|Reviews for Galaxy War|
| MiroFTW chapter 18 . 6/14/2003
lol ok it took me some freaking 8 hours to finish reading this fiction but thats a completely different matter. hmm where should i start?
lol ok your summary. star wars/metroid and metal gear solid. my first thoughts were that oh cool .. mgs. i myself write a fic thats inspired by star wars and mgs so im like i have to read this. my after thought.. no offense but youve disgraced the mgs name.. the infiltration is more like james bond. sneaks in and trouble happens. i can see where the star wars come in with the beam sabers. about metroid, i never played it so i would have no clue.
ok now about the story. you have some clear solid writing skills. you have some unique ideas but i'll try and take apart each part one by one and give you my evaluation.
protagonist- nondel. im sorry, but all through the story ive been trying to match him up with the great solid snake. nondel has green hair in a ponytail? oh god that doesnt even look right but its your character. i just cant imagine that kind of hair. his personality is very.. luke-like. snake has a "shoot now, ask questions later" kind of mentality. nondel has the exact opposite. nondel in the very beginning had to infiltrate at night. snake woulda just knocked out the guy right there and go in the kiosk. nondel in a way would be luke. both are reluctant to kill. in the whole story, i would have to say that besides "desemebling" a few robots, he only killed one or two people.
antagonists- i say that the only formidable opponent that was deth. other than that, all the others were a joke. i mean a giant crab with pincers called Muffin? thats like pure comedy. other than that, you really have to specify your robots. ive never played metroid so when you mention robots, im thinking androids like c-threepio. you have your main character fights robots that need to be oiled up every so often? with the exception of mechanos, i only have one word to say to the robot encounters: pathetic. mnson (how the hell do you pronounce his name?) never dies and its a miracle he doesnt. id have to say the only good man to man battle was meldevos. the battle with deth was never finished so it may be in the second book...
plot: okay this is where things get confusing for me. simui and nondel are sent on a what? recon mission? and well simui gets herself lost and they encounter some big bad warlord and they accomplish nothing. except maybe a rescue mission. than why is it called galaxy wars? no war! i still have yet to read the second book so that will have to wait till tomorrow. so this whole story was one BIG side track. what about the recon? so much for completing the mission at hand. in some of your writing, you have him put his pistol in the holster and switch to the access card. omg this is a story not a video game. use some creative writing so it doesnt sound like you're pressing the L1 button to switch weapons. and then you have him check through each person after the battle. he sounds more like a grave robber than some snake. another flaw was when you had two crabs rowing on the river. nondel hides on under his ship, which is the only ship in miles and the only piece of land in miles. wouldnt they get a little suspicious? just wondering. you have to put yourself in the shoes of other characters at times.. last of all i have to say the random encounters with weapons pissed me off. first a rocket launcher, than a beam sabre? he just PICKS IT up? oh yeah we happen to leave beam sabres and rocket launchers all the time, especially in the face of big bosses. to me, this whole story sounded like one big video game.
in conclusion-i have to admit this is the longest review ive ever done. the major reason i spent 8 hours on this one fic. the story is straight-foward, but in my opinion, not as greatly plotted out as i imagined it to be. the fight scenes were suspenseful, but at times you lost me during all those descriptions. the dialogue was a little cliched.
"You want the truth?" Meldevos weakly snickered.
"Tell me. Now."
"You can't handle the truth-"
now now, isnt that a little copyrighted, mr. nicholson? haha cant wait to spend another eigth hours reading your next fic.
| Master Chief chapter 18 . 4/7/2003
Bad ass story... I love it. I definately see the metal gear as nondel is a lot like solid snake. Gonna start reading Galaxy War X sometime soon. The action was on point and the characters each had their own distict personalities. I couldn't help but picture Solidus when you were talking about Deth. Keep of the kick ass writing. In the meantime... i was wondering if you could check out my story entitled Alpha Squadron.
| Lyd chapter 16 . 1/28/2003
Ack! You mean person! Come on, finish it and stop tortureing us!
P.S. Great story though...
| KEEO chapter 11 . 12/11/2002
Great stuff man, it's the kind of Sci Fi that really puts our innocence in the meat grinder.