|Reviews for Stars of Destiny|
| AriaCalledAki chapter 28 . 12/2/2002
Yey! Jerwon got tall! Not to mention that Cat got a date. She's so lucky... :( Nice chapter, Al!
| Axfan2000 chapter 1 . 12/1/2002
Ah crud, sorry, my e-mail isn't working. but just ask at the end of a chapter or something if you have any questions.
| Strikepenguin5 chapter 27 . 11/18/2002
Nice to see Melena around, I'm looking forward to the oncoming story. (Remember, I want you to surprise me)
To SeraphJewel: It is safe to say that Jerwon does and does not have a chance with Melena. I imagine by the end of the story you will understand WHY I say this, but I'll leave the exact timing of it up to Al.
| conorp chapter 19 . 11/16/2002
Two chapters down, a lot more to go.
Not a lot of action, but Woolyford makes his appearance again, so I'm happy. I'll get around to the other chapters sometime. As for EROICA, I'm scared to try and catch up.
| SeraphJewel chapter 27 . 11/13/2002
OMG Al. I'm gettin' so excited about this Tournament thing. An' Jerwon gets to see his circus buddies again! Wow... this is... so... cool... (btw Jerwon wants to know if he has a chance with Melena) Just kidding. But keep all this cool stuff goin' on.
| SeraphJewel chapter 26 . 11/7/2002
I was so not expecting that! And as for the Zet and Diana chapter, all I can say is: WOW! Those two endured a lotta beating! As for your question on Stone, do whatever you want. Whichever you think will be more interesting. This is going great and I can't wait to see what you do with Jerwon and Greg and all the others.
| BobCat chapter 26 . 11/7/2002
Hey, good to see you're finally bringing Gauntlet out of the mothballs! Nicely done, though I wonder where you got the whole "Speaks only in one word sentences" bit... oh well, it is in character. Hope to see more soon!
| SeraphJewel chapter 24 . 10/31/2002
I'm gettin' excited here. Will Jerwon get to do something like this? This is just so cool...
| AriaCalledAki chapter 24 . 10/29/2002
The story is so good. I know I haven't reviewed in a while and I'm sorry. In case no one has figured this out, which I kind of doubt, this is Aria. Keep up the good work Al!
| Taa chapter 22 . 10/17/2002
WOW! Oh my goodness! That was so awesome! I love it! I CANNOT wait until part two! Are you kidding me? That's insane!
| SeraphJewel chapter 22 . 10/14/2002
Jerwon: Yay! Oh, that was fun! I hope we get to do more fun stuff!
SeraphJewel: Cool. Can't wait for more.
| Strikepenguin5 chapter 22 . 10/14/2002
hooo, boy, I cannot believe who just saved the universe...
I expectantly await the next part of the story for multiple reasons, most of them having to do with continued character development and plot.
I have one rather large problem with the first part. I will go on for some length about this, so be warned.
Superweapons aren't scary until they're used. No one had any idea what the Death Star could do until it blew up Alderaan. Ditto for the A-bomb- until we dropped it, no one had a clue what it could do to a city.
The main problem with System Golgotha is that no one knows what it is or what it's supposed to do until the very end, and we never see it used, even on a smaller scale. If a smaller prototype of the system had turned a town into mind-controlled zombies that went out to wreak havoc, then we have a reason to fear a larger one.
There's a deeper problem than this. Not only is the superweapon kind of ineffective, but an ineffective superweapon equals ineffective pushover villains. IMO, You need better villains with a better ultimate death machine (at least in the next part-you shouldn't go back and change all this). Remember, the more villainous the villains are, the more heroic the heroes are. And we don't need to be TOLD how evil the villains are, we need to see it.
Thwart the heroes several times, perhaps even killing or mangling a few of them. The villains have to get in their hits too, otherwise they're not percieved as effective.
Cause rampant death and destruction. Their henchmen don't just guard facilities, they torture prisoners and launch raids.
Are always subtle. They have auxiliary facilities, multiple hideouts, are capable of manipulating the heroes into traps, have double agents, and never, EVER let the heroes know what's going on until it's (almost) too late. They also have multiple projects, if for no other reason than to scatter the money trail away from their main one.
Only engage the heroes in direct combat at an extreme advantage- with a sizable force of grunts, a bodyguard unit of elite henchman, and perhaps a personal armored assault exoskeleton for extra protection and firepower, for example -if at all.
Always mount effective fighter and point-defense weapons on their mammoth space stations (this is a biggie).
Have at least five aces up their sleeve, prepared well in advance, for any unforseen events. At least two of these should be portable escape units, the rest should be hidden powers or remote-detonated nukes linked to the villain's vital functions (If the villain dies, so do several cities of innocent people).
Appear in separate chapters of the story so that the readers can see exactly what the heroes are about to walk into, what the villain is thinking and planning, and what evil things he does in his free time.
Email me if you need help with a better villain/superweapon.
And please, continue writing.
| Taa chapter 21 . 10/4/2002
| Blind Silence chapter 1 . 9/26/2002
Your story is going very well. I enjoy it greatly. I do not know whether or not you are still accepting characters but here's mine.
Character’s full name/alias: nickname Si (sounds like Si in Silence) full name Sinoah Miller(the si is pronounced like the si in sit)
Age: unknown looks as though she is around 19 or 20
Height and weight: 5’ 8” 130 lbs.
Hair color, if any: gold
Eye color/number, if any: Si has two eyes that change but mainly stay gold with her calm composure but turn to a light fiery green when she heals or gets extremely angry.
Basic physical description: Her hair extends to right above her hip. She has very pale skin. She wears all white tight pants and tank top with brown leather knee high boots. Si usually wears a dark cloak. She wears a cross necklace. Si is slightly muscular, one can almost tell the outline of a six-pack on her stomach. She looks like a normal human with exception of her eyes and the mark on her forehead.
Any additional outstanding features: She has a mark that she was born with on her forehead in the shape of eight-pointed star that seems to glow when she heals; it is metallic gold that almost blends into the color of her skin unless of course it begins to glow when she heals or gets angry.
Planet or country of Origin: The planet she was found on was called Amalthia.
Political affiliation: a drifter and a protector of the innocent (when the time calls for it)
Brief species biography: Si is unaware of what species she is, because she was found as a baby on a deserted planet. She has not found anyone in her travels that is like her. She is believed to be that last of her kind.
Personal background: The planet that Si was found on was covered in what we would call a rainforest biome. A human woman found her; the woman’s name was Rebecca Miller. Rebecca treated Si like her own daughter. Rebecca was a Christian and she raised Si as a Christian, Si is probably one of the last Christians. Rebecca died three years ago, leaving Si alone. Si now is traveling from planet to planet to discover who or what she is.
Strengths: Si is peaceful and will not fight unless it is necessary for her protection or some one else’s. She is very agile and strong. Si becomes quite strong when she gets angry. Si has the ability to heal and is able to control rain. She takes the “turn the other cheek” philosophy quite literally. She is very intelligent.
Weaknesses: She can be angered when pushed far enough and she can turn into a completely different person when she is angry (figuratively speaking). When she heals it takes an amount of energy out of her and she must rest after she heals (the amt. of energy taken from her depends on the size of the wound she heals).
Weapon of choice: a walking stick that she carries with her everywhere
Transportation of choice: varies
Miscellaneous: Si has told no one of her past and she is single. I would enjoy very much if you would make her a main character, but if you cannot I am sure I can find a dark hole to climb into and cry myself to sleep (sniff).
| SeraphJewel chapter 20 . 9/20/2002
thanx for emailing me. I appreciate it. Jerwon wants to say something now.
Jerwon: Whoa, Shift is the MAN! And what's with this Tania girl? I go for girls my own age! (Tania glares at him) Uh... I gotta go. (runs away)
SeraphJewel: I think Jerwon and Tania are both so cute! In my story Jerwon is 23, so that's about ten years, right?