Reviews for Bless Me Father
Daedhira Dhna chapter 19 . 8/18/2008
may I ask why you have the same message asking after a beta 19 times? Why not just once?

P.S.: this is frustrating as the summary sounds really good but you haven't got any chapters up so I can't read the story!
Nineheart chapter 1 . 8/8/2008
Um yah. I really wanted to read this...So why are all the chapters the notice?

Please at least put the story up...
AmorphousHeart chapter 1 . 8/6/2008
Um...why are all the chapters gone? I really wanted to read this and ch 18 is showing up as all the chapters. Was this intentional?
CherryLover chapter 5 . 7/30/2008
Aww..why did you replace all your chapters with the author's notice note? I just started reading this last night, and only got to the 5th chapter. It's a really good chapter, I was so looking forward to reading the next few chapters. Anyways, I can't help you since I'm not what you're looking for, but I hope you find someone quickly to help you with your work. Good luck.
YellowFlamingo25 chapter 19 . 7/27/2008
So when I first read the summary of this I was kind of off-put, but then when I found it on so many people's favorites I decided to give it a try. And I am so glad I did because this is utterly fantastic.

I love the whole intertwining of hate and love in this fic. For both Christian and Caleb. How he embraces hate towards Christian but when it came to Caleb, even when he is a complete ass, he still holds onto his love and obsession with him. I can definitely see him being stubborn in giving up their friendship, especially after being in love with him for so long.

Christian I adore in this story - ever since he was first introduced. But I definitely relate to Drake. Awhile ago I fell in love with my best friend and even after she began to act like a jerk, I still hung around. It wasn't until someone else showed me the light that I stopped letting her walk all over me.

And, God, I relate to always being in the middle of two people fighting...

But, yes, this story is fabulous. So much so that I stayed awake all the way past sunrise to finish it.

The only concrit I have is that maybe there should be a couple cool down chapters, only so that when the big, intense things happen there can be proper build up. Like with Christian and Drake, there were only a few lines of calmness and sweetness and friendship and everything else was just insanity and anger. I like the idea of them being friends. Throughout the story I always wanted him to go to Christian to talk to about his confusing emotions over Caleb, cuz Christian seems the sort to understand and not judge.

OK, in short, I LOVE this story and am greatly anticipating the next few chapters. I really hope you're able to get this published - I sure would buy it!
BlackBlueDreams chapter 19 . 7/20/2008
This is an amazing story and the characters are wonderful. I'm really hoping to see a Christian/Drake ending though, because I think they're perfectly imperfect for each other.
Coeur Creux chapter 18 . 7/19/2008
I think I actually find the Drake/Christian relationship to be more appealing. They have so much chemistry going on, it's unbelievable. That's not to say that I really mind Drake/Caleb, it just seems as if Drake worships Caleb a bit too much for the relationship to be real. And the whole possessive Caleb scene? It doesn't go over well with me. Suffice to say, Caleb simply isn't a favorite of mine. I mean, I always find myself wondering about his feeling for Drake. It bothers me; it really does.
Frozen.by.Sloth chapter 19 . 7/16/2008
I'm not a college student, and English isn't even my first language, but we get along well. I'm probably not what you're looking for, and I have no idea if you've already found someone, but I've helped a few writers (or friends, kinda melds together after a while) to edit, encourage, help and mull over whatever needed along with characters, plot and all of that mumbo jumbo, but you've scared me off with some big talk. If you need help, I have no problem offering it, and when you go all 'is that supposed to be help' I won't be offended nor take it to heart, to each his own.

And I definitely don't recommend my stories.

All in all, I'm yours if you're desperate (

However, I'm sure you'll find what you're looking for.

Now for the actual review.

...Well, I am swept off my feet. Completely delighted. I enjoyed reading the story immensely, and I sure as hell hope it gets finished sometime relatively soon.

I harbor a slight dislike towards Caleb, but I guess it's simply the 'main character syndrome' - as I got quite attached to Drake and see he needs to let go of the insecure best friend for a while.

Christian was my definite favorite, and I hope everything turns out alright for him.

I enjoyed all the little jokes, and actually grabbed my head and stopped reading (while covering my eyes) on the 'dare' part.

Really anxiety-evoking, actually.

Almost made me hyperventilate. Always a good thing, naturally XD

Either way, I'm lovin' it.

Enjoy da life~
Faith Adeline chapter 18 . 7/15/2008
Hmm, Hmm. Story's got potential. But, it needs some serious work. For starters, it's a bit melodramatic. I mean, one thing happens, then another bad thing happens, then another, there's no break. There's no "comedic relief". And time goes by way too fast. We should see some bonding between Christian and Drake. The characters also need to be a little more rounded, they're still very one-dimensonal.

You're just pacing way too fast, and need to slow down, to think of the characters and how to make the story flow well. We didn't see a single thing happened in camp. It started, then was done. So, while there's a potentially publishable story here, it needs to be edited quite a bit.

And I hope you don't take any of that the wrong way, I'm merely trying to help.

Faith
The Cowardly Lion chapter 19 . 7/6/2008
wow this is amazing. I really hope this gets published because it is one of the best stories I've read in a long time. It made me laugh, cry, actually want to kill some of the charactors at some points. Well it was just that good. I am not sure how the beta-ing thing works but if you want to pm or something maybe I can do it. Anything to help.
xSadistxFujix chapter 18 . 7/6/2008
I LOVE this story! It is truly amazing! It took me about probably around ten hours to read all together and I LOVED it! Good luck with getting it published!
honest opinion chapter 7 . 7/1/2008
i heard you guys were thinking of getting this to the printers. to be honest i skimmed through the first 7 chapters. and based on this, i think you'll need to do A LOT of revision (possibly to the point of even re-writing whole chapters) and editing to be anywhere near a resemblance of something manuscript worthy.

for example, just glancing at the page i have open right now, the line " “I think they look fine.” Caleb’s hand was on his hip, Drake could see it in the mirror, feel it, and it was too much." Well...you get the idea.

i do see that you guys are making an effort to edit/revise, and that you probably also know what i'm talking about (that's why you're asking for help), but just know what you're heading into.

also, you might want to do something about all these frequent pauses within your chapters (of course, i've only skimmed through the first 7 chapters...so i don't know how much the writing style's changed over the years). for a piece of online fiction readers won't really care about it because the story's free and the quaility isn't expected to be of a certain standard...but on actual paper these breaks might be very distracting. so yeah, you might want to do something about that in future revisions.

anyway, good luck with your whole publishing thing. don't be disheartened by the whole process if you don't get a lot/any responses from publishers at first. many authors go through several revisions (not just one) before publishing. so eh. good luck.
KATH chapter 19 . 6/23/2008
guys... it's me.. i've just been reading through some of the old reviews and oh my god colleen (C-MAC, if you will) and I were the funniest/most ghetto middle schoolers EVER! Anyway, I would once again like to request that you let me write some of this... I swear it will be way better than chapter 12 being as I am now approximately six years older and going to college in the fall. All in favor of letting GhettoGangsterG write another chapter say "AY"! Anyway I better refresh myself on the story first... love you bitches to pieces.

Kath

formerly polo shirt

and before that GhettoGangsterG

and still awesome
Vampgurl99 chapter 18 . 6/19/2008
Wow. This is absolutely amazing. I've seen your story on other people's favorite lists when I browse (cause I love finding new stories and what better way than looking at other people's faves!) But I wasn't sure if I would like the story just from the summary, not to say your summary is bad but it definitely does not do this work justice! Plus, I'm sorry to say, but I hate when authors don't update but you're so close to the end that I just had to give this story a shot.

I still can't get over my shock over the complete complexity of BMF. It's an amazing work of fiction and I really hope that you get to publish it. It's truly top notch! Okay, done with the straight up praising right now...on to the story!

Okay so I just read your 18 chapters straight through right after a particularly hard exam and it definitely got my mind of totally bombing my huge test. :) so congrats to you? At first I thought this story would be your typical, I love my best friend but since we're guys, he would never ever reciprocate the same feeling and then bam, confessions and the main character and his best friend/crush get together and live happily ever after with a couple of bumps along the way. Nope! You pleasantly surprised me! From the first chapter all the way up to the eighteenth you kept me guessing.

I don't really have a lot of critiques to give you, if you wanted more I could go through every chapter and go at it like that but unfortunately I should be studying for my next exam or else I would definitely go through them and give you more feedback. Shucks. Exams suck big time...but anyways. At times it seems like Drake is completely obsessed with Caleb almost stalker-ish. If they weren't best friends I would be a little worried for Drake's sanity. I find it a little out of character for Caleb to openly masturbate when prodded a little bit by Reese. I feel like that's one of the only moments where your characters really surprise me, even though he is very complex, I just can't imagine Caleb masturbating in front of his two friends...I can see Caleb being overly jealous later on in the story but...yeah that would be one complaint of mine: Caleb's masturbation scene. Oh and it frustrates me how clueless Caleb is! I just want to shake him and open his eyes to Drake's feelings, it would have made things so much easier.

Also, (and everything that I say are just suggestions/my opinions on your characters so you don't need to take these thoughts and fix your character or anything as drastic as that) I wanted some kind of a bigger reaction out of Drake when Caleb practically rapes his mouth during the truth-and-dare part at Alex's house. I liked his immediate reaction (Drake suddenly wanted to cry, could feel the tears welling at the corners of his eyes. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be, not this unforgiving coldness. Nothing about this was special.) I thought it was really fitting. He had built Caleb up and when he actually got something from him (the kiss) it was nothing like he had imagined. I guess this was a catalyst but still, I wanted him to continue to be angry at Caleb but I suppose Drake's different and he locks everything inside.

I loved how you ended chapter six with Caleb's "did I do something wrong?" That's when I specifically wanted to shake him...

At the end of chapter seven I really wanted to know what Caleb was going to say when he starts to say "Did you know that Alex's cousin, Christian..." There are so many cut off sentences that I want to know the meaning behind and I think that shows how good of an author you are and how good of a story this is. It is so lifelike!

You never really explained when and how Caleb started dating Alex. When you edit the story I think that's another thing that needs a little clarification. Also, this paragraph in the next chapter, 9, "Alex had gone to great lengths to make Drake’s life hell. It seemed like she was always there, around every corner, harassing and taunting him. She liked to get up in his face, see his cheeks tint pink with a hot flush. Maybe she just liked the thrill of getting a rise out of him. Or… Maybe it was the thrill of getting a rise out of someone else. Because Caleb had been there every time. He’d been the one, arms crossed over his chest. His favorite position was the one in the corner, and he never said a thing. He hadn’t talked to Drake alone since the essay." So Caleb saw Alex taunting him and did nothing? I think this needs to be broadened into a full scene especially since Caleb is Drake's best friend and I know that if someone's gf is going off on their best friend, I wouldn't stand for it.

I also wish, and this might be wishful thinking, that you would put more Christian and Drake moments, where they're not fighting, or at least, where Drake doesn't keep saying I hate Christian. I almost wanted him to make an "I Hate Christian" shirt just so he could get it out to the world in bold black letters.

I really think that you did an amazing job with all the angst throughout the camp scenes. I hated when Drake just wanted to keep hurting Christian. I was totally rooting for Christian and Drake just to get their repressed anger out (well mostly Drake's) and then go at it like bunnies even though they're at bible camp and that would be weird-ish. I don't know when I stopped rooting for Drake to win and get with Caleb but Caleb just brushed me the wrong way once 'camp' started. Especially when he yelled that Christian was a "homo." I was frustrated with Drake's lack of out ward action and emotion, again, that might just be Drake. But I was waiting for Drake just to lose it with Caleb. I think Caleb deserved more of a beating (verbal or physical? You can choose) from Drake rather than Christian receiving both from Drake. Poor Christian and poor Drake! I just want to hug them!

I knew that Christian wouldn't be there for Drake to make up with while at the end of camp. Call it cliche but people are never where you need them to be when there's either a crisis or you need to really resolve something. I'm glad that you showed Drake crying, even though he was ashamed about it afterwards. If he didn't have some kind of break down after coming to terms with what was done and said I probably would have thought he was some kind of robot. I think that was a perfect way to end his search, his epiphany of his wrong doings. I guess not everything works out. C'est la vie.

I really really wanted things to work out when he went to talk with Christian at Alex's house. I so wanted things to be resolved but I guess I haven't learned that you don't make things easy for your characters. Drat. At first, when Christian used the "I have a boyfriend" line I thought he was just trying to save face and keep his heart intact but when his boyfriend was at the art showing, I really didn't want that to be true. :( sad face. Also, I'm beginning to really love Mackenzie. Actually I think I loved her before she took Drake to the art show and before she shared Christian's whereabouts with Drake. I'm still trying to figure out whether she called and dropped the line about going to an art show to pull Drake into coming, without him knowing (stupid reverse psychology) or if she truly didn't think things through. I'm going to go out on a limb and say the former. Such a sneaky little thing. Makes me wonder why she did it but until you write the next chapter I won't know :( and that makes me sad.

I thought when Caleb stormed into the art show and showed that Drake was his possession by full on kissing him in a crowded room was something Caleb would be known to do. It didn't surprise me when he became very possessive, although it's hard to compare the Caleb in chapter 18 and the Caleb in the beginning couple of chapters. I'm beginning to wonder if Drake really knows his best friend. Then again Drake isn't really against all of this possessive behavior that Caleb is showing and if he is, I'm not getting that kind of feeling. Hasn't Drake put two and two together? Caleb is only possessive when he even so mentions the name Christian. I wouldn't want to be with someone like that but again, Drake's built Caleb up to be some kind of god that I don't think he'll ever really resent anything that Caleb does to him. And the part in the alleyway...I just wanted Drake to scream to Caleb that he's a psycho!

Okay, rant over, but you can see how you left your readers in a very interesting position ending it with Caleb's little phsychotic bit at the end of 18.

One of the things that I really like about stories (or dislike if they're done poorly) is the characters and the depth of the characters. I find your characters to be out of this world. I want them to be real, that's how well you've written them. They keep me guessing without being too out of the ordinary. Each character may do something uncalled for, like Caleb's possessive bits, but they completely fit with the character. Its as if they all intereact independently. Nothing seems fake or scripted the way some dialogues do. It is definitely a task to completely understand what Drake is thinking and what his next move will be but this is a very sound and deep story. I don't think I've come across something like this before. Sure, I've read some really good works of fiction but this almost crosses the boundary into non-fiction. Of course, I can't imagine being Drake, Caleb, or Christian, but this isn't soap opera stuff, it could happen even if it probably won't happen to me.

I think this might be my longest review ever, and I definitely write a lot of long reviews. I just can't seem to only write, "loved the chapter, I feel bad for this character, I want this to happen, update" I don't understand how someone can just write a two lined review and expect authors to update. I love to get in depth about the chapter, what I liked, what I didn't like, how I expect the next chapter to turn out, etc. I don't know if you can see but I love to review. I love to critique. I personally find myself to be a better critic than the person behind the work. Which segways into my last little bit. (sorry if this is boring you...) It seems like you've gotten a lot of support from your reviewers so far but if you ever need another pair of eyes to looks over the remaining chapters or the already written chapters let me know. You can check out my works here on fp but I must confess, I like to edit more than writing so I cannot guarantee that my work reflects my overall attitude and experience with writing. If you send me anything I will definitely give you feed back and read over the chapter numerous times to find spelling errors, grammar mistakes, flow, clarity, and anything else you want me to look for. Again, message me on fp or e-mail me if you'd like, no pressure! Hope you find some good betas and decide to update the remaining chapters here on fp. If you decide not to update them to fp can you please let your readers know? I think they'd love to hear that you were able to get this book published or are not going to post them fp. Plus it'll let the readers know what expect next from you.

alright, all done! Phew that took forever to type out! Hope you enjoy this very very long review!

vampgurl99
IzandriaJohnson chapter 19 . 6/16/2008
Poor Drake.

Caleb was really creepy in the last chapter...
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