|Reviews for The Heart Lives|
| Getuie chapter 5 . 8/14/2004
*chuckles* what a blunder! Your ending it there? *pouts*
| Getuie chapter 4 . 8/14/2004
The chapter is good on its own...I just found it didn't merge all that right with the end of the previous one... It just didn't fit. What leaves me curious is the letter. A simple wax mark makes me question the source... a seal with an emblem was considered to be valid and real... How can he accept this one to be so? curiouser and curiouser
| Getuie chapter 2 . 8/14/2004
A little young to lead isn't he? Oh wait... thinking of the wrong age... but still... anyway, good chapter... definitely a sepraration. were you to return to this piece, expansion would've been nice. I know it's not much to do with the story, but yeah... what do the girls say when they suddenly wield their swords at each other? Are there some free spirits enjoying it or do all just feel it a duty? dialogue... more to admostphere, y'know? It's almost like a skeletal form now... it's good... but that shows how much more it could be with some meat on its bones
| Getuie chapter 1 . 8/14/2004
I know you're probably not going to expand on this, but I'm going to read it anyway. I think that reading this just shows how much your writing ability has grown and improved... not that it was bad... I just mean that if you compare this to your collaboration for instance then there's a noticable differece... You leave the reader immensely curious, good thing for an intro.
Just one thingy I wasn't sure about: "was one of the oldest" isn't it one of the eldest?
| PainKiller chapter 1 . 4/12/2004
What? You told me not to! And that's as good as an invitation, you know...
Don't kill me; please? :o)
Well, I don't have a lot of time to comment on this, but first of all, I'm usually extrememly (and harshly) picky and critcal of openings. If the opening is bad, the story is usually bad, and so I want writers to try and avoid that. Yours is a paradox; on the one hand, it's a mite simple, but then it's ridiculously interesting, so much so that I want to read the rest of it when I have time.
You use italics just like I do (i.e - characters' thoughts). Nice description, excellent flow, and intriguing opening. Wonderful work, m'dear!
| natanna chapter 5 . 10/12/2003
I liked it ;P
Adrian comes across as a private man... a loner, really, who's trying to ignore his heart. Does Aemelia know he likes her?
I think he takes his work too seriously to take read a threat into that innocent sounding letter. Oh well, so now the villagers can enjoy the celebrations. Will be a new experience for them.
Typo in 2nd last paragraph.
| Khamron chapter 5 . 10/4/2003
Arrgh, it is driving me crazy! Why doesn't Adrian just SAY something to Aemelia? Or maybe SMILE at her? He's just a bit too...not shy, but...ugh, I don't know what it is, but it's infuriating. The story flows very well, though!
Perhaps take a little more time to explain what is happening, because at some parts I am kind of guessing. Bring some of the other characters into play, and not focus entirely on Adrian.
But, as I have noted, you have not updated this story for over three months. Are you thinking of writing more?
| VercisIsolde chapter 5 . 7/15/2003
Nice to see a bit of humor in the story. Still like Phillip. :) I tend to go for rather minor characters... Interesting twist at the end, when everything seemed so grave. I would love to see more.
| VercisIsolde chapter 4 . 7/15/2003
The end was a bit fast moving, but travel can be boring to read and write, so I think it's fine. Otherwise, the chapter's very good. It's pulling me into the story and I'm quite interested, though there's only one chapter left...
Did you give up writing this? Anyway, it's good.
| VercisIsolde chapter 3 . 7/15/2003
I'm back! Ok, I'm wondering what happened to Aemelia and I think it's cool that the women were being taught how to fight. Adrian seems to be quite antisocial. No grammar or spelling difficulties that I can spot. Well written. You make time pass by realistically as well. Good work.
| VercisIsolde chapter 2 . 7/8/2003
I like how Adrian doesn't look down on Corin, even if they're of different sociall statuses. The war thing worries me, though nothing too bit seems to have happened yet. Zepharr (sounds almost like Zephyr) doesn't appear to be a very friendl place. I can see it now: "Well son, I know you want to be a doctor, but that job just isn't respectable. If you really want to please me, you ought to become a pirate!" Hm...
I was wondering where the romance had gone and then I saw the last couple paragraphs. Aha! That's where it went to. Must be hard for Adrian to keep holding his head high, trying to keep positive and stop thinking about her.
Good work, and I am awfully intrigued, but too much reading isn't good for me. ;) I may stop soon, but I'll be back, I promise you.
| VercisIsolde chapter 1 . 7/8/2003
Phillip! Love Phillip! I'm a bit odd. He probably won't appear ever again, but oh well. Never liked the name Adrian. I knew this guy once...oh wait a minute. No more story telling! Bad VI! Anyway, Aemelia is the one he likes, right? It seemed a bit unclear to me til the end, bt now I think I get it. Only problem: last paragraph change of to off and it's all good. Adrian puzzles me. I can't wait to find out a bit more about who he is, what he's planning, and where exactly he's living. Good work all the same!
| TragycBeauty chapter 5 . 6/17/2003
Wonderful... Um... Yes... Bye
| Brooke ORiley chapter 5 . 6/16/2003
wow...had me all worried, ya did, for a baby. mind you, i suppose that can lead to worry sometimes, but...oh, never mind.
you, m'dear, did not pay very much attention when editing this chapter, did you?
*Demetruis gave a crroked smile and asked, “You Made excellent speed across the country. We had not expected you for a few more days.”*
a crooked smile, he said, not asked, and 'You made', not 'You Made'
*“Come in,” Said a voice from inside the room*
said, not capitalized. you know that, don't you?
eh...sorry i is being all critical, you still love me, right? ::winsome smile:: keep writing! you're not a bad authoress. i am, i can't make up my mind between writing one story or another...silly me.
| Wings of Dark chapter 4 . 6/1/2003
Rains a show of forbiding and foreshadowing?