|Reviews for Noir 1- Beginnings|
| MSTK chapter 1 . 4/20/2006
I like the concept of a world where everything is timed and synchronized. There is some potential in it, but you need to make it seem more "evil". When I read it I just glaze over it. 'Schedules, so what?' I think that to create a greater impact, you might want to use more powerful words and overall show schedules, in your world, to be oppressive. Maybe show the hero always having to comform to schedules, or something.
Also, the detective's logic process doesn't really seem all that perfect. Alot of times he jumped to conclusions that seemed to be a long shot, and didn't make sense. I was surprised could have made that conclusion without more reasoning. It wasn't that it was a very sophisticated answer...it seemed like very random answers.
Aside from that, I like your writing style, and your narration is pretty good.