Reviews for Wonderland
Sabreal chapter 6 . 8/25/2009
nice introduction to the evil dictator.
Sabreal chapter 3 . 8/25/2009
It's kinda weird seeing my name in this story so much (am not telling you which character, though)-

Good to see an intake into the past! :)
Sabreal chapter 2 . 8/25/2009
whoa, this is the furthest away from the hans christen anderson wonderland than you can get! strippers? rofl.

i have a feeling i#m gonna love this story! :)
cypris88 chapter 45 . 5/6/2009
Great chapter!
cypris88 chapter 35 . 5/6/2009
Love this story so far! I know you're not updating it anymore which is SO SAD but at least I still have lots more to read. :)
incanto chapter 80 . 10/26/2008
please dont give up this story. i've been following it for years and periodically check back to see if you've updated. its by far one of my favourites ever. i love the world you've created here and i love the characters and all the plot twists. i cant believe you dont have a hell lot more reviews than you do, because i swear, this is so much better than some of the ones ive read with thousands of reviews.

i look forward to the second version, so please put it up soon.

xx
Proven.Guilty chapter 80 . 9/17/2007
aww, well goodluck with the story.

I can't wait till you re-write it :D
someone chapter 1 . 12/22/2006
hey, just checking to see if there has been any update yet. i hope your not giving up on this because i absolutely love this story. its so imaginative and therefore so uncliche, which i love. so plz update and put up the second version soon.

me
JDLawrence chapter 1 . 9/6/2006
sigh... wondering if we'll everget to see the second version of this story? I've been keeping an eye on it, from time to time... and I just realized I've been doing this for a year!

Good luck with your writing,

JDLawrence
Querry chapter 79 . 11/13/2005
WOW. Okay, let me say it again, I feel the need. WOW! Don’t stop! I’d be happy to be your beta reader if you are still looking for one, in fact, I’m in the process of editing a book of my own, and while it isn’t the most enjoyable task, I derive some pleasure through finding the darn mistakes and beating them to pulp…but story is amazing, awe-inspiring, breathtaking, brilliant, dazzling, incredible, and remarkable, (In alphabetical order, no less), and I can’t wait till you redo it to make it even again, I’m willing to help. My email is up the good writing!
Emerald Serpentt chapter 80 . 8/25/2005
I've been following your story for a while (and of all the longer works on fp, yours is one of the top three for me). I'd offer to beta, but I don't know how my time will be in the coming school year. So I'll just wish you luck instead. :)
misanthropic muse chapter 80 . 8/18/2005
Ok, it was a while since I read your story, so excuse me if I mistake details/forget names.I hope I am right in saying that you want constructive criticism. Let us just establish that I love your story, I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t like it, I think you have a brilliant suspenseful plot, etc. Now onto the bad stuff.

First of all, Alys just deciding to abandon Hayden was really sudden and out of character. First she had sex with him (at least I think she did) because he saved her life, then she was like “lets shoot him and abandon him even afterall he has done” because he killed a few people. Her trust of him had just grown, overcome all the prejudices, etc. He is a spade. She is meant to hate him anyway. Especially after assuring him that she didn’t mind him killing all those people…which probably brings me to another point that maybe her initial prejudices were too easily overcome. Also, did Hayden have a good enough reason for agreeing to help them? Did he have any other options? Was it too convenient for the plot just to have him agree to help Alys/be immediately attracted to her? You know, I think that might be your problem. This is just guessing, of course, but I think that you have an excellent plot, and the characters are based around the plot. What I think is that you should develop your characters a bit more, make them more real to you, so you know exactly how they would react to a certain situation- eg. Whether Alys would so readily abandon (Slap?) just because she won a talent show. That seemed a bit out of character, as well, that she was so determined to take him with her, even though he might endanger their mission, and then as soon as she has a chance to get rid of him, she does. I do, however, love the ambiguity of your characters. There is no ‘good’ and ‘evil’ or ‘Alice’ and ‘Cheshire Cat’ stock characters. I like how Alys abandoned Hayden- very ambiguous action for our heroine- but make it more in character, better reasons for lovers bickering is very cliched. I know that my personal opinion is coming into play here, but in fiction, it gets to the stage where you see two characters bickering, you know that they are going to fall in love. The best rant I have seen covering this is on users/limyaael Find some of her old entries in the archives, and there is definitely one on ‘How to make characters fall in love without having them bickering.’ I recommend that you read it, and all of her other rants. I cannot recommend them asides: Hayden must be the Cheshire Cat, and I believe Ellia, her sister, is that big leader whose name I cant remember whom Alys is trying to kill. Why? Because you most particularly noted that Alys did not look at the golden statue’s face, and we assume that Ellia has risen to a position of great power through her marriage. It was the statue that made me think that. Anyway, hope I have been of some help.
from-afar chapter 80 . 8/17/2005
*Sob* I am so sad *Cry*

Ak...I thought that this story was the best ever written, but if you feel that you cant continue writing the story based on how its going, then i guess thats alright.

Since you're saying you're revamping it, you better post the new chapters! Dont just say all that and forget about it! 'Cause I've seen a lot of authors do that!

You're story's too good to waste! So keep up the hard work and dont let anyone deter you from doing that!

Good Luck!
Poppy Pyres chapter 80 . 8/17/2005
My initial reaction is "NO". I love this story, and am relieved to know that you are going to continue...one for betareading, I am contemplating offering. Two things are holding me back- time constraints- I am really busy lately, and I probably wont be free for at least a month. 2. My grammar is good, but I am not sure if it is good enough to pick up every mistake. That said, if you can't find anyone else, I can help.
Lyla In The Sky chapter 79 . 8/10/2005
Hey, I stumbled (yeah i can't spell) on your story and I think it's great. It's a good story line and interesting characters. The only thing I did spot was a few spelling and grammar mistakes but I'm not one to talk. Great stuff and I can't wait for the next chappie.

Oh and Queen of Glass is a great story as well, hope you finally made your way through it hehe. That was one of the first stories I ever found on this site.
369 | « Prev Page 1 2 3 4 5 12 .. Last Next »