Here I am again. Just keep in mind, you’re free to ignore me. My advice is simply what I would do, not what should be done. “The pale moonlight reflected off his loose golden cloak, making it look as if he was surrounded in a halo of gold” Try getting rid of the second reference to gold, it sounds repetitive. “an old, worn leather scabbard…” why not just “a worn leather scabbard?” “Alexander whirled around, his sword drawn so quick it seemed to have appeared in his hand.” Two ideas for this. You could either cut it to “Alexander whirled around, his sword appearing suddenly in his hand,” or something like that, or you could make “drawn so quick” into “drawn so quickly.” “he turned away to observed the still reflection of the moon on the goldfish pond…” Didn’t he just throw a rock into this pond? Shouldn’t it be a rippling reflection or something? “She’s Zadyakan you know, flawless brown skin, earthen eyes?” Earthen strikes me like a pretty high-falutin’ word for a servant girl. ““Yes, so what?” Seems like an odd pair of words to be stuck together: to have a very upright “yes,” followed by the lowly “so what?” “Woah…what a wonderful, wonderful name!” A little excessive here. Try cutting it to beautiful instead of wonderful, wonderful. ““Really, Markus, I did not think it would be you, of all my associates to question my judgement.” Are you missing a comma here, or is that phrasing on purpose. It works either way, but it changes the meaning too much to ignore. “Her body had been discovered, swollen, purple and dead…” Dead should be cut here: it’s an obvious adjective, and it’s only slowing down the flow of the sentence. “the consequence could be as dire as civil war…” Try making the “…” into a period. ““That would depend if you if are able to keep me cooped up in this dung-ridden place.” Just a typo. I’m really enjoying the complexity of the story here. It’s good work, you should be proud of it.

This story is amazingly good! My only complaint is that it is super short. Please add more soon because this is honestly one of the best stories I have read on this sight and I am addicted. It is getting so good, you must hurry and add another chapter.

Just a word of forewarning: I’m taking you to be a serious writer, one who would rather hear about defects and faults in your work than let them slide. That said, here goes. “Two delicate fingered hands gripped the edge of her crimson tunic as she closed her eyes in despair.” Why bring the hands into it at all? Why not, “Two sets of delicate fingers…”?
Having mentioned something about her mother’s head a moment before, this sentence, “Turning her head, Caireatha could just make out the marching footsteps…” could probably use an edit of some sort. It comes off as repetitive. This sentence, “Gasping for breath, the Kestarian princess gingerly stepped into the gilded room,” is the same way, only with Kestara. “She lay on cold hard bare earth…” too many adjectives here. Cut it down a bit. “One of the most robust nobles in Artesia seemed point to a traitor in their midst.” Just a typo. “ Caireatha’s thought was interrupted as the two beefy arms of two male slaves…” Try cutting the first “two.” “How did he, a commoner suddenly gain access to such rich clothing?” You’re missing a second comma here, I think. “The only Artesian noble who had, had more than three female slaves die,” try cutting the comma here, or making “who had” into “who’d” and cutting the comma. There you are, and good luck with your story. I’m really enjoying it.

Woah! Cool! Poor Caireatha! plz, update!

great story!
you're on my favourite stories list!
can't wait for chapter 10!

lemme just say that you HAVE TO UPDATE! dude... when you went on that super long hiatus thingy... i was like.. -_-". because i LOVE THIS STORY! i don't know whether i've reviewed before, but i've definitely read it. and i LOVE IT! DUnno why, but i love the name Artesia. It sounds real purty. :P love the names. love the characters. as you can see, i have zilch criticism... apart from the whole 'please update ASAP' and 'LONGER CHAPTERS PUHLEASE'! :D Damn, this is a wONderfully awesomely amazing story. I love it. i LOVE IT. well well well well done! :P

omgomgomg. this is the greatest story :) so awesome.. sorta confusing tho. but i hope you write more soon! can't wait:)

wow! great story.. are you chinese? i am :) luv the plot line :)

*GASPS* OMIGOD I TOTALLY LOVE THIS STORY. Okay, i've calmed down a bit. I'm serious...this is the best story i've read in a long while. Plz update soon. *begs on knees*

Hey great chapter! Very interesting...can't wait for what comes next.

How in the world could you stop here? Write more quickly!

I was blown away by your story...it's amazing. I really enjoyed your descriptive writing style, and the plot line is fantastic...
I really hope you update soon, I can't wait to keep reading...
-Arrow

Luved it as per usual, ha, i hope Alexander feels guilty, and oh no! wot's going to happen to Caireatha? please update i cant take the suspense, it's killing me..im melting...MELTING do sumthing!X

YAY! YOU UPDATED! I'm so excited! I absolutely love this story! I can't wait until you update again please update soon! I'm dieing to find out what happens!
~*~ Sun Wind Princess ~*~

o o o, good chappy... but your jumping around a litlle too quickly for my own likes... and she never had anything written in cair's point of veiw! i want her to get better and fight her ass off! yea, YOU GO GIRL!