|Reviews for The Fall of Sagamore|
| Tawny Owl chapter 1 . 6/16/2009
Firstly you are very brave posting something on here that you wrote when you were 14. My stuff from way back then makes me cringe. Secondly, I will go back and continue with Lucifer and the gang, but I’ve been curious about some of your older stuff for a while – you don’t get many people using goblin’s as leads…..
‘not my fault’ – loved that. It instantly endeared me to Christopher as well. Interestingly normal name for a goblin too, especially if he has a colleague called midnight. – Ok you’ve explained that, sorry.
I like the idea of world hopping too. It could make for a very eclectic story. There was a lot of information in this to get through, but Christopher’s sense of humour made it easier – as did some of the interesting characters. I’m especially taken with Flora who seems very no nonsense and a bit of a quiet fire brand. Vestil seems like fun as well. Very practical, but with a suspicion that makes him good at his job. I’m glad Phillip didn’t execute him.
| R.B. Mackensie chapter 2 . 11/30/2007
Goodness me, so much back story, so much information all crammed together in a cellar during a tornado! I really like how you opened this chapter with the goblin woman respecting the tree. After reading some of you "Bane I" and then this story, I am really impressed with how you begin your stories - an interesting story and an interesting situation. But then suddenly you begin to rant, leading further and further away from the newly introduced character.
What you seem to be having trouble with is placing details and development. If you haven't, I highly suggest reading the opening prelude of George R.R. Martin's "A Game of Thrones." Just the prelude should give you a good idea of what I want to suggest. Examine how he introduces his characters and where he puts their back story. It is not all at once, and each short paragraph seems to effectively lead right into the next.
That's about all I have. I love the idea that you've decided to try and tell a story about goblins, it's rare. And Leota isn't a Tolkien GoblinTM either, which is so refreshing. I'll read on.
| Heartless One chapter 5 . 4/16/2007
I like this story mostly because i like the character of Lafayette and Christopher. Personally, Christopher takes me as a character who should have his own story. Anyways, I hope to read more and I apologize for never giving you the same curtosy you extended to me.
Cant wait to hear more out of this one.
| Heartless One chapter 1 . 6/29/2006
I have only read up to chap. 3 but so far it looks amazing. Better then anything I have written. I like the senese of history you give to this story adn I look forward to reading more. I love fantasy and I will make a note to read some more of you other stories.
Thanks for the generous comments on my story. I haven't really decided on a title for my main novel yet, perhaps you could help me. I had originally called it The Knight, The Elf, adn The Orc, but that doesn't sound very good. What do you think?
The Old One's Tales is merely what I am plannign on callign the collection of stories and novels on the world I created. There are other stories featuring other characters that I have begun but have yet to finish. I will probably post them once I get some of them typed out.
I hope you have enjoyed the first chapters of the first of the Old One's Tales.
| Islandbreeze chapter 10 . 1/6/2006
There was a lot of dialogue but I didn't see that there was too much of it. It flowed, and it didn't take away from the action or anything else, it was interspersed well.
The distrust and anger between the goblin, gwam, shadow, etc. was good, adds the same flavor of other chapters continuing in the same vein.
The description at the last part of the chapter was nicely done. He he, Kreggs. "Her?” Tallon and Sagamore asked together."- talonGood job.
| Islandbreeze chapter 9 . 1/6/2006
The goblins are tres funny. I like their snappy little comments about death and torture. Really brightens the day, ya know?
"How else would he survive so long"- needs question mark "Why else do you think that he has survived. "- same
Ah, half blood, interesting info there. I like the ending of this chapter, it moved along...not much else to say, reading on.
| Islandbreeze chapter 8 . 12/31/2005
I think this is the best written chapter of this I've read so far, the beginning was very powerful and the prose was really smooth. The part about the Hatred was nice. Plagnet is interesting, and now I've found out more about gwams. Talon and his conversation at the end was interesting, to see how the races viewed each other, and Plagnet seems older than Talon, or mature, something. Great chapter.
| Islandbreeze chapter 7 . 12/31/2005
Ah, hearing from the other side...well, interesting chapter, and even Talon seems developed. I'm not exactly sure what a gwam is though, so maybe you could clarify that with a description or something. Trolls and goblins and unpleasant deaths, oh my! The conversations in this chapter were amusing too, but I would like to hear more of Sagamore, so I'll keep reading.
| Islandbreeze chapter 6 . 12/31/2005
Funny chapter. I like all the characters for their comments right now, especially Lafayette and Christopher. There wasn't very much discription in this chapter, and that might help break up the dialogue, since mainly, that's what was moving this chapter, and it would help, at least me, get a better picture physically of the place and what manners the characters have. Should be interesting to see what Lafayette and company will do first about "killing" Sagamore. Nice job.
| Islandbreeze chapter 5 . 11/14/2005
A little fighting, a little thwarted flirtation, a bit of explanation...I like this chapter, I don't know why you don't. Maybe it could have started with a bit more bang, but as a whole it continued moving the plot, and once again, I got some laughs from Mr. Lafayette. Maybe the ending could use a little work, just to finish it off with more suspense or more excitement, but I liked the chapter. Anyway, good job with this story so far, and I'll read more soon, as soon as english essays no longer call.
| Islandbreeze chapter 4 . 11/14/2005
Lafayette cracks me up...his comments, and I don't know, just the image that I get about him... maybe I'm just a little weird, but I get the giggles when he talks. I think this was a good chapter to keep building on what you already have, and then the characters still seem fleshed and they each have a feeling to them. Uh oh, dual time! Suspense comes in, and I think I should go and read the next chapter.
| Islandbreeze chapter 3 . 11/14/2005
I really like the plot of this so far, and the characters. I can just picture him saying 'she's in love' with that tone younger brothers use mocking "mushy stuff". Aurora does seem sharp, and the conversation went smoothly in writing.
There are some choppy places because of grammer, but if you're editing this, then they seem like typos in a lot of spots, or just careless misses. I like the names you're using, everyone looks to have a distinct personality that's developing, and probably will come out more in the next chapters.
| Islandbreeze chapter 2 . 11/2/2005
Hm, interesting history for Leota, I like the idea of her sensitivity making her necessary...and the very first bit of description of her blending into the woods was nice.
Uh oh, fugitive...he seems interesting too. What did he do? Nice dialogue. And intriguing explanations for what's going on in this world... Phillip is known around, hm? Well, good chapter-liking the characters so far.
| Islandbreeze chapter 1 . 11/2/2005
I like the first person here, and the style of this. With the little comments added in, it's great...beneathe their prisiness :)... It sounds like the beginning to a interesting plot, lots of things running through here. The only thing I have complaint with is that there aren't any spaces! Very hard to read...but otherwise, nice job.
| B.C. Sabre chapter 2 . 8/9/2005
I like this Lafayette character, even if he does talk too much. So there are a french branch of goblins? I recognize Aurora from An Irony of Fate, but I don't remember hearing about a sister. that's interesting...