Reviews for Dirty Apple
Wrathful Diana chapter 1 . 1/5/2004
I don't know exactly what I like but that it is almost everything.
Toki Kibbles _
pleasecometrue chapter 1 . 6/6/2003
i love this! great write!
Xaviera Xylira chapter 1 . 8/23/2002
Okay, so, what, you mentioned me in your summary and I didn't even review? God, what an ungrateful little moron I am. Alright. Reviewing.

I *love* the entire way you've paired these two (even though they could probably stand alone, I *love* how they go together!). Like I said, you're far too intelligent for me, but I really have to say that you have the most wonderful, gloriously illustrated (well, written illustrated) images I've ever seen (read...) I love the style you went with in part 2, how the poem went in and then out (because it looks cool that way...). In fact, Part II is my favorite because... it just is, okay?

Yeah. I'm going to... go... over there now... because... just... yeah...
grey spirit chapter 1 . 5/3/2002
It is really pretty. You've got that whole "Eden" thing going on too. Beautiful imagery and references; you are a miraculous poet.
Sylvi chapter 1 . 4/16/2002
Hiya Emerald. Why "Rotten Apple" for a title? Oh my bad. "Dirty Apple". Seems like a highly religious poem (those darn Christians hehe just kidding). The first person sounds psychopathic... "create my own world... one whereguns were still killers"?

Hehe anyway, interesting perspective switch, man. Er.. woman. Sounds like you had fun with this poem. (thanks for teaching me wha "anthropophobia is). Good job, you! (sorry for the random thoughts scattered all over the place. I'm in a random mood. I don't feel like transitioning my sentences).

(Note to everyone: Holy Day of Worship is April 21st). Sylvimas, if you wold like to call it that. But my friend named his birthday glenmas after him... so that's like plagiarizing)
Amaris chapter 1 . 4/12/2002
This is a good poem. Very "deep" and emotional. I dunno...you know I can't really classify that as a "poem" but I've given up on the whole scanning thing with you. I like the paragraph where you go "You were the reigning trivia...even the devil was dazzled." And then how you go off talking about the road to Hell and its good intentioned road. That part was my favorite.
Holy-chan chapter 1 . 4/5/2002
Let's all do the wave now, shall we? Heehee. It's cool. And then again, don't ask me to look for deeper meanings. I only look at the outside. They seem different until the end. Eeeehhhh. I want understanding skills. (/_) Oh, I'm jumping from one topic to another. Anyhow, regain your lives, people. ;
Squishy Tofu chapter 1 . 4/5/2002
I am very sluggish at making reviews, but I read a girl who is locked up in a world where she sees a relationship as a game that takes advantage of her emotions, inflicting pain upon her anxious mind. She's afraid of loving someone because she is blinded by the hurt she's felt from past relationships. Perhaps... she doesn't believe in love anymore? Then, I read a man who had loved this girl, and watched her suffer through her suspicions and the fear of life striking her with a bad fortune. My question is [if I didn't carefully depict it yet in the poem], why didn't this man save the girl from her nightmarish way of living? Was he able, at last, to show her the secret that was blindfolded?
Impressionist chapter 1 . 4/4/2002
again, of course, very well done. I'm not sure why, but I love the second paragraph of the first poem. it jumped out at me. it seems it's not so often when you hear someone asking for the banishment (for lack of better term) of the golden rules, and begging for guns to be kept slaughtering. The person dragging you down in the first poem is also in my life. and I'm suffocating because of it. but on to the second poem...(what, you didn't think I was gonna be stingy and only review *one*, did you? :) )

I'm not sure if I understand it yet. I think I do, but I won't dare to hope. yet...

Maybe a friend...dirtied by society, who finally gave in, or maybe was sucked in to the darkness. but I don't believe he's forever lost. keep searching, my friend. because the minute we give up, the darkness has won.

oh dear...I'm in a really wierd mood this morning. forgive my rantings.
the Queen of Jupiter chapter 1 . 4/4/2002
The concept behind the poem is powerful. Excellent as usual! Another wonderful poem from "the Death Fairy"...keep writing! :D
A.J.Peart chapter 1 . 4/3/2002
Okay, I'm going to take a risk here and attempt to write a long, examinatory review here. Let's just see how long my computer cooperates.

Part I:

Honestly, the poem could end after the first part, but then, I haven't read the second part yet; I'm working through it in steps, which could be dangerous in consideration of how my computer's been acting. Regardless, I find this to be a rather entertaining poem piece.

The first two stanzas seem of the same "topic" and therefore can be seen as the same stanza, however, as my english prof. always pressed on us, every time there's a gap, something has shifted. That first little "bit" seems much to do with regret, though not entirely evident. It's more in the wording that I see this. "Possessed," "awkward," "stuffed," "troublesome;" these words suggest a negative outlook on what the narrator is talking about. The shift that I'm talking about is in the direction of the regret, I think. The critics must have poked fun at the world and life being lived by the narrator, an existance that is already terribly hurtful to his/her heart. The concept of creating one's own world where everything was prefferable in comparison is something that I suppose everyone fantisizes about at some point or another. Also, gun's don't kill people, people kill people...with guns...but in a world where guns are left to blame, than it no longer matters who pulls the trigger. Now, if we replace "guns" with something like "words" and thought of it in terms of lies and truths, than we would have something that fit my little analysis...just to draw things together with my surgical tape and whatnot.

Again with the two stanzas as one in the following two "bits," only, this time I'd throw in the fifth stanza as a third. Here, is where "you" shows up, and where would a good poem be without a "you" to blame all our troubles on? Hehe, sorry 'bout that. I don't mean to come off mocking or something. Anyway, the narrator here seems to have almost hit rock bottom, where essentially everything in life was beating him/her down like the head of a nail under the weight of a swinging hammer. Then "you" arrives with questions about life. Here there is a character who seems to have appeared from the darkness to ask the nail's head the answer to the ultimate question of life the universe and everything...I just gotta hope it's 42. However, as the "gears turn," so to speak, "you" suddenly becomes a "trivia king" as though he/she has all the answers to every other question immaginable. The fifth stanza I tied into this "bit" because of the tie between mentioning the devil and then moving things to Hell. Unfortunately, I don't know who Dorian Gray is (you'll have to enlighten me), but it seems like the gears turn once more to reveal this "you" character as a sham, a sort of image of something we want to see as opposed to what is really behind the glass of the mirror.

Okay, on to the next "bit"...this could take a while, you might want to pull up a comfier chair and pop some popcorn. Stanza number 3 in my grouping scheme seems much like stanza number 6 in yours...in fact, they're the same! In other words, I'm leaving it as it is: just the 4 lines. (ummm, fluff...) Now, I'm going to assume that you mean a fear of people by anthropophobia, kinda like homophobic I think, though I'm not an expert in the field. All in all, it really doesn't matter too much what it means exactly, and I like your choice of word; that has a certain ring to it that adds to the connotation that is created by the stanza. The fear becomes an illness here, as I'm sure you intended. Also, you call it a "blind religion" which says to me that regardless of which belief this "you" follows, the narrator has truly become phobic to the thought of being near it. It all expands on the whole infectionus fear that has possessed him/her.

Okay, getting close now...wait, not quite! Awe crap! I think this one will take the cake on length; I think if you tried to "beat" me in length after this one, you' would probably go insane. The last two stanzas I'm going to group together again, not to make it go quicker, but because I actually think they go together. Anyway, the abandonment aspect. He/she, the narrator, has seen "you" as "you" truly appears, "pale, unearthly," which is a contrast to the smile that dazzled even the devil. However, this definitely seems to be a representation of suicide, since the narrator is severing "those persistant connections," which means to me the veins in one's wrist, neck, or wherever the "victim" chooses to do themselves in. The last "bit" is certainly about death, the immortal being that comes from the dark to take us away, never to be seen again.

So, all in all, the first part of the poem, in my reading of it at least, is the downfall of someone who couldn't manage to cope with life, even with the apparent support of someone who seems to care. It's a simple story of searching to find some kind of purpose in life and finding none, or not looking in the right places, and detatching from everything with any meaning until there isn't any meaning left. All that is left is death.

On to...

Part II:

Yes, I am insane!

HA HA! Now that I've read the second part, I can see that some, if not a whole lot, if not than all (I'm tooting my own horn again, so I'll shut up about that in a minute) of what I said above is relatively right...or, at least, everything in my interpretation seems to fall into place. Now to shut up about that.

Okay, no more grouping of stanzas I think, unless I get to the end of the first one and the next seems to flow better than it did the first time through. Anyway, here we go (buckle up, and throw another bag of popcorn in the microwave!)

I think, and I'm most likely wrong in this thought, but I think the last part is actually the narrator from the first part talking to him/herself. I suppose that's a little farfetched, but in part I he/she died and this could be the sort of thing one might find in whatever afterlife awaits us. On a technical note, I like the arrangement of the lines; the pattern is sort of tidalwavish (to make up a word).

Stanza 1: is all about innocence, where "life's ire" hasn't spoiled the childish glare of excitement on days like Christmas morning or while experiencing an ammusement park for the first time. (Your mention of Mona Lisa sadly leads my mind back to "Pilgrim" by Timothy Findley, but I'll say no more). You're beginning here what is seemingly obvious at the end of the poem, that this person the narrator is talking to, whether him/herself or not (most likely herself now), is being compaired to Eve.

Stanza 2: This stanza is sort of like tying innocence to its downfall, where the blindfold keeps the light from shining on the truth about life's secrets, or, more importantly (as mentioned later in the poem), the question of life...which I also mentioned in a bit about something earlier in the poem too. The stars are specks of light, which here cause great confusion about life, so they aren't really stars, they're questions; questions that when guessed at led to disappointment, which here is tearing down the innocence of the narrator, or whoever is being spoken to.

Stanza 3: This stanza seems to almost sum up at least the last half of part I. In part I, the narrator is creating his/her...okay, I'm just going to call the narrator a her from now on! The narrator is creating HER own world in part I, her own "parody of life" which seems to consume her. The last bit of this stanza, "and I never saw your face again" coincides with the end of part I. Disappearing after death is something that I suppose everone sort of fears; the concept of simply ending, that there's nothing there, seems daunting and terrifying at the same time. I generally don't think about it, and when I do I siply push it away by telling myself that it's a long way comming. Anyway, that's enough of a tangent for now, back to talking about the poem.

Stanza 4: Lines 1 and 2! VERY important lines, especially if this really is the narrator talking to herself! If I'm correct in that analysis, than these lines are saying that the answer that was being sought after was NOT foind in death. The moon is like a mother figure almost, just like the sun as a father figure. It being an almost cold representation in the night sky, it could even be said to represent death itself. Sadness, too, resides in the bounds of that circular mirror. Therefore, according to the narrator, the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything (no, not "What is 6 times 9?") cannot be found in death, and that the moon (death, sadness, or some kind of goddess as some religions paint her to be, I believe) keeps it for herself. The end of the poem, the very last 4 lines (took long enough to get here, eh?) continues my belief that this part is about someone talking to themself as a compairason to Eve, though it could possibly be Adam still, though I don't think it is. Sure, it could still be Adam, and if so, than Adam talking to Eve, only being done metaphorically (i.e. some guy talking to his lover). I just don't think so.

All in all, I think part II is about the loss of innocence, and even then, the whole poem is about regret. I'm not entirely sure where I'm comming from with that particular analysis, which sounds rather silly after all the above drivel, but that's all I can really say...unless...

Okay, how 'bout this, part I is about something almost concrete, using abstract language and concrete language to describe it as the downfall towards and including death. Part II is almost entirely abstract, using, once again, both concrete and abstract language to illustrate the downfall of innocence and the regret that it leaves. (If you're not sure what I'm talking about, I'll just fill you in. Please don't take offence if you do know what concrete and abstract language are. If not, think of them in terms of video. Concrete language can be filmed and abstract language cannot. Examples: "I saw you slowly pass through / To that parody of life," is abstract; "I'm still waiting / For my sojourn in Eden" is concrete.)

Then, the poem becomes about the downfall from innocence, since essetially both parts are about that, in my interpretation at least. The regret comes from realizing that the innocence has been spoiled and that life has been wasted.

I don't know, maybe I'm just pulling this all outta my arse, but it seems about right to me. I'm sorry about writing so much, I think I've spent more than an hour writting this. I wrote an essay for english on the weekend where I tore apart a poem by Derek Walcott, and I was in the mood when I attempted to review your last poem. Then my computer crashed and I was forced to do a shorter one. Even then, mid-sentance, my computer decided to choose the submit option for me, so that's why it seems cut off at the end. Surprisingly enough, my computer cooperated with me this time. However, I was more prepared as well...to be honest, and this is really pathetic, but I wrote this review in notepad first, then copied it into the review window thingy. I did that so I could save it as I went, thus not losing half the review like I did the last time.

Anyway, I'm sure you must be out of popcorn by now, your eyes are tired, and the ironic thing is that my computer just now started to screw up! I managed to get the whole thing in without a problem, but now I'm trying to finish up with problems comming out my ears. I'm going to finish this, then check my latest upload, then shut this damn thing off.

I hope you enjoyed my analysis. I'll try not to do this kind of thing again, since I have a feeling that it'll be too big to be posted. If so, I'll e-mail the rest to you...just for the fun of it. I'm sure you'd just love to read the WHOLE thing!

Okay, now to end this off as it probably should be:

!

for Part I.

!

for Part II.

and:

!

for actually bothering to read this whole ranting thing!

ttyl!
mike chapter 1 . 4/3/2002
hmmmmm... nice story, good title... umm... i think the tone should be a little more... detached.