggling with every breath as if I was learning how to breathe all over again. Just as I was starting to gain control of my breathing I passed out beckoning the darkness, but in a twisted way I missed my pane."

P-A-I-N, NOT P-A-N-E.

Pain: means:

acutely unpleasant physical discomfort experienced by somebody who is violently struck, injured, or ill

2.a sensation of pain in a particular part of the body

severe emotional or mental distress

Pane means:

1.a glazed section of a window or door

2.a piece of plate glass in a window or door

3.a distinct section of a surface such as a door or wall

Homophones are confusing. Be careful durring proofreading.

it's pain, not pane

Hey! I totally love this story.

I know that having everyone comment on your spelling and grammar must get rather annoying so I was wondering if you'd like me to proof-read this story for you. I volunteer in my school's library as a proof-reader and I'd like to help if I can.

*huggles Sam* I love Sam. Jessie is cool too, but Sam totally won my heart.

Hi! i liked this story alot. though i see that it's been a long while since you have updated anything... but i hope you do soon. the story has a tiny grammer problem, but it is easily over looked cause the story is kind of memorizing... at least for me it is anyways. keep up the good work. bye!- Georgie

your spelling is hideous. i'm sorry, i've no idea what your story's even about... the spelling makes it too painful to decipher. you should really consider editing this or getting a beta... i'm positive i'm not the only person who's decided to stop reading because of the spelling, and most (if not all) wouldnt be curteous enough to drop you a line about it.

AWLSOME!

i lov ethis story, you have a stile that few poses and use well, i hope you update soon, its hard to finde good vampire stories.

always

Royal Fox

This is a great story! I do have one teensy problem though, no offence but, your spelling leaves something to be desired... there are many ways of fixing that problem, you could use spell check; or if you do not have that feature, you could go to a download site and get a program that does; or you could get a BETA reader. A beta is discribed as someone who reads over the story, fixes mistakes, gives comment and tells you (nicely) exactly where you stories need improvement; usually they'll also try to give you ideas if you're stuck, and you can usually run ideas off of them to see what works... Personally I'd die without mine... But back to topic, over all this is a great story! I look forward to seeing what happens next!

~~Misty

(P.S. if you deside that you want a beta, you can email me at I'd be glad to help!)

It's a good story line, though I'm unclear on some of the finer points of the story. The main problem is your spelling. it makes it harder to understand what you're saying because I can't read it. I like the variety of characters though.

I like it. I think it is really cool. Like the teacher part was kinda messed up and well yeah.

Wow, I had no idea that this would be like an epic vampire adventure!

I'm really impressed! I really like your characters a lot, especially Sam, Jason, and Jessie.

I'll admit that I do get somewhat lost from time to time, but that's not at all unusual with me. I was rather notorious in my fiction writing class last term for having to ask the author who's story we were editing to explain to me exactly what was going on. Oddly enough, the one part where you wrote that it was posibly unclear, I found completely clear!

I really liked the interesting telepathic ablitities that Jason had, that was a very cool twist to the story. Also, the fact that Sam could use those abilities for himself becasue of Sam's love for him, that was really cool.

I think that the best chapter as a whole may have been chapter 6, I recall getting quite excited as I read that chapter.

There were so many little parts that I found to be rather cool. Like Jason's Dreams, that was a very awsome idea. And also that odd scene with Sam in Jason's closet, I really liked that scene a lot; it was really beautifully written.

There were lots of things that I wanted to know even more about, though. I wanted to know more about the different characters, like Whisper, I wanted to know more about him. And I wanted to knoe more about Vincent. I couldn' figure out what he was on about, whether he was evil or not, or why he sold Sam into slavery. I also wanted to know more about Jessie, I thought his character was the coolest. He seemed to be quite young and inexperienced, then yet again he wasn't!

I think that I'm going to have to read it over again, though, so that I can figure some of these things out for myself, cause most likely I missed stuff cause I wan't paying attention.

All around, though, I really liked this story and I'm glad you posted the rest!

One question, though. Are you going to write more about Jessie? He was the coolest! (Although, I think I may just be way too easily amused)

Oh, by the way, this is my favorit line from your story: "Jessie's Eyes dart from the floor where they where all this time to look straight in the emperor's eyes "Kill Samuel Knight and I will bring a hole new meaning to the term Darkling!" with them words Jessie Vanguard disappeared from the room. " VERY AWSOME!

Hey!

great story!

but the only problem is your spelling, it's awful!

If you have a spell check on your computer, USE IT!{please}

Pleeeeeeeeeese keep writting the Story. I think It will be really good.

LOT'S OF LOVE

JON KERVIN

P.S If you know what a Beta reader is ( It's a person that you EMAIL your story to and that person corrects the spelling and grammar)

I could be yours! If you want that is.

Anyway EMAIL me as soon as possible! PLEEEEESE!