HEY! YOU! UPDATE! NOW! Please? XD And -please- explain some stuff...it's kina confusing...what's a Chosen? And what happened to Raven? Glagh...I don't know what I'm talking about...To tired...But it was nice, please update soon. XD )

Very interesting vampire story. A couple things you may want to try:
Putting your chapters together and separating them by "-" or "~" to show scene changes. Chapters are usually longer.
Stay away from he said, she said.
You have a lot of dialogue, but I'm sure the characters don't just stand still while they're talking. Start looking at people as they carry conversations. They move! Their eyes, their head, little scratches, feet movement, nervous twitches, etc. It's a thing to make your character's more realistic. D
Anyway, if you have the time check out another vampire story, Blood War Chronicles. It's a story I'm doing with Melii, author of Born of Blood, a story which you've read.
Overall, your story's really interesting. Look forward to seeing how you plan on concluding it.

Ah, what, no more! *strangles your muse* come on, work damn it! *my own muse tackles me before I hurt my hands and wont be able to type*
How did Raven come back? What's the deal with that and the freaky girl he killed? WHY why why why why *is hauled off kicking and screaming*

You. Are. EVIL!

hehehe, I hate logging in every time I want to submit a review. I'm too lazy.
*cries* You killed off Raven! Wah, how could you? meanie...
MUST FINISH READING!

hey wut up kool story itz really interesting i hope that u update it soon i hated the fact dat raven is sorta like evil but the story is still awsome i hope dat u update soon i mean ur story is really kick ass good

latez i hope dat u review it really soon itz nice sorry 4 botherin u like this latez

see ya

(growls, throws curses around her white room then huffs down, panting) It is time I come back to writing. Expect the newest chapter of Vampire Ghosts sometime. BUT-

Don't expect it to be good.

Anyway, these are really great chapters, and write more or I'll force you to spend a week with Tom. Mind you, only Tom. All four at a time would result in cardiac arrest on your part. (big ((insert adjective here)) smile)

-Azalai

You are truly evil.. killing off Raven and then leaving readers pining for the next chapter again! haha but aside from that, I think your writing is exceptionally well done and I couldn't believe I have never read this story before.. Keep up the good work! )

holy crap...i haven't reviewed in so long...and you haven't updated much! no excuse! you better get the next chapter up! btw...this is 'me' only with a different name. Anywho, great chapters, update soon!

Laterz!

Sereg'wethrin

_ Yay! You added another chapter! I can't wait for the next update. Yer stories are all so good XD

((Randomism: Did you know that the name Shada means pelican? o.O; It's a cool name, but it kinda has a funny meaning...or maybe it's just me...anyways...))

yeah! shadow's back! woohoo! whoopie! yeah- whe! anyways, i still really like this story- please continue soon.

I really like your story please write more.

this is really good. i loved reading it and can't wait for more.

Hey there! This is Neotabrina and I just read all 20 chapters you've written so far! Please write more...it's so hard to find good writers these days!

Another great chapter! Continue! o_o! I haven't been in here in a while and I checked back ;; but continue, please!