|Reviews for Little Girl|
| Xiaou Nem chapter 1 . 1/26/2005
Yes, I liked job.I especially liked it that the first line is so striking, stripped of words: "Little girl laying down".It could be improved; e.g. shorten, shorten, shorten, with even less description and explanation. Like this:
Little girl lying downheartbeat pounding in her earsthe precious air which she holds so dearslips away through tender lipsblack, blue, purplea body wih scarsbeaten, not hugged, so closefootsteps and he returnsbelt in one hand, tall and proud(he returns to continue his evil work)mouth filled with bloodand he continues to beatlittle girl crying the last words he'll ever hearwords from tainted red lips"Father..."
Do you see what I mean? I like what you've written, but it's not a striking, surprising image. (Not that my 'stripped version' is the best ever either... just to give you an idea of what it is I am looking for)
| Celestial Fire chapter 1 . 12/11/2002
that's so sad
I hate to think that's someone's reality
But it makes me realize how fortunate I am _
I love depressing poems
they give me a rush
| Skittles1 chapter 1 . 10/6/2002
That's so sadd *sniffles* Very well written. I love your poetry.
| little devil chapter 1 . 8/2/2002
hm father... *teary eyes* god that's sad! the beaten and the last word I LOVED IT