|Reviews for Monsieur|
| interlectual blonde chapter 1 . 7/23/2002
excellent rythem and rhyming. This is great!
| grey spirit chapter 1 . 4/29/2002
Oooh! I do love those last two lines! It is so hard to wirte poetry in the bordered form of sonnet, but you did it beautifully. Lovely work.
| Sylvi chapter 1 . 4/16/2002
Aww c'mon man. Why couldn't they just fall in love? Then HAPPILY EVER AFTER. BADDABOOM. Isn't that what sonnets are about? A man and a woman.. are in love and one of them writes a SONNET for the one out of LOVE.
Hehe okay... after I've given my ideal of a happy "I love you" sonnet thing... I'll have to admit that sonnets might get BORING if they were all happy and loving and stuff. And you rhymed! That stuff is HARD to do, man. Good job cuz it's all sophisticated rhyming too... not like the "I have a cat who is fat" stuff.
Yeah... I dunno what's up with me today... I keep saying "man". Hehe alright... I'm kinda tired. I'm going off to bed. Nice metaphors as always, man. "Fiery wisps of air"... reminds me of an RPG, for some reason. Ifrit...
Kickbutt and keep writing!
| Amaris chapter 1 . 4/12/2002
Good job on your sonnet! I'm not exactly sure if it's the right format at all but I'm sure my dad will tell you. If it is the right format that's really good...cause a sonnet is hard to write with scanning and rhyming and everything. I like your description of how the person left like "fiery wispos of air...danced among the evening guests with flair..."
| A.J.Peart chapter 1 . 4/8/2002
Ah, yet another poem to wrap my will around! muahaha! Okay, maybe not, but I'll at least tell you a little about what I think...okay, more than a little, but nevertheless, I feel it's highly obvious that I'm an idiot.
Anyway, I'd have to say that I like it, the flow is almost perfect, except the "tounge-twister" of sorts at the end of the second stanza. It's one that I think I could spend a lot of time beating to death with all sorts of analytical nonesense and gobbledegook, but I figured I had done that once too many, and decided to spare you the trouble trying to read it.
However, I will go into a little bit of detail about what I think it means (what it means to me)by starting at the beginning: I do believe that the first stanza is about the effect that someone had on the narrator after ending a relationship. Something like that. Of course, that's face value.
The second stanza tears into it be expanding the concept of lies and hurtful words, as though these are the things given to the narrator by this "someone" at the time of the breakup. However, you call them "mistakes" which seems like either the narrator is in denial or this "someone" regrets the words/lies and whatnot. Something like that.
Third stanza: This is more of an accusatory stanza, whereas the first two were more like a dreamlike state where "someone" was still longed for. This stanza turns the wheel around and points a finger at him/her. It's like taking the dream of before and crushing it under a more intense denial than that which I thought linked to "mistakes." Maybe I'm just blowin' smoke out of my ears, but that's sorta how it looks to me.
The last stanza is much like an expansion of the finger pointing thing, but without pointing the finger. It's like the accusation has been made and here's the justification: that he/she came with all the wrong intentions and so there were no rewards, i.e. happiness, love, a relationship, whatnot.
All in all, I think you've got a really good poem here, it's just that one little spot that sounded off when I was reading aloud (I do that sometimes). I could be wrong about it, and everything else, but then, who really knows the difference between right and wrong? I know I don't!
I think that's enough, don't you?
| Zemmiphobic chapter 1 . 4/7/2002
much much much appluse to you- i can't write a sonnet worth a flip and this is awesome- i hate having to think of words that ryhme and it never turns out the way i want- i admire someone who can write rhyming poetry well- bravo to you i like this very much
| Mike chapter 1 . 4/6/2002
Very interesting poem...
My body prime for devilish probes and breaks. Hahahahaha. *ahem*
well, anyways... i don't feel that this is your best work. I mean, its good, but i guess sonnets were harder than you thought? or just hard.
Your poem needs a beat to it. If you look at all the good works, the word accents are all lined up, etc. like this one guys poem...
umm... i'm not sure how it goes specifically... but i think its something like
When eve had led her lord away
and cain had killed his brother
the stars and flowers, the poets say
agreed with one another
you can see the accents are...
eve, led, lord, ay
cain, killed, bro
stars, flowers, po, say
agreed, one, no
so every other word has an "accent", as well as words next to each other.
so, while most of your poem has that beat, some of it doesn't, and that kinda ruins it.
ex: by your misguided buzzard tongue's mistakes
but other than that... i liked your poem!
| Obake-ChanHotohori chapter 1 . 4/5/2002
pleeaase don't ask me for any corrections. I don't know how to read sonnets in the first place. Well, like always, I liked it, and I'm running out of things to tell you..nooooo. But I liked how it started. "Should" probably is a triggering word for liking. Amazing if you understood that.
| Squishy Tofu chapter 1 . 4/5/2002
"I do not think my heart will stay as one"-this line depicts the 'aftershocks' of our 'first loves', that fluttering that never leaves our hearts, and if that love was hard enough, the emotion stays forever like an imprint. "Came and went... left behind endless pairs of eyes"-Ghosting the exhistance that we wish was still here with us, perhaps the eyes signify that perhaps the lost 'monsieur' may still be watching us, or his memories still lingering in our hearts? Em-chan, this sonnet is really touching, although some parts are a bit uh... confusing to me Even though, you have a bit of Shakespeares' flair yourself on capturing the emotion of lost love and the whistful longings after the loss...
| Impressionist chapter 1 . 4/4/2002
wow. I'v never read a sonnet before. now I'll have to use yours to compare all others to. you've set the standard here! :) very well done. the rhyming scheme works exactly, and it actually makes sense. And hey! it's not so angsty. don't worry, I won't tell anyone. :)
anyways, very well done.
*dammit, I suck at reviews...*
| the Queen of Jupiter chapter 1 . 4/4/2002
Shakespearian sonnets usually aren't broken up like that, but that's my only nitpick. The poem as a whole was excellent! I think it's a poem written by a girl to a guy who refused to treat her like her age... Either way it seems the narrator is angry and wants to get revenge. Wonderful poem as usual. Superb for your first (completed) sonnet! :)