I think that you should continue and make this a long story infact a novel.

Hmm, weird. Really good descrip of the battle, nice use of words and imagery. Last line lets it down a little. "just dead" makes it sound less monumental a thing. Try something like, "...noticed their maiden, not a mark upon her perfect skin, with a look of serenity upon her perfect face, and a perfect stillness throughout her cold body..." Play around with it, see what you think. Just a suggestion! Really interesting idea, my first thought was Helen of Troy. Is this the first chapter of a saga? Sounds like it. We need background, history, and explanations! I wanna read more! *thumbs up* Sugoi, watashi no tomodachi! Ja!

Only kidding honey bunny love of my little life, I love it so much and no i'm not being sarcastic this time but seriously, FINISH IT you dappy duck! COme on, you know you want to, just don't lose interwest in it like so many poeple do so many times, over and over with the same GOOD STORIES, please, don't do it, DON T DO IT! Carry on and be a good little chibbi, I'll give you cake and cookies, heck! I'll give e veryone cake and cookies, okay maybe not, i'm not rich y'know, moeny doesn't grom on trees, apart from in a land called umbongo, where it is very rare not to find that every other tree has money on it, did you know that? No, ta -da., learn something new every day! Well, any hoo, where was i? Oh yes, finsh the story, i've been sitting here for about three minutes now and i see no sign of a new chapter, is it in the works? Yes no, ja nein? oiu no? Come on, please, okay, down on my knees, you know you want to! Hmm, i think this must be the longest reiview i've left in w you know who gilly p has a thing for? Yay or nay? Nay? SHe not tell you? I might be getting a bike, i'm so happy, although if i breask my leg again i will not be amused! Oh well, i'd best get going beucase you are probabl;y really bored of this long reivew. PS Love you

Um Tate, hate to say it but this was quite pants, i mean you being a fellow writer of my standards i would have expected something ... more, something better, sorry, don't hurt me.

Okay what do you think that you were doing just writing one! Your drivng me crazy! Please write more! This story has snaged me!