Reviews for Dark as Night
Genato chapter 11 . 10/29/2007
i want to kill gwen. this is really good. hope youmanage the editing soon though.
Michelle Habibi chapter 12 . 11/30/2006
wow, i really like this story but where are the rest of the chapters? the last few are just author notes...dont tell me you quit writing this story! just when gwen was about to betray them, too. i noticed that you last updated 2 years ago. is that true? because if it is, then it's about time you update, no? oh well, im waiting for the next chapters in case you decided to stop torturing us and give us the rest of the story. bye UNTIL THEN!

-Michelle Habibi
anon chapter 8 . 8/20/2005
PLEASE UPDATE! :D
sam chapter 8 . 7/30/2005
hey I loved u'r story and I can't wait 2 read the next chp.

I'd like 2 ask how do u pronounce the elf's name?
Scented Candles chapter 1 . 3/12/2005
Hey there! I'm Scented Candles from , you know where you reviewed my story? Anyway...i just checked out this story of yours and i am so intigues can't wait to read more! Soulless sounds cute, i am such a weirdo i always like the semi-bad guys. Developing their character is hard and takes some work and i like that! Okay, off to read more...awesome job by the way!
Welcome To My World chapter 10 . 12/5/2004
Took me a while to find a chapter I hadn't reviewed yet. Reviewing to 1) let you know that I'm still VERY interested in your writtings and 2) say job well done! I think your style is great. I like the characterizations a lot. A good story's all about the characters, if ya ask me, which I know no one did... Well, anyway, me likey. Can't wait to see how you do Josh...if you ever do.
sc333 chapter 7 . 12/2/2004
Wow, not only that you updated, you even gave Dîn-êl his first appearance! Could I get any happier? Only if you don't let me wait so long for the next update again. ;) Well, what can I say about that chapter? As you probably guessed already I liked it a lot. I think even your style has gotten better but I can't put my finger on why that is exactely. About Dîn-êl: you wrote him just like I imagined him. Congratulations! Keep up the excellent work!
RuathaWehrling chapter 4 . 7/23/2004
Hi! It's been a while since I've read this. Sorry about that! It got lost under all the other stories I've read more recently.
Hm... Looks like you're not updating it anymore, either. Do me a favor, then, would you? If you're still interested in getting reviews on this, send me an email or review something of mine to let me know you're paying attention to fictionpress. Thanks!
On to the story!
1.) "she could have happily picked up a bigger stick than the one she was holding and knock Gwen's head off." - "knocked"
2.) I think I'd want to kill Gwen, too!
3.) "Linden put the bread in her mouth and turned away" - whose mouth? Linden's or Gwen's? Clarify!
4.) "Soulless was suddenly alone at his desk again, not about to be kissed" - Where'd the girl go?
5.) "They relied on Linden's own knowledge of the area, as she had been this way once or twice in her childhood and knew the general direction, but mostly it was Kamaria's scouting skills that eventually led them out of the woods – she turned into a hawk, one of her few choices as far as transforming was concerned, and had found the way – Kamaria had been, as usual, careful to change out of Gwen's line of sight, as Gwen shared much the same prejudice against magic that the rest of the area held, even if it was in smaller doses. " - This is a bit long, don't you think? Please break it into several sentences.
6.) "If Liah could allot a minimum of cunning to the girl," - Sounds really awkward.
7.) Also, didn't you say that they'd found their fire? So shouldn't Liah know Linden went into the woods?
8.) "They had the bargain hunt obsessively" - Delete "the".
9.) "It's that a little over the top?" - Do you mean "is that"?
10.) I'm kind of surprised that the adults would beat up a random kid they'd never seen before... And if they HAD seen Link before, they'd have known that Linden wasn't his mom.
Excellent, once again! It's always a pleasure to read such a well-written story. Thanks much!
Ruatha
Keeper of the Forest chapter 1 . 6/23/2004
update already I'm dying to know what happens next. get rid of your temporary notices and put the damn story up!
hummer chapter 12 . 5/8/2004
Why're you so cruel? why? Why? WHY! haha jk... but dude, seroiusly.. you better be done soon, or you'll find yourself being the object of attention at an angry mob-which may or may not include moi. Mwaahahhahahahahhahahahahaha... Err.. so anyway! Hope you get done soon! Oh... and how olds Link anyways?
RuathaWehrling chapter 3 . 4/14/2004
Yo. You should be used to me by now, so...
1.) You'd think Kamaria would be too shocked to be upset that she's dragging around a girl she doesn't like. I mean, I know I would be. My first thought when I saw someone I knew would be, "Thank God, everyone else isn't dead." Would it be possible to tone down her hatred until things have settled a bit?
2.) "portentous" - Yes! Nice word! Kudos for good vocabulary!
3.) "While babysitting an unconscious, pretentious little snot, Linden didn’t seem in the mood to be argued with." - You make it sound like LINDEN is doing the babysitting. Rephrase, please.
4.) I wouldn't trust the old lady! :) But, maybe I'm just a cynic!
5.) "If the boy has been fighting on his own side..." - That's "had been fighting", I believe.
Interesting, about the necklace. And I'm very intested to see how Soulless knows Linden's mother. I'm leaving now, but I'll get back to your story soon! Thanks!
RuathaWehrling chapter 2 . 4/14/2004
*growl* My computer code crashed. Thus I am reading another chapter while it runs AGAIN. At least THIS is enjoyable!
Oh. By the way, if you don't like the way I write tons and tons of comments, just email me and let me know.
1.) "escape routs" - Typo! "Routes"
2.) By the way, I was VERY surprised that it was GAVIN that responded to the attacker, not his father, the Lord... I would have expected the Lord to say something. He seemed fairly competent, from his discussion with Linden earlier.
3.) And why didn't Gavin just kill the creep? Oh wait... because that would be the end of the story. But you might want to give a more practical reason, too.
Very nice chapter, again. Take care!
RuathaWehrling chapter 1 . 4/14/2004
Hey there! A few comments for you, as I read. They're in chronological-ish order.
1.) "Linden found herself wishing more often than not that she had been born a boy, or just have been born Gavin" - This sounds awkward, though I know what you mean to say. You might want to clean it up a little, though.
2.) "Until her brother could be arsed into having a blacksmith make her a blade of her own..." - ARSED? You made that word up!
3.) By the way, I like how Linden and Gavin get along. You did a nice job with that.
4.) "...the one-way hallway..." - Last I checked, action in hallways goes both ways. How about "the lone hallway" instead, which is what I think you mean?
5.) Who's older, Linden or Gavin? Initially, I thought Gavin was (by about the 6 years you mention), but when you descibe their dead mothers, it seems that Gavin's mom died more recently (and hence he's younger). You probably want to make this more clear, because it very much changes the reader's view of their relationship.
6.) "She acted far too much like a boy his daughter did..." - Comma before "his daughter", please.
7.) You did a nice job making Lord Cherrywood seem like the annoying and very official lord-father without turning him into a monster. Kuddos on making Linden realize this as well. It's all very realistic.
8.) "She had yet to betray any of Linden’s secrets, and she placed full confidence in the girl." - The first "she" implies "Kamaria", but the second must mean "Linden". You'd better clarify this, and delete a "she", so your readers don't have to blink and read it a second time to understand.
9.) "She was a half-elf..." YEA! YEA! Elves! Me loves elveses! *ahem* Ok, better now...
10.) "Linden didn’t believe that magic was the product of evil..." First off, this is nice to know. Secondly, you'd better make it it's own sentence, since it really stands out from the little snippet before it.
11.) HAHA! I love how Gavin ignores the other Lord and just starts chowing down! Such a boy!
You've got a really nice writing style and wonderful grammar, both of which are hard to come by on fictionpress sometimes. I'll keep reading, but it might be somewhat sporatic. I AM at work right now, after all, and I've got to get SOMETHING done, I suppose! :)
Thanks for the story!
Ruatha
sc333 chapter 6 . 4/5/2004
I thought now that I'm back from skiing I'm gonna drop you a few lines! _
I really like the rewrite so far. I somehow get the feeling that those chapters are a bit more planed out and that's a really good thing. A rather entertaining chapter as always but the time until you update is probably going to be a hard time again! So hurry up! ;)
violet-eyez chapter 12 . 3/15/2004
well try harder, cuz i wanna read the rest of this story
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